Thursday, March 30, 2006

They Have A Card For That, You Know

As hard as it is to believe, considering some of the god-awful cards I've seen, but they actually do have a pile of rejected greeting cards laying around.

(Via Bookninja)

Should I Send Frankincense Or Just Myrrh?

I think one of these puppies might be the Canine Messiah, 'cause Mama is looking very Madonna-esque.

(Via Homer's World)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Sacre Bleu!

You all know I hate the French as reflexively and unreflectively and irrationally as any toothless Appalachian who doesn't even know where France is. And if it's even possible, I hate French Canadians even more. (Dudes, you live in Canada! Stop bitching!) But I do make one exception. Oh la la!

A Holy Place Desecrated!

Thieves! Defilers! They must be hunted down and punished for their temerity!

(Via Bookninja)

The Shape Of Things To Come

What I'll probably have to deal with in ten years. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm dealing with it now! *sigh* So many books, so little room... (and time and money).

(Via Bookninja)

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Western Civilization Isn't Quite Dead Yet

The American public redeemed itself (slightly) by showing just enough vestigial good taste to condemn Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector to a 7th place showing at the box office. I've never been prouder to be an American.

Who Needs A Lawyer When You Have A Serta?

If this was all it took to get a divorce in America, the divorce rate would be like 120%.

(Via Gawker)

Mr. Goody Two-Shoes

You Are 14% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

(Via Professorial Confessions)

Monday, March 27, 2006

I Wish I Knew How To Sue You!

Randy Quaid is suing because he claims he was misled about the earning potential of Brokeback Mountain and, consequently, took a too-low salary. Now, I think it's a bit silly and unlikely to go anywhere, but I can't work up any sort of indignation against Randy Quaid for it. This is America and in America we have the God-given right to try to squeeze as much money out of any situation we can. And since he's the only one in the cast who really hasn't gotten awards and/or exposure from doing the movie, I say let him sue!

You Don't Own Me!

18.75 %

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

Sunday, March 26, 2006


The world's oldest tortoise has died. He was 250 years old, though, so you can't say he didn't have a good run.

Friday, March 24, 2006

I Must Make A Pilgrimage!

It's Chewbacca! It's a sign from The Force!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Straight Out Of Crazy World

You know those Bud Light commercials where that "Daredevil" guy does "incredible" stunts, such as the awe-inspiring "listening to John Tesh CD" or the death-defying "talking to his girlfriend"? You know what I find funny about them (besides the fact that they set male/female relations back about fifty years by portraying men as overgrown fratboy clods and woman as touchy-feely shopaholics)? The fact that the schlub they have playing the "Daredevil" has an incredibly hot girlfriend! I mean, so hot even I would have to think a second before rejecting her sexual advances. It's just sooooo Hollywood/world of advertising, you just have to chuckle.


I don't know if I have any stoner readers, but if I do, good news: High Times isn't "gateway reading!" So you won't have the added shame of becoming "'book junkies' who rummage through street bargain bins for a fix" after all. (What? Me a book junkie? That's just crazy talk! I can quit any time I want!)

(Via Bookninja)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Margaret Atwood

The more I read about Margaret Atwood, the odder a person she seems. At least one of her personalities has invented a remote book signing machine, so that neither of them have to actually go to a bookstore to do an author signing. It's all very Wile E. Coyote, apparently.

(Via Bookninja; Bookslut)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Superhero Religion

You know, considering how nerdy I am, it really is surprising that I'm not more into comic books. I was a fan of X-Men and old Fantastic Four TV cartoons, but never really got into comic books themselves. No reason, really, just never happened.

Anyway, despite the fact that I only know who a few of these superheroes are, this list of superhero religious affiliation is really rather fascinating. Who knew there were so many Jewish/Catholic/Episcopalian superheroes? Really, who knew that superheroes were religious at all? I mean, religion really isn't something you associate with them, ya know? You don't think of Spider-Man going to church or Batman praying; it's not what superheroing is all about. But, then, it really isn't that surprising, when a lot of superheroes have met God(s) personally (like Wonder Woman) or are themselves gods (like Thor).

(Via Pharyngula)

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Beastie Boys

I was never a huge fan of The Beastie Boys. I always thought they sounded terrible. But, really, I've never cared much about them one way or another.

At some point, though, even the disinterested have to ask, "When is it time to give the white-boy rapping up?" The answer? WHEN YOU HAVE FREAKING SALT AND PEPPER HAIR! Seriously, y'all, last night I saw Adam Yauch (alias MCA, alias Nathaniel Hornblower) on Late Night with Carson Daly (yeah, I watch it; what can I say, I'm up all night, I have to watch something) and he looks like frickin' Moses! Time to hang up the tracksuits, Boys.

For All The Medievalists In The Audience...

You scored as Wiglaf. Loyal and brave in your own right, you are Wiglaf, one of Beowulf's Geats. You are the only one of Beowulf's hand-picked troop who stood by his Lord's side as he faced the dragon. After Beowulf's death, you rebuke those who fled when they were needed most.



The Dragon










Grendel's Mother


If You Were in Beowulf...
created with

Saturday, March 18, 2006

A New Oracle; or, The i-Ching

All hail Pythia's heir: i-Tunes!

Makes me kinda wish I actually had an i-Tunes playlist so I could play, too. Oh well.

I've Always Felt Different; Turns Out It's Because I'm A Small African Nation!

You're Togo!

Small, quiet, and very insecure, you could hide in just about any crowd. Even a crowd of one or two people. Even though you're virtually anonymous anywhere you go, you could have been wealthy if people hadn't mistreated you and taken your money. This is probably most of why you're insecure. But some people who study you hard think you're cute, so maybe you should try to open up a little.

Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Begosh And Begorra!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Don't drink and drive!

Enjoy the Irish lads (or the fair colleens, if that's your thing)!

Erin Go Bragh!

Too Close To Truth

This Onion story almost isn't funny because I can totally see something like that actually happening.

(Via Bookslut)

Thursday, March 16, 2006

High School Dreamin'

Not being an academic, I've never had these particular anxiety dreams. However, there is one dream I've had a couple of times towards the end of college. Basically, despite being in college, it's found that I didn't fulfill all of my high school requirements and have to go back for some classes to complete them. So I'm both a college senior and a high school student at the same time. Considering how much I hated high school, you can imagine all the fun that dream provided. I'm not exaggerating when I say I woke up a time or two all clammy and breathing heavy; it was a literal nightmare.

(BTW, speaking of college, some college-life humor.)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I Have A Really Sucky Muse

My Muse is, apparently, a lazy ass who hasn't bothered to come 'round lately. Having too much fun on Olympus, I expect. I used to be a writer (poetry, short stories, the usual). I used to dream of being a novelist. Now? Not so much. I just can't write anymore. I mean, this blogging stuff is writing, and that may be where some of the writing energy has gone, but in terms of creative writing, the Wells of Inspiration have been dry for some time now.

Oh, well, I'll never be the gay Jackie Collins, now. No fantastic jewelry for me! (Seriously, have you ever seen that woman's bling? FABulous!)


I don't know nothin' 'bout any energy drinks, but this Something Awful post makes me almost want to try one for a bout of perverse hilarity. And is it just more, or does that guy look exactly like Topher Grace?

Money Money Money Money

With money like this, who wouldn't want to be a capitalist pig?!?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


This post, couple with an experience I had recently, got me thinking.

I'm a very lucky person, in all sorts of ways, but particularly in terms of my sexuality. I've never had to deal with gay bashing or hardcore homophobia; I've never lived in fear that my parents will throw me out of the house or stop loving more anything like that. I "pass" for straight most of the time, though I'm not trying to act straight. I have my queeny/flaming moments, but, for the most part, I just act "normally," in a way that isn't considered "gay." I've never felt conflicted or ashamed of my sexuality. In fact, I can't imagine being straight or even wanting to be. I think being gay is great.

But, despite what on the surface is the "perfect" life, despite the fact that it is supposedly "cool" to be gay nowadays and we gays are somehow taking over and destroying America with our degeneracy, it really isn't always fun to be gay in America.

More than anything, what gets me personally is the evasion. When people ask me if I'm going to get married and have kids, do I say, "No, I'm a big homo, so there will be no reproducing from me, and I'll have to move to Canada or Massachusetts to get married."? When people ask me if I have a girlfriend, do I say, "No, I'm gay. No boyfriend, either, though."? I want to say it, I almost say it, but I always chicken out with non-gendered pronouns and general answers. Why don't I come out to my father and grandmother? Why don't I ever talk about it with my mother or my sister? Because I don't want to upset anyone. Because I don't want a bad reaction that will upset me. Because I'm afraid. So I evade and omit. And that is torture. I can't be fully open in a way that straight people just naturally are.

As I said, I don't have to deal with the kind of homphobia that many of my brethren and sistren do (and all praises to the queeny queens and bull dykes and transgendered, 'cause they're the brave and strong ones). But that doesn't mean I don't deal with subtler forms.

Mighty Porno Ranger

The original Red Power Ranger (and, yes, I watched the show, until they kept changing the Rangers and it got stupid) is doing gay porn. I remember hearing that he was in some kind of softcore thing a few years ago, but this is a little bit more. He's totally roided up and doesn't look nearly as good as he did. A shame. I always liked the nerdy Blue Ranger best, anyway, though. Wonder what he's up to...

(Via Towleroad via Pink Is The New Blog)

Monday, March 13, 2006

Textbook Humor

I'm such a nerd that I actually like textbooks; the fact that I found this hilarious makes me a nerd of the highest order!

They're Not All The Same!

Different fonts have different personalities, you know!

(Via Bookninja)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

"How To Create An Instant Bestseller"(?)

Or say the author of this article claims. A lot of what they say is sound advice for good writing, but some of it is a tad pedantic (i.e. they perpetuate the "split infinitive" thing that gets my goat so much). Also, I don't really think doing as they suggest is going to get you a bestseller. I mean, basically, their advice is "Write well!" Yeah, that's nice and all, but a lot of bestselling authors don't "write well" as defined by the article and I'm sure there are a lot of technically virtuous manuscripts out there no one wants to read. Being a bestseller is, I've come to believe, really about luck and marketing and sheer chance, not whether you use active or passive voice.

(Via Bookninja)

Hush, Hush

Every time "Voices Carry" comes on the radio, I instantly relax. The song is mellow, but it's more the memory that's relaxing. It was playing on the radio on a cool, clear May night about five years ago. I was riding in a friend's car on the way back from my senior prom (no date, male or female) and the window was down and the air was lovely and it was really dark (we were driving through a really rural area) and that song was on the radio and it was just so chill. Good times.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Pure Evil

A really evil method of revenge. (Some content on the other side of the link NSFW.) Don't mess with those who have your address, people! Unless you want pornography sent to you. Which reminds me, I need to call and complain about something... *LOL*

My Kind of Bird

Why fly when you can ride? And it didn't have to pay fare, either, just fly under the turnstyle. Who says pigeons ain't smart?

(Via Gawker)

Friday, March 10, 2006

Ice Sculptures


One of my favorite books of all time is Neil Gaiman's Stardust. It's a beautiful fairy tale with one of the most haunting endings you've ever read.

I was excited, then, to read that there's a film adaptation in the works. But, uh, Claire Danes as Yvaine? Ugh. And the De Niro character is nowhere in the book and sounds absolutely awful. Pajiba voices concerns about the writer, as well.

*sigh* I suppose it's just going to be another Hollywood hack job of a great book.

(Via Bookslut)

Universe By Committee

It all makes sense now.

(Via Pharyngula)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hairy Lobster

Yeah, you heard me, they've found a hairy lobster (though, actually, it isn't a true lobster, but a distant crustacean relative) in the abyssal depths of the South Pacific. Everyone else has already done all the bad/dirty jokes, so I'll just note the story without comment.

(Via Pharyngula; Hairy Museum of History; Not Only But Also)

80s Music

What is it about 80s pop music that's just so... good. I mean, even the cheesy, bubblegum stuff just seems so much better than today's cheesy, bubblegum though.

Is it just nostalgia, though? It's the music of my early childhood, so of course I have a soft spot for it. Those of different generations: is 80s pop actually good or just good if you grew up with it?

My God, I Am SOOOOOO Shallow!

This guy is writing an interesting intergeneratioinal polemic and all I can concentrate on is his total hotness!

(Via Books, Inq.)

Gotta Love The Puns

Sic Puppy

Grammar Makes Me [Sic]!

(Via Unlocked Wordhoard)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It's The Little Things...

...that turn you on, ya know? For instance, I love it when a guy has a tan body and a snowy-white ass. It's sexy as all get out.

T.S. Eliot Would Be Proud

"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" as reimagined by a fratboy, or, as I like to think of it, "The Hook-Up Song of Jayce 'Assman' Prufrock."

(Via Bookninja)

Go To Hell!

But don't forget to read the travel guide, first!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

More Oscars Crap

You know, I just realized that, for an awards show that no one really likes to watch 'cause it's incredibly boring, we're all still obsessed with it. America really is Hollywood's bitch.


My fellow Gays are rioting over the Brokeback loss. Fabulously, of course.

Lots of people were liveblogging.

Andy Towle was shocked, but still incredibly pretty.

Rich is going to hell with Lauren Bacall.

Opinion on Jon Stewart's hosting is rather divided. Really, though, when does any host ever make everyone happy, so what does it matter? Someone is always going to bitch.

Crash provoked a hate-fuck.

The indomitable Fug Girls eviserate the bad Oscars fashion after overcoming Clooney Coma.

BTW, I totally never really got the Clooney-lusting thing, but, after losing the Syriana weight and recovering from the spinal injury, dude has been looking majorly hot. However, I didn't like the end of his acceptance speech. I mean, his "I'm glad we're not in touch" is fine, but he really didn't think it through. I mean, yeah, the Academy gave an Oscar to Hattie McDaniel in 1939 (because, I mean, how could you not give an Oscar to Mamie? She's the best part of the film!), but she and her date had to sit in the back of the theater at the ceremony. And it's not like black actors were rakin' in the big roles for a long time after that. Also, yeah, you guys have been supportive of AIDS research, but y'all are also all closeted, too. So, George, Hollywood might not be "in touch," but that hardly makes it "progressive."

Pajiba weighs in.

Isaac Mizrahi is just like Joan Rivers (though, in my book, that's fine, since I love the old, plastic bitch).

Michael Berube hasn't gotten over Dances With Wolves yet, let alone Crash.

Richard lays on the sarcasm.

Some are dazed, but not confused.

And... that's it, I think. I'm Oscars-ed out.

March Of The Penguins Won, Brokeback Lost, And...

gay penguins get reshelved. Lord, people, will you stop it with the oppressing of the gay penguins!

(Via Towleroad)


The origin of Charlize Theron's Oscar look.

(Via Faggoty-Ass Faggot comment)

Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscar And Tony Are Domestic Partners, You Know

Every year it's the same thing: "I'm not going to watch the Oscars! It's so long and boring and I haven't even seen most of the films and I can't stand half of today's half-assed 'stars' anyway." And every year, around eight o'clock it's the same thing: "Okay, I guess I'll watch the Oscars..."

Surprised at George Clooney's win. I was sure Paul Giamatti would get it, just because the Academy always gives people the award in the wrong year.

If I were a woman, I would be incredibly jealous of Rachel Weisz; bitch looks better pregnant than any woman has a right to.

Jon Stewart, of whom I am a huge fan, did okay. Really, I just wanted him not to fail. Oscar hosts are never really funny; they're playing to too many different constituencies and have the Academy breathing down their necks. Still, there were enough chuckles to make it non-cringeworthy. (Speaking of cringeworthy, what about poor Lauren Bacall? She was not well, you could tell. They shouldn't have put her up there.)

The "shock" of the night was Crash's win for best picture. I put shock in quotation marks because I had a feeling Brokeback would loose to Crash. Though it's critically controversial, from what I've read, Crash is a sort of movie industry favorite. Brokeback was too hyped up; they probably just felt like fucking with us all and going for the "hometown favorite." Oh, well. I can't wait to see the consternation and irritation on the gay blogosphere later today... And I'm sure more than a few Oscar parties, whose guestlists are invariably gay-heavy (it is the Gay Superbowl, you know), were in an uproar.

I didn't watch the red carpet coverage, so I don't know for sure, but, by and large, the fashions on display were very nice. The only two howlers I saw were Charlize Theron's bow-the-size-of-her-head dress (And, BTW, what bug crawled up her pretty, pretty South African ass? She barely cracked a smile all night! Ya had an Oscar already, bitch, and you only got nominated this year because the competition pool was so poor, so smile, baby, and just have fun!) and Naomi Watts'... whatever the hell that is. As my sister said, it looked like a crafts maven hot glue gunned a bunch of rattan and shredded chiffon on her dress. Oh, and Nicole? STOP WITH THE BLONDE HAIR! It totally washes you out and makes your already enormous forehead look even bigger and more Botoxed than it already is! Go back to the red hair, girlfriend, immediately!

Otherwise, another insanely boring Oscar broadcast. Next year, I'm not watching it, though I know I totally will in the end.

Sunday, March 05, 2006


Finally, someone has ended Austen the right way:

Pride and Prejudice could be rendered less saccharine by introducing the scene where Darcy explains to Elizabeth that it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune still in want of a wife is obviously gay, so he is moving to Tangiers to live with Wickham.

really! Darcy and Wickham? The very idea! It would have been Darcy and Bingley, of course! If ever there was a top/bottom relationship, it was theirs.

(Via Bookslut)

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Da Vinci Load

Everyone's been so focused on Brokeback Mountain porn parody titles they missed punnable title... The Da Vinci Load! It's, like, so obvious! I'm rather embarassed I didn't think of it before.

(BTW, I get a kick out of the fact that this article is on a book industry website. Gay porn's going mainstream, baby!)

(Via Bookninja, of all places. Is there something you're not telling me, George? *hehehe*)

Friday, March 03, 2006

George Lucas Would Have A Heart Attack If He Saw This

Well, any movie featuring Ewan MacGregor rocking the hot Daddy look, young men going "Yes, Master!" to all and sundry, and Natalie Portman's fantastic costumes is bound to be at least a little gay.

Always Wear Clean Underwear

If you like Asians in underwear, here's the site for you! HOT!

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Queering of Christie

I've long been a fan of Agatha Christie. I have a whole bookshelf devoted to her. I'm also a big fan of the David Suchet Poirot and Joan Hickson Miss Marple adaptations. Most of these were done in the late 80s/early 90s, but Mr. Suchet has done a few more in the past year or two and they've relaunched Miss Marple with Geraldine McEwan playing the title role. (Joan Hickson died several years ago, but will always be, in my opinion, the Miss Marple. McEwan plays Miss Marple much too twinkly and precious for my taste.)

Anyway, I've noticed a trend in these newer Agatha Christie adaptations: a lot of queering going on. Christie didn't utterly ignore homosexuality (in A Murder Is Announced, for instance, there is a quite open lesbian relationship), but she definitely didn't feature it as much as her recent adaptations suggest. To wit...

Body in the Library: In the book, a heterosexual couple plan the murder; in the new adaptation, the identity of one of the culprits is changed, making the dastardly duo lesbians.

Five Little Pigs: In the book, one character is a boyhood friend of the murder victim with a crush on said victim's wife; in the new adaptation, the boyhood friend does not have a crush on the victim's wife, but on the victim himself.

Cards on the Table: Now this particular book I only read once, so my grasp of the details isn't as good as they should be. However, I don't remember the book containing the intimation that the murder victim was gay, a lesbionic friendship, a gay murderer, and a gay policeman caught on camera.

I don't actually have a complaint about this queering in the adaptations, since they're minor changes to the story that more or less work, but I do find it intriguing. Why, exactly, do the adapters feel it necessary to queer Christie to such a degree? What do they think it gets them that a more "faithful" approach wouldn't? Any thoughts (especially from the film studies/literature professors I know pop in from time to time) would be welcome!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


Maybe I'm just jaded because of basically growing up with the Internet and porn and Internet porn. Maybe I'm just a natural-born pervert. But is it just me that, when hearing rappers in songs talking about getting "freaky" or getting their "freak" on or bringing out the "freak" in a woman, thinks, "*YAWN* That's what you call freaky!"?

"Freaky" in rap (and, yes, I am conscious that I'm listening to radio rap, so perhaps I'm getting a very watered-down impression) seems to break down to such "nasty" things as doggy style, anal, threeways, and blowjobs. I'm sorry, but none of those things really strike me as "freaky." Beating off using cream cheese as lube while two woman and a transexual pee on you and your friends watch is freaky. Doing it doggy style? Not so much. Rappers have no sexual imagination, apparently. All talk and no game.

Is There Nothing "Brokeback" Can't Win?

I know I said I probably wouldn't do another Brokeback post unless it was to note it won the Oscar, but how can I, of all people, resist a quirky language article?

(Via Defamer)