Monday, March 31, 2008

Even Birds Have "Change Of Life" Babies!

An elderly osprey in Scotland is set to produce her 50th egg at the advanced age of nearly twenty. And to add a bit of spice to the story, the father is not her usual partner. Tres scandale! You get down with your bad self, lady-osprey! Shows that just because you're older, doesn't mean you can't still get freaky.

Start The Week With A Laugh

Southern University Psychology

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ."

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Friday, March 28, 2008

Bookshelver In The Bathroom? Errr... No Thanks!

Books in the rafters? Yes, please! Now, I just need to get some rafters...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Buff Nerds

So apparently we're all ab-tastic now. This elicits mixed feelings in me. On the one hand, you know how I loves me some hot nerd boys, and its always nice to mix stereotypes up. (You know Nerd Activist me: I believe in a big-tent, pluralistic Kingdom of Nerdaria and Grand Duchy of Geekovia.) On the other hand, I hate the bitches, because I'm a gay, skinny-fat nerd who likes his pizza and donuts too much to ever have abs like that, and now I'm not just lusting for/envying the porn stars, I have to start worrying about my fellow nerds! And now it seems my belly is going to make me crazy! Gah!

Wanna See My Branch, Baby?

Male Amazon river dolphins use tree branches, lumps of clay, and weeds to woo females. If I were a female river dolphin, I'd hold out for diamonds.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Beware The Blue Martians!

Previously, while engaging in cartoon nostalgia, I mentioned my love of early 90s cartoon ExoSquad. Well, turns out, I'm not alone! I'm definitely planning this weekend to head to Hulu and watch some episodes. I hope it's as good as I remember!

Don't Blame Me; I Voted For John Stuart Mill In The Primaries

Philosopher attack ads: Kant, Nietzsche, and Kirkegaard. It's getting ugly, y'all! And here I thought campaigns were supposed to be about the [existential] issues, not personal attacks. *shakes head in dismay* I blame the PACs (Philosophical Action Committees).

(Via Maud Newton)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Monday, March 24, 2008

Easter Pug

Seriously, people, isn't this just the cutest thing EVAH?!?

Spring Fling

Spring has sprung and, to add another cliche to this sentence, a young (wo)man's fancy turns to thoughts of love. This is certainly true of our avian friends. On my way to work this morning, I saw a pair of Canada geese looking very cozy, one eating while the other was on the look-out. They were obviously a couple and soon would be settling down over a clutch of little eggs, and then enjoy the splish-splash of little webbed feet. A little farther down the road, I saw two crows on what struck me as a house-hunting trip. I could only imagine one of them saying to the other, "We're so lucky we're crows, honey! No sub-prime mortgage to worry about! Caw!" And then at work, there were a pair of doves cooing sweet-nothings to one another. All the avian loving put a big smile on my face as I started my day.

Monday World Tour

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Filthy Expensive Hobbitses!

A first edition The Hobbit inscribed by Tolkien sold at auction for sixty thousand pounds. that's like seventy million dollars or something at this point! I bet it was Smaug's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson and he's roasting it as we speak.

(Via Bookninja)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Star Trek Stuff

Here's a Star Trek referesher in preparation for next year's new movie.

And here's a Vulcan rodent:

Humorous Pictures

To which I say: "Peas n lang lief!"

It All Comes Out At The Funeral

Science-fiction legend Arthur C. Clarke is dead at 90. A pretty damn good run, I think, assuming this isn't just a ruse to throw the world off his track as he undergoes brain transfer into a clone body or upload into a supercomputer.

I never knew, though, that it's pretty much known he was gay. (I love his, "At my age, now I'm just a little bit cheerful" line.) That's so cool! Now we can take credit for modern global communications, not just Cher and Madonna!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Kiss Me, I'm Irish! (Seriously, KISS ME!)

Well, begosh and begorrah, Happy St. Paddy's Day, everyone!
May your green be bright and your hangovers light!

Start The Week With A Laugh: The Ur-Joke

The Onliest Joke Ever Told

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Yo mama.

Yo mama who?

Yo blonde redneck mama who crossed the road to walk into a bar and screw in a lightbulb - you know your fat, dumb, drunk, crooked-politician lawyer mama, who pleasures 12 inch pianists.

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Friday, March 14, 2008

They're TOTALLY Talking About Us Behind Our Banks

The animals can talk to one another. I think they're plotting our overthrow. Or, even more likely, it's all about the interspecies lovin'. You know what they say: once you go gecko...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

So Where's The Dancing One?

Penguins! Penguins everywhere! They've gathered an army! I'm scared...

(Via Towleroad)

Thar She Blows!

A rare white killer whale has been spotted off the Aleutian Islands. Captain Ahab is on his way to Alaska as we speak.

More pictures of white animals here. That white moose is so cute, all fuzzy with his winter coat and blending in and stuff.

(Via Towleroad)

Monday, March 10, 2008

One Wedding I Would Have Actually Liked To Attend!

Comedienne Kathy Griffin, whom I absolutely j'adore as is Constitutionally mandated for all gay men, got herself ordained over the Internet (well, her assistant did it for her) to marry a couple. A straight couple, at that! They'll be on the new season of her reality show over the summer and everything. How cool is that? They totally saved on the videographer.

(Via Towleroad)

The People Have Spoken

Hillary Pugham Clinton is the winner of the all-important Florida Pug Primary! Barack Pugbama would have done much better in a caucus situation.

(Via Wonkette)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

One Of The Great Mysteries Of Our Times

What is Ludacris doing with hos in Nebraska?!?!? Does he have a Lutheran farm girl fetish we don't know about?

Start The Week With A Laugh

Babe-raham Lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Irish Pub Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.'

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Bourgeois PR

As we've seen before, I occasionally ping on the radar of random people and companies who think this blog is a good forum to advertise in. We've also seen that I'm a total soft touch who'll give a plug for no renumeration as long as someone asks nicely. Thus, it comes as no surprise that the following two ladies are about to get a hearty Bourgeois Nerd shout-out.

Babeland Blog is written by the lovely Dallas for Babeland toys [NSFW]. The site is mostly geared towards women, but there is a men's toys section, and the blog is still interesting. Dallas is a great writer with a strong voice.

Jeri Westerson, meanwhile, is Getting Medieval on all our asses. She's also a writer of medieval mysteries, specifically what she likes to call "Medieval Noir." Intriguing, non? I, for one, want to see what that's all about when her first book, Veil of Lies, comes out this fall.

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Connex24.7, via Gay Fleshbot [NSFW])

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Plants Fight Back

They're adapting! Soon it will be an all-out war between humanity and the ruthless, inexorable legions of the Plant Kingdoms! Stock up on your weed-killer; it may be your only hope of surviving the upcoming Plantcalypse!

Reason #139831-B Why I Am A Bad Gay

My skin is just a mess right now. My face is all flaky, yet oily, bumpy, and just not the best it's ever been. I know the steps to good facial skin -- cleanse, tone, and moisturize -- but I don't do them because I'd rather sleep an extra three minutes in the morning rather than do a regimen, and even more importantly, I HATE putting anything on my skin. Even if it's good for it, I just feel greasy and yucky. And I just realized there's absolutely no point to this post, but, hey, since when does any post on any blog have a point?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Cover Letters

Wow, who knew just attaching that bullshit boilerplate cover letter that except for company names and job titles is exactly the same as every other cover letter you or anyone else has ever written, and that you didn't think anyone ever bothered to read before tossing your resume in the trash, could actually get you in the door at a major advertising firm!

Monday, March 03, 2008


A chair/bookshelf? You'd think I'd sign right up! Frankly, though? It leaves me with a big feeling of "Meh." It's a little too design school project for my taste. Plus, I'm a sucker for comfort, and it just really doesn't look that comfortable. Slap some cushions up on that bitch, I say, and get back to me!

Animal News Update

Knut, the World's Most Famous Polar Bear, is over a year old now and, like most teenagers, just a little grumpy. Those hormones are such a bitch!

What was thought to be an all-female bat colony is either the site of the birth of eight
Chiropteran Messiahs, or at least one bat dude look like a lady.

A mutation makes one octopus more like a "hexapus." If I were that aquarium, I'd be wary; no telling what kind of superpowers that mutation might have given it! Let's just hope he uses them for good and not evil.

(Via towleroad; via Pharyngula)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Someone Hit "Play Random" In My Head

1) As someone prone to allergies and bouts of sinusitis, including over the past few days, I've begun to wonder if, as unpleasant as they are, they're actually a good way for our bodies to slough off our old nasal and sinus linings for newer, less contaminated ones.

2) I really like the word "slough" for some reason.

3) With the terrible depletion of the world's tuna population, and the adverse effects this has on marine ecosystems, I'm feeling more and more guilty every time I eat a tuna fish sandwich.

4) A sign that I will soon be an old man: I'm getting to close to having to trim my nosehairs.

5) It'd be nice to have a straight boy for a friend. That reminds me, I want everyone to know that I love having readers of all kinds, gay, straight, male, female, transgendered, whatever. I really do love and cherish everyone (as long as they're giving me empty, meaningless validation by reading my blog), and don't want anyone to feel unwelcome here at Bourgeois Nerd. I'm not going to change my posting philosophy, as vague and ill-defined as it is, or censor myself, of course, however.

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Jason Curious [NSFW]; Dudetube [NSFW]; Francois Sagat [NSFW])