Sunday, June 29, 2008

Start The Week With A Joke

Best Goldfish Joke Ever!

Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Towleroad; Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Friday, June 27, 2008

Forbidden Love

I don't know what it is, but stories of interspecies love and friendship, such as this one between a black lab and a ram, just make me feel all warm and fuzzy. I guess it's the idea that love can transcend any boundary or obstacle. I'm really an incurable romantic at heart.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Shake That Ass..

...and grade my paper!

(Via Towleroad)

The Midget Bestiality Scat Porn...

...of book lists, so don't get your hopes up. (I just want to see what a post title like that does for my page views. It's all about the hits, baby!)

So Heartwarming I Could Boil Water On My Chest

Dog adopts rejected tiger cub. That cub is sooooooo going to have issues when it grows up. It'll try to bark like the other dogs, but it'll always come out like a roar, and then he'll ask his mother why, and then she'll explain that he's not a dog but a tiger, and he'll be all "I'm adopted?!?!?" and then go looking for his roots and find his mother is a total trailer trash tiger who didn't want him, and he'll fall in with the wrong crowd at the zoo with the parrots and the kimodo dragons until the love of a good tiger straightens him out and he accepts his tiger-ness. Or at least that's the plot of the animated feature they'll make. In my head.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Set A Course, Mr. Sulu... To The Altar!

George Takei and partner are among the first in LA to get a marriage license. They plan to have their wedding in September. And, yes, people have already made "where no man has gone before" jokes, so I don't have to.

(Via Towleroad)

Snail Mail

Enough with this "instantaneous electronic communication" crap! It's time we sit back, relax, and let the gastropods do the heavy lifting.

Favorite Junk Email Headline Of The Month

"I know what girls do on a farm. DO NOT leave them there unattended!" Yeah, you don't want any unauthorized hay-baling or anything.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

It's Bananas!

The world's oldest-living non-human primate, star of Tarzan and Dr. Doolittle, still doesn't have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It's a travesty, and we must do something! The poor thing's 76; he ain't gonna last that much longer. He deserves to live to see it. Here's the online petition.

I've Always Wanted To Try A Little Kiwi

Oh my! I never thought I'd say this, but I wouldn't mind trading places with Laura Bush for a few minutes to get to see that in person! (Plus, I'd finally get to find out what drugs they have that bitch on! Seriously, just look at her; she's obviously on some good shit. How else could she keep up that vacant-eyed smile, not to mention live with that husband of hers, without the help of some serious pharmaceuticals? I think they've been feeding them to her for years to keep her docile and not smothering Dubya in his sleep.)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Hot Panda Sex

Compared to their placid, notoriously undersexed selves in captivity, wild pandas are, well, kinda wild! And they sound like Wookiees when they're horny! So cool.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

I Think I Just Found My "Mr. Big"

This video is one of the best Sex and the City internet videos purely due to the hot Daddy with the microphone. The floppy salt-and-pepper hair, the scruff, the "getting drunk while all the sad punters are watching the movie"? *swoon*

(Via The Sword [site NSFW])

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me They Were Writing A Book About ME?!?

What? You mean I'm not the archetypal American Nerd? But that's the characteristic I've built my entire cyberidentity and blogging empire (not a word!) around! Has the world not been paying attention?!? Oh, they haven't? Well, then... *sigh*

(Via Books, Inq.)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Beautiful Mag [NSFW]; Major Model Management; Bill in Exile [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW])

Thursday, June 05, 2008


One of the joys of old books are the stuff you find tucked inside them, also known by the much more erudite term "book ephemera." Sadly, I've never gotten anything valuable or even that interesting, but it's still cool to look at old inserts and such. I make my own ephemera, too, mostly receipts I use as bookmarks and tuck into books after I've read them, so when I go back to reread them I can see just when I got the book.

(Via Bookninja)

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Revenge Of Cartoon Nostalgia

It's been almost a year since the last edition of Cartoon Nostalgia, Bourgeois Nerd's wildly popular (just go with it) walk down the Cartoontown stretch of Memory Lane. High time for a new installment, then!

Gummi Bears

A bunch of talking bears who live in a tree, who, when they drink "gummiberry juice," start bouncing around like rubber balls. Yeah, totally written by potheads. What always got me, even when I was younger, was that part of the conceit of the show was that this group were the last Gummi Bears in this geographic area, and they were all related, so just how were the younger Gummi Bears supposed to propagate except through incest? Gross!

David the Gnome

A Spanish (surprisingly, since I thought it was of German or Dutch or some other Northern European origin) import, the adventures of a rosy-cheeked gnome with a pointy red hat and a rosy-cheeked gnome wife, who was a doctor who rode on a fox to see his patients and teach us about respecting animals and the environment.

Darkwing Duck

"Darkwing Duuuuuck! Let's. Get. Dangerouuuuuus..." Basically, Batman with ducks, though without quite as much "vigilante avenging the death of his parents in a corrupt, Gothic cityscape" angst.

The Critic

Jon Lovitz, surprisingly adorable in cartoon-form, as a movie critic a la Ebert. Its spoofs of crap Hollywood movies are, ten years or more later, horrifyingly more plausible than ever.

Tale Spin

The bear from The Jungle Book runs... an airline? Battles air pirates? Yeah, just go with it.


One of my all-time favs, along with ExoSquad, Batman: The Animated Series, and Gargoyles (which I never really watched, but I know has a large cult following), the X-Men cartoon was another in a string of surprisingly dark, complex, mature cartoons from the 90s. I'm not really sure what it was in that decade that made it prone to such almost savagely gritty cartoon storytelling, but I loved it! They didn't insult your intelligence or maturity, and that's always appreciated. Plus, I soooo wanted mutant powers, though I probably would have gotten something crappy, like the power to staple with my hands or something.

One thing this show did, borrowing from its comic book roots, was serialized story arcs, something I haven't seen another cartoon series ever doing. (My favorite were the Phoenix ones. I yelled "I. AM. PHOENIX." to the TV waaay too much.) It also furnished cartoon beefcake for this budding homosexual. Gambit (sexy) and Cyclops (a total weenie, but hot) and Wolverine (total bear-Daddy), and even some of the baddies, like Mr. Sinsiter (vampire-sexy) and Magneto (magnetic), all fueled my pre-pubescent gaiety. Plus, there were kick-ass, complicated women like Storm and Jean Grey and Rogue. Heck, I even liked Jubilee, the yellow trench coat wearing newbie, which is unpopular, let me tell ya.

Wolverine in yellow, though? Not a good look.

Muppet Babies

The Muppets! As babies! Having fantastical adventures through the power of imagination and musical numbers! All while living with a nanny who's only visible features were green-and-white striped knee socks! What's not to love?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Brother By Another Mother

Always nice to know I'm not the only one with a problem. Except for the "bilingual" thing, we could almost be twins (well, spiritually, anyway)!

(Via Bookslut)

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Stringing Along

Does anyone have a frickin' clue what the hell the string hanging down in this picture is? Is it an incredibly ill-conceived necklace sort of thing? A "subtle" arrow pointing to the crotch? The ties to a bonnet? It's driving me insane!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Hot Flash [NSFW]; DudeTube [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW]; Jason Curious [NSFW])