Sunday, August 31, 2008

Cartoonus Nostalgiae Ultima

Unless I suddenly remember a whole bunch of heretofore unmentioned cartoons from my childhood (which is certainly not beyond the realm of possibility with my ditzy brain), this post, sadly, marks the end of Bourgeois Nerd's illustrious and acclaimed (just go with it) Cartoon Nostalgia series. Who the hell knew I watched so many cartoons? God, I was such a nerdy little shut-in, even then.

Anyway, though I have a half-formed idea in my head to revisit some of the older Cartoon Nostalgia posts to expand upon my thoughts (I have surprisingly little to say in some of the early ones, which of course MUST be rectified, because I am nothing if not verbose; I have a reputation to uphold), this is most likely the last totally original one. Enjoy.

Inspector Gadget

"Du du du du du, Inspector Gadget! Du du du du du, oooo-hooo!" Another show with a catchy theme song and a villain I liked way more than the hero (who can't love a supervillain with a claw-hand and a fuzzy white cat?). Also, for some reason, one of those educational PSAs they always seemed to tack onto the end of cartoons in thos days, this particular one about what to do if you get something in your eye (basically, keep your eye closed and let your natural tears flush it out) still sticks with me. Every time something sticks in my eye, I think of it.

This is also another show whose memory was tragically molested with a horrible live-action movie a few years ago. And, no, I've never seen the movie and never will, but I still know it's awful. Matthew Broderick as Inspector Gadget? Please. What happened to that dude, anyway? From Ferris Freakin' Bueller to bearding with Sarah Jessica Parker; quite a come-down. He should have just run off with Nathan Lane when he had the chance.

The Mysterious Cities Of Gold

Unbeknownst to me, this was actually some sort of cult-classic French import. A riff on the legend of El Dorado, the premise was a kid and a bunch of other people looking for the Seven Cities of Gold. What sticks most in my head, though, is the title song: "The cities of goooooooooold! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh... the ci-ti-es of gold!"

My Little Pony Tales

God, how did I not realize I was gay sooner? I was watching My Fucking Little Pony Tales! As with the Care Bears, I just wanted a horn with some cool power.

And that's it, folks. I hope you've enjoyed reminiscing with me over the past few years. I've enjoyed it. It's not the end of my nostalgia, though. Talking about Ferris Bueller above gave me an idea to do a little riffing on movies of my childhood. So look for that in the nearish-future!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via OHLALA [NSFW]; Jason Curious [NSFW]; filthy never looked so good [NSFW]; Fleshbot [NSFW]; Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Friday, August 29, 2008

I'm A Nice Irish-Catholic Boy, You Know

Religious Nuts

There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

We're Doomed

Ever since I heard McCain picked Gov. Palin, I've had this lead weight in my stomach. I've always had the awful feeling that there were enough dumbasses in this country who would rather continue the disastrous Republican regime we've had for eight years than do something even a little different, but now my gut tells me there definitely. With all the bitter Clinton supporters who will vote just because there's a woman on the ticket, and people more racist than sexist, and evangelicals energized by a staunchly anti-choice and conservative VP, this nation is on course for disaster. I'm genuinely fearful of what November will bring, and incredibly depressed.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Talented Bulldog

I know this YouTube video of a skateboarding bulldog made the rounds long, long ago, but I'd never seen the whole thing until it was embedded in Radar's College Week coverage (highly recommended, BTW), and it's just so cuuuuuuute I had to share it!

Office Supplies...

...of the FUTURE!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Me wantie!


Used book trends.

(Via Books, Inq.)


Fall has fallen, and with it the kiddies have returned to school, which got me to thinking about my own school years. Frankly, for the lower grades in particular, I don't have many memories. School was one long exercise in alienation and social anxiety. However, one thing I remember fondly were the filmstrips in elementary school. There was something about the dark classroom, the 70s graphic design of badly drawn cartoons and pictures of people in bell bottoms, the stentorian voice on the cassette tapes droning on about American history or microorganisms or hygiene or whatever, the *boop* and *click* of the projector moving to the next frame that I just loved. But do they even have filmstrips anymore? If not, today's youth are seriously deprived.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hey, Grandpa!

Two Germans find old great-great-great-great-great-great-great-(repeat a few dozen times)-grandpa.

Maternal Affection

Last night at dinner, my mother and I were talking about politics a little. I said that I was afraid that if McCain go elected I would end up being drafted and sent over to Iraq for 100 years. Her response, instead of the "I won't let that happen! They won't take my baby!" I was expecting/looking for, was "Better get to the gym, then!" Not what I wanted to hear! When I expressed my (half-amused, admittedly) indignance at this statement, she then made noises about moving to Canada or going back to school full-time, and her opinion that McCain would never have the votes even if he did win, but, no, the damage was done. I now know that my mother thinks I'm a fat-ass who needs to bulk up before going to Iraq. Thanks, Mom!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I Don't Even Like Football, But As A Native Of The Philadelphia Region, So...

Texas Sphincters

On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."

And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."

So he made their fans.

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

It's Soda!

Carbonated soft drinks are properly termed "soda," but, sadly, large swathes of America refer to these drinks by the categorically WRONG names "pop" or "coke." We must work to bring enlightenment to these benighted regions by teaching them the correct way of speaking, which also involves calling various sandwiches made with torpedo-shaped rolls by their proper moniker, "hoagies," instead of such horrific, heretical terms as "grinders," "submarines," or "heroes." It's the charitable thing to do.

Skimpy Sunday: Olympic Closing Ceremonies Edition

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; TWoP Olympic Gods and Goddesses and HoYay forums)