Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy Blog Birthday!

As of 5:23 PM today,
Bourgeois Nerd is one year old! Wow! Who woulda thunk it? Thank you to everyone who's read and, hopefully, enjoyed. You're all fabulous wonderful individuals and I adore you all!

As to the future: ain't no stopping me now! I plan to continue blogging for the forseeable future;
I really get a kick out of this blogging thing. Hopefully, I'll continue to get better, get more readers, and become one of them there "A-list" bloggers. Or maybe I'll just stay the same old bourgeois nerd I've always been and that you have come to (hopefully) love!

(BTW, any gifts you might wish to shower upon me to commemorate this occasion will be humbly, but gratefully, accepted. *hehehe*)

No, I CAN'T F'n "Hear You Now!"

Looking for a cellphone carrier? Convinced that you live in cellphone signal black hole? Then check out the cellphone reception in your area online!

But Did They Get Laid In High School?

Lists, list, list, lists. The approach of the New Year always generates endless best of/worst of and assorted other lists, including this: 2005's 10 Sexiest Geeks. Frankly, I don't fine most of them all that sexy and I'm all about the nerds and the geeks (there is a distinction, you know). But it's always nice to see the geeks get some love from someone.

Gotta Have A Good Title

How do you write a "bestseller"? Give it a brand-name title!

(Via Maud Newton)

Friday, December 30, 2005

Okay, So I'm NOT Always Full Of Wit And Good Taste.

The Hubble telescope has ripped Uranus two new ones! (Planetary rings, of course, plus two new moons, as well.)

(Via Towleroad)

Gay Video

Let's see... Likes to wear tight-fitting Lycra. Check. Enjoys grappling on the floor with other men. Check. Has nipple ring. Check. Gay!!!

If only coming out were this fabulous for everyone.

(Via Proceed at your own risk)

Thursday, December 29, 2005


I know I shouldn't laugh, but this Benny Hill Passion play is just funny. Hey, I'm already going to hell for my sodomitic ways, so what have I got to lose?

(Via Defamer)

I Surprised We Weren't Plunged Into A Depression On The Spot

Yesterday, Carson Daly banged the gavel (and, no, that's not a euphemism) to end the New York Stock Exchange's trading day.

God, I hate him. And, yet, I watch his absolutely dreadful late-night show a lot. What does
that mean?

Canadian Congrats

Congratulations, George, on being named one of The Top 100 of 2005! #76 is pretty good. You're in my top ten, though.

Come Up And Clean My Pipes

Who knew there was an America's Sexiest Plumber? I sure didn't. The winner is a woman, but, of course, the male finalists are what I'm interested in. I find it funny that they almost all say their eyes are their sexiest feature. I like a great pair of eyes as much as the next fella, but I just think they're being uncreative.

(Via Cooper Lowenthal)

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

You Know Us Gays...

we're all about the terrorism.

Book Reviews

Are book reviews getting too nasty? I honestly cannot posit an informed opinion: I'm not an expert on the history of book reviewing nor have I even been reading many lately (sorry, Frank!).

However, I think the authors of the piece are on to something when they note a lack of nuance in much of today's reviewing. I'm not entirely sure that things have gotten "nastier" so much as gotten a lot less subtle. Bitchiness used to be an artform; one had to quick and clever. As the authors opine,

Alas, there are few contemporary reviewers who can match Oscar Wilde's put-down of French novelist Émile Zola: "Monsieur Zola is determined to show that if he has not genius, he can at least be dull." Or Dorothy Parker's much-quoted lampoon of a book under review: “This is not a novel to be tossed lightly aside. It should be thrown with great force.”
Nowadays, people just degenerate down to the schoolyard school of criticism (e.g. "You suck!").

But, again, what do I know?

(Via Bookninja)



(Oh, and, straight boys, you might want to avert your eyes.)

Two thoughts: "Ouch!" and "Dayum, boy!"

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I Promise, The Brokeback Posts Will Stop... Eventually

Top Ten Signs You're A Gay Cowboy

(Via Towleroad)

An Observation

Drawing on my vast expertise in both anthropology and psychology, it seems that groups who are marginalized or discriminated against have a high proportion of stand-up comics.

Jews, for instance, are famously overrepresented in the comedy business and black stand-up comics are bigger than ever. There is one group that is an exception, however: There don't seem to be many gay stand-up comics. To be sure, there are some (Mario Cantone, for one), but not that many. I mean, it's not as if we're not heavily represented in the entertainment industry or that we're somehow incapable of being funny. We just don't seem to gravitate to that form of entertainment. Anyone have any thoughts or theories?

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah to any and all Jewish readers!

For those linguistically inclined: Hanukkah Word Origins.

Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel...

The Dreidel Song

I have a little dreidel
I made it out of clay
And when it's dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play.

Oh dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay,
And when it's dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play.

It has a lovely body,
With legs so short and thin,
And when my dreidel's tired
It drops and then I win.

Oh dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay,
And when it's dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play.

My dreidel's always playful,
It loves to dance and spin
A happy game of dreidel
Come play, now let's begin.

Oh dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay,
And when it's dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play.

Monday, December 26, 2005

The Day After Christmas

The day after Christmas, everyone just mostly lays around, recovering from the festivities and tryptophan and general gluttony, and playing with all the new toys they've received.

Many, though, brave the shopping malls for sales and returns. It can get a little crazy, making for a sometimes-literal (and quite American) "Boxing Day."

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! And, whether you're just lazing about or red in tooth and claw, enjoy today!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas

BEARry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the North Pole!

And, just to give equal time to the other "side..."

A Dose of Humbuggery

Ah, leave it to an alcoholic, yet erudite, British man to sound a note of scroogery this holiday season.

(Via Gawker)

Meanwhile, the War on Christmas takes a violent turn.

"Silent Night"/"Stille Nacht"

Silent night, Holy night,
All is calm; all is bright
'Round yon virgin Mother and Child.
Holy infant so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sleep in heavenly peace!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,
Alles schläft; einsam wacht
Nur das traute hochheilige Paar.
Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Visit From St. Nick

The Night Before Christmas
A Visit From St. Nick

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Wholesome Santa

Smutty Santa

Santa Baby

Buh-bum.. buh-bum...

Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me

Been an awful good boy

Santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a '54 convertible too, light blue,
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed,

Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed

Next year I could be just as good

If you check off my christmas list

Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot

Been an angel all year

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques,

Sign your x on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my chirstmas tree,

With some decorations bought at Tiffany's

I really do believe in you,

Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,

I don't mean on the phone,

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry, tonight.

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus

Underneath the mistletoe last night.
He didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
He thought that I was tucked
up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus

Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh what a laugh it would have been
If Uncle Taddy had only seen
Daddy kissing Santa Claus last night!

Daddy Claus Is Cumming To Town

You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

Daddy Claus is cummin' to town.
His making a list and checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty and nice,
Santa Claus is comin' to town.

Santa Claus is cummin' to town.

He spanks you when you're weeping,
He fucks you 'til you shake;

He knows if you've been bad or good,
so be good, or your ass will break
Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

Daddy Claus is cummin' to town.

(Most pictures via Proceed At Your Own Risk)