Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bourgeois Birthday Bash

Yes, there was last year's anniversary meditation and another anniversary post, and still other anniversary posts, too. But this year it's the FIFTH anniversary of Bourgeois Nerd! Such a momentous event cannot go un-noted, so prepare yourself for FIVE YEARS LATER: A BOURGEOIS NERD EXTRAVAGANZA!

It all began with this
first post on New Year's Eve 2004. From small seeds grow... small plants? Or something.

My greatest blogging triumph, perhaps, is the
Cartoon Nostalgia series. Nostalgia's fun. And damn I watched a lot of cartoons!

Shocking for a blog called
Bourgeois Nerd, I've talked a whole hell of a lot about Star Wars. I'm also prone to going meta about nerds and geeks and what it all means. It's all so self-reinforcing, not to mention cliche.

Glade Lady is my muse. My crazy, commercial character muse.

Pathetically enough, this is
the last time I had almost-sex. *sigh* That was when I still had my lost youthful looks (before I got fat and ugly); now, I'm just thoughtful. This is one of the many reasons I'm not a very good Gay, except that I am. Makes me worry about love.

I'm nothing if not a bibliophile (I know, you're shocked), so there are more posts about books and libraries than is even possible to number! A few of the highlights:
I like the smell of books; Bourgeois Book Club; I was in a book and then proceeded to shill it endlessly.

I was once
briefly famous in the academic blogosphere. Fame, alas, is elusive on the blogosphere. I don't regret the conclusion not to go into academia, though.

Thi post that has perhaps gotten me the most traffic, due to its placement on Google Images. I've since gotten to see her in person, and let me tell you it's even more amazing!

I recently took a walk down Memory Lane to reminisce about Blogs That Aren't There Anymore.

I didn't think the
new Star Trek movie would work at first, but then I changed my mind.

obsessed with polar bear hybrids, as well as pugs, pandas, unusual white animals, gay birds, interspecies amity, and just about anything cute.

I can be amazingly thick sometimes.

Christmas is over, but holiday nostalgia and The Spirit of Christmas lasts all year 'round at Bourgeois Nerd!

As hard as it is to believe, I can get
even more pensive and existential than usual. Heck, I doubt I'm real sometimes!

I like fall, and like the turning of the leaves each year,
I repeat this fact every autumn.

I find that confession is good for the soul, and blogs are the new confession booths, without all that pesky priest and the Hail Marys and such.

Spam is the artform of our age.

I was obsessed by the Beijing Summer Olympics (for the menz, natch)!

For a certain subset of readers, my main claim to fame is the GH TWoP FAQs.

Finally, I know why you all really come here: Skimpy Sundays. Pervs!

Five years and 2,694 posts later, here I am! It's all rather amazing. I've outlasted so many worthier and more popular blogs. It's humbling. And what's next? Well, hopefully at some point this year I'll be able to get the new look going. This place definitely needs a facelift. Otherwise, I just hope I can continue to grow and improve as a blogger, whatever that means.

But regardless of what the future brings, right now I want to thank all the fantastic bloggers who I shamelessly rip off for content draw inspiration from and who have linked to me over the years. Thank you most of all, though, to all my readers. My readership isn't the biggest out there, but it's definitely one of the best! I love you all! Happy New Year!!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Autobiography Of Cthulhu X

At last, Cthulhu in his own (eldritch, cyclopean, non-Euclidean) words! Ia! Ia!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Blogs That Aren't There Anymore (Part II)

It's been a bit longer than anticipated since Part I of my roundup of much-missed blogs, but finally Part II of Blogs That Aren't There Anymore is here!


Porn star/go-go boy extraordinaire/wonderfully-named Hunter James's blog was one of the first I began reading on a regular basis.
Chronicling his move to NYC with fellow porn star/go-go boy extraordinaire Damon DeMarco, it was a fascinating look into porn starlet-hood. I think they've since left porn.

Proceed At Your Own Risk

The Pepto pink design was less-than-attractive, but the fantastic writing of blogprietor Richard Rothstein more than made up for it. Scion of Jewish mobsters and bordello madams, Mr. Rothstein repressed his homosexual desires for years, even marrying, out of self-loathing and abusive parenting, until finally blossoming in middle age.
Now a happy bon vivant and rentboy connoisseur, he always gave me hope that it's never too late to bloom. He left for a little while to do a paying gig, but then he came back, but then it turned and remains password-protected.

Professorial Confessions

Probably the most thoroughly shuttered blog on the list, and the only one by a woman (I seriously have wondered if my blog roll indicates sexism on my part), Professorial Confessions followed the travails of a female professor as she dealt with living in a small town, a complicated relationship history, the "joys" of professoring, and the gradual transition into academic administration. It is this last part that led to the complete deletion of her blog, which is sad.

Grumpy Old Bookman

Pretty much as the title implies, this was the blog of an old hand at the publishing game
from across the Pond. Forthright and cynical, he really broke down the book racket for all to see, in an irrepressibly English way. Family and other matters got in the way, though, and blogging had to go.

The FAGAT Guide

Another one of the frustrating blogs where you just don't know what happened; they just stopped one day. I suspect Real Life intruded and made silly blogs unnecessary. A terrible shame.


Must be off whoring somewhere, too busy to talk.

Manhattan Offender

The latest edition to our Gallery of Lost Treasures, the internationally-renowned Gawker commenter and NYC gay STAH! Rod just recently shuttered his online musings. I have an insane crush on Mr. Townsend, and was devastated to see him "leave." But, then, I think he thinks I'm a total weirdo stalker, and I rather narcissistically fear I had something to do with his leaving the blogging world.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Skimpy Santas

Merry Christmas to all!!!

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Wicked Gay Blog; Towleroad)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Crazy Christmas Carols

Every holiday season, as soon as we return from Thanksgiving, the Muzak at work turns to the Holiday channel and we're treated to a month of Christmas cheer in song form... as well as a whole lot of shitty versions of treasured classics like "Last Christmas" and "Jingle Bell Rock" by every warbling tween-queen, emo-boy "rock band," and R&B melisma-machine out there. And then there are ones that are just weird. Some are good, some are bad, but they're definitely not Nat King Cole crooning about chestnuts.

They're dead now, so I can safely say that Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby's "We Wish You The Merriest" is awful. It's like they both have a stutter, or a short-term memory problem.

Apparently this has been around for a long time, and has several versions, but "Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus" is a new one to me. I have to say, it's weird, but I like it. The version I heard was by something called Guster, and is very sort of twee in that indie rock way. (It wouldn't be out of place in a Wes Anderson movie, like that fox movie that just came out.) But yet, I still really dig it. Sure beats "Feliz Navidad" in the Hispanic-Christmas-song-in-mostly-English sweepstakes.

I'm a proud Irishman, but "Christmas in Killarney" is absolute shit. Christmas just ain't jiggy.

You've never truly said What. The. Fuck?! until you've listened at least once to Willie motherfuckin' Nelson warble "Deck The Halls." Someone was soooooooooooooooo high when he came up with that one. When he sings "Falalalalalala," it is physically painful.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Geek Fight!

The great debate about the words geek and nerd continues. In keeping with my descriptivist leanings, I think the first suggestion of banning the words "geek" and "nerd" because they hurt people's feelings is both idiotic and quixotic. It just ain't gonna happen. I'm less hostile to the latter suggestion of "reclaiming" the word "geek," but I really don't think there's anything to reclaim. The word has just expanded in meaning; it happens. Plus, I'm always an advocate of keeping the borders of the Kingdom of Nerddom and Grandy Duchy of Geekovia as open as possible, welcoming all who seek shelter and solace within it.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

"Luke, I Am Your Stockbroker!"

Darth Vader and a band of clone troopers opened the New York Stock Exchange today. Insert your own Death Star/Empire/Dark Side/Wall Street jokes.

Speaking of Star Wars, if you haven't already watched this, then you must. It is beyond genius. As we all know, I have my own thoughts about the prequels, and I would disagree with some of his critiques for one reason or another, but he's still pretty much spot-on, introducing a systemic argument about style and storytelling I as a non-filmmaker had never quite been able to articulate. Well worth the seventy minute investment.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

After shoveling at least several dozen cubic feet of snow, this is pretty much how I feel about it.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I am part of so many bubbles in this diagram, it ain't even funny (except it is). Shocking!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is He Saying "Merry Christmas" Or "Kill Me Now"?

Our poor dogs must hate the holidays, because that's when we seem most eager to embarass the hell out of them.

(Via Regretsy)


Lesbian albatrosses in New Zealand get down to nesting and are now brooding an egg. I'll refrain from the U-Haul jokes. What I find most fascinating is that the thing about sharing a nest with a male two years ago. The guy albatross was probably all high-winging all his buddies about getting it on with two females, only to have the arrangement totally "not work out." Heh.

(Via Towleroad)

Last Minute Gifts For Your Special Nerd

The Greatest Nerdy Gift Books in the Galaxy

Monday, December 14, 2009

Merry Christmas! Pass the Xanax!

I have a thing for Christmas Carols. I actually prefer non-holly-jolly Christmas songs, though I actually love Christmas. For me Christmas is so much about nostalgia and sentimentality, that melancholia seems appropriate. (Plus, there's the SAD factor, what with the darkness and all.)

In my considered opinion, then, the most depressing holiday songs are, bar none, "Christmas Time Is Here" and anything sung by Karen Carpenter, such as "Merry Christmas, Darling."

As Peteykins points out, Peanuts is, really, one big downer, which makes the fact that its contribution to the Christmas songbook is incredibly depressing rather appropriate. And how could anyone NOT know Karen Carpenter was going to die young when she virtually wrote suicide notes while singing Christmas songs! (They are beautiful suicide notes, though.)

The bluer side of Christmas is nothing to shun. It's a part of the season as much as good cheer and happy children. Heck, if you're a weirdo like me, it's part of the "fun"! Just take care of yourselves; don't let your Christmas get so blue it's black. We all need a little gleaming gold and sparkling silver to light our way.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Busting Out Of The Phone Booth

Superman comes out to Lois.

Have Yourself A Nerdy Little Christmas

Top Ten Nerdiest Christmas Decorations.

Plus, in the spirit of ecumenism, and in celebration of last night's lighting of the first Hanukkah candle, the
Trekkie Menorah.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Lion, A Tiger, And A Bear Walk Into A Zoo Enclosure...

Three predators seized as cubs by a law enforcement raid on the drug baron keeping them as pets now live together as a family in a zoo. I'm a sucker for tales of interspecies amity and affection, and this one is one of the best. I particularly love that they're all named after characters in The Jungle Book. And look at the bear putting his arm around the tiger! Squeeeee!!!

(Via Towleroad, which already did the "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" joke, so I don't have to.)

Calendar Benefit

This young, gay North Dakotan totally shames and humbles me.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Jersey Shore Nicknames

I bristle a bit at Jersey Shore, just because it's yet another helping of "Let's shit on NJ!" that TV loves to do and they're NOT EVEN FROM JERSEY, but, you know whatever. It's still fun to laugh at the ridiculous living caricatures, though. I mean, really: "Snooki"? "The Situation"?

Anyway, want to know what your Jersey Shore nickname? Here you go! I'm Frank "The Tight End"! Heh.

(Via Facebook)

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

And The Color Of The Year Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

...turquoise! Bleh. Real, quality turquoise is usually a touch bluer than that sample is. The highest-quality turquoise, from Sweet Home Mine, for instance, is "robin's egg blue."

Monday, December 07, 2009

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Friday, December 04, 2009

Art Strikes Bad

Is the geek on your list a little on the artsy-fartsy side? Have a slightly higher budget? Well, here's something to consider. (And if anyone is interesting "Yo, It's A Trap!," "Totum," "Endor Sneak Attack," and "Chewy" are my personal faves. Ahem!)

(Via io9)

Thursday, December 03, 2009

"Hey There, Sailor!"

Female pandas "chirp" to indicate their fertility. They're only "in the mood" for a few days a year, though, so male pandas have to sharp.

Books For Non-Readers

As mind-boggling as it is for me to even contemplate, not everyone loves books and reading the way I do. If some strange creature like that is on your Christmas list, here are some suggestions for books that might pique their interest.

(Via Bookninja)

Christmas Gifts For The Sci-Fi Geek In Your Life

Christmas gifts for ten different subspecies of Homo geekiens.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


Watch out, sharks: ninja-Orcas are gonna get you!

(Via Towleroad)

Christmas Gifts For The Science Geek In Your Life

Here's a list of some of the year's best science books for your Christmas shopping reference.

(Via Bookslut)

I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me...

...but I'm actually going to link to talk about Tiger Woods, but only for about two seconds and not really. I just couldn't let the second picture in this post go without note. I have that book! And a sports blog is just about the last place I'd ever expected to see John Gribbin's name pop up. The Awl just reviewed his new book last week, too! Weird.


Superheros with Beards

Decorate For The Holidays

Bored with your screen? Spruce up your desktop with some pretty winter wallpaper!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

They Can Bold Italic Me Any Time!

Hot, beary typeface nerds man singing about fonts to the tune of Lady Gaga's "Pokerface"? Has someone been recording my dreams again?

This Water Is Juuuuuuuuuuust Right!

Some amazing pictures of a polar bear named Coldilocks. First, "Coldilocks" is just about the best name ever. Second, she's a resident of the Philadelphia Zoo, just across the Delaware from me! Philly girls represent!

(Via Towleroad)

From The Archives

Believe it or not, but Bourgeois Nerd turns five at the end of December. In preparation for this momentous occasion, I've been combing through the archives for a Best Of compilation. Anyway, I found this and thought it appropriate for the season.

Have Yourself A Very Klingon Christmas

My inner Trekker nerd and Christmas sentimentalist are in accord in liking this Star Trek Christmas stuff.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Technically, They're All Bastards, Too

I believe I may be the only one in the world who is tickled every time someone calls a dog a "son of a bitch." I mean, they ARE! It's not an insult to them (if they had the cognitive ability to understand the concept of "insult"); it's just a simple statement of fact. I love to point this out, usually with the wide grin of a lunatic pedant. I'm a very, very disturbed individual...

(And I just happened to stumble over the fact that I already talked about this about three years ago. Whoops!)

O Come Let Us Adore... WTF?!?!

Sci-fi Creches

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy the turkey, etc. today, y'all!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Dog Classifieds

DREAM DOG SOUGHT: had dream where dog stood on polygonal plane in front of pyramid surrounded by pillars of neon light and barked strange symbols. Think dog may have had tank treads instead of legs. 555-7802

Thanksgiving Memories

In a very perverse way, I'm always jealous of people's Thanksgiving horror stories. I mean, I know that while they can be good story-fodder, actually living them isn't much fun. Still, my family has only ever had perfectly pleasant, normal, BORING Thanksgivings. I've contemplated coming out at the table just to spice things up, but A) such a cliche, and B) I'm too chicken. Plus, I really don't think my family would be terribly upset, and my sister (and I presume through her her husband) and mother already know.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Many Hothan Trappers Died To Bring Us This Product

It's official: the tauntaun sleeping bag ships November 30! The perfect Life Day gift for the little wokling (or the big nerd) in your life!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

Bibliophilic Sculpture

"I don't know much about art, but I know what I like [to read]."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A Year In Kew

The flora and fauna of London's Kew Gardens throughout the year.

Scientific Smell

As long-time readers know, I have a bit of a thing for the smell of books. Well, now even machines are being enchanted by that biblio-musk. Just one more step on the road to the Robot Uprising!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

So... 2009 Was Really Mean?

You'd think I'd have been all over the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year as soon as it was announced, but... "unfriend"? Meh.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Finally, I Feel Half Normal

I used to think I was a font nerd, but over the past few years I've come to realize that it's actually one of my minor fetishes. I appreciate good typography, and think it essential to the clear dissemination of information. I wince when I find it badly done. However, I'm not crazy about it. I really can't tell the difference between one font and another, and don't have the names of the True Type catalog in memory. It seems even I have a limit to the amount of neurotic obsession I have to go around.

(Via Bookninja)

Like A Magical Wonderland Of Cute!

I attended my first ever dog show yesterday. As you can imagine, I made a complete fool of myself, what with squeeing and cooing and practically passing out from Teh Cute, but I don't care. Everyone else was doing the same thing, and it's not like I have any pride.

Highlights: learning about the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever from a Santa lookalike; discovering that there is such a thing as a red Siberian Husky; marveling at some of the... special fashion on the handlers; finally appreciating just how FUCKING HUGE Mastiffs are. Seriously, I'd never seen a Mastiff in the flesh, and it was an awe-inspiring experience. I think the only reason they aren't out destroying small Japanese cities is that we've thankfully bred them for "gentle giantness" and it really would just be too much Bother to haul their enormity around to do it. A nap is ever so much more sensible (a sentiment I am in total agreement with).

I highly recommend attending a dog show; it's fun for the whole family!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Monday, November 09, 2009

If Elton John Rehashes That Damn Song For A Third Time...

Okay, guys, you are more-than-well-aware that I'm all about the animals, especially the white ones (I'm so racist!), but this is just ridiculous. Please, English people, have a strong pot of tea and get your upper lips into proper stiffness!

(Via Towleroad)

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Monday, November 02, 2009

Supernatural Collective Nouns

Ever wondered what a large group of trolls is called? That big bucket of Jedi in Attack of the Clones? At last, we have answers!

It's Never Too Early... initiate your kids into the dark and eldritch mysteries of the Great Old Ones, the fun way!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009


I was never much one for Halloween, but I looked forward every year to a handful of TV specials. Sadly, I haven't seen any of these on TV in years, I think because they all (from what I can recollect) were shown on the Disney Channel and that channel went all to crap a few years ago where they show nothing but tween shows and new cartoons. They no longer show anything older (including the great World of Walt Disney cartoons and old wildlife specials that I grew up with as a kid in the 80s/early 90s) and it pisses me off.

Thanks to the magic of YouTube, however, now we can all enjoy my Halloween nostalgia!

Disney's Halloween Treat

A medley of various Disney "spooky" cartoons hosted by an awesome puppet pumpkin (or the Mirror from Snow White in a slightly edited version of the same thing).

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (the Disney version)

Just totally classic.

The Worst Witch

Basically, it was Harry Potter, except it was all girls and the hero wasn't The Chosen One, but a klutzy, picked-on girl. It had the oddest casting, with the lady from Facts of Life, Diana Riggs, and Tim Curry singing, and some of the most atrocious "special effects" ever committed to film, but I loved it. Growing up isn't easy!

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't

Silly 70s comedic Halloween with the worst ever Dracula, Werewolf, Mummy, and Frankenstein trying to get the Witch to fly over the moon so there could be a real Halloween. Cheesy beyond belief, but fun.

Bugs Bunny

That wascally wabbit doesn't let a few monsters get in his way. Daffy Duck's Quackbusters is full of more Looney Tunes spooky goodness, too.

Happy Halloween!

P.S. For more Halloween goodness from yesteryear, visit the retrotastic Retrospace. (Be sure to read the posts about the Paul Lynde Halloween special, especially!)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Gross, But Cool

In the unlikely event I ever get married, this might be my wedding cake.

Fred Died With His Scarf On

Watch out vampires, zombies, and other beasties, because Scooby's got a new snack: the rotting flesh and bones of his enemies!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sight For Sore Eyes (Sorry, But You Knew I'd Have To Use It Eventually)

Things may be quite a bit on the blurry side at the moment, but red pandas and wombats are cute no matter your visual acuity.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm Alive!

So, despite the Ray Charles look I'm sporting, I haven't gone blind. Hooray! Actually, according to the doctor today, everything is healing excellently. I can definitely see better, if slightly blurrily. It'll be a while before it heals up and settles down, and it'll probably get blurrier in the next few days, but I should hopefully be able to drive soon, and already the light sensitivity is subsiding. Obviously, I can look at the computer, though I'm trying to limit it. All in all, knock on wood, it looks like a success.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Eyes!

Tomorrow, in celebration of my nativity, I'm going to have laser eye surgery. If all goes well, I should be unconscious most of tomorrow, but I don't know when I'll be able to look at a computer screen, so I may be silent for a bit. It's not like I've been burning up the blog with posts lately, but I didn't want you to all think I'd abandoned you. If I go blind, I'll find some way to inform you all.