More Fun With Spam

I know I've been a bit obsessed with spam message message lines lately, but they're just so crazy-brilliant!

Does your witch make you sick? Cheer up!

I'll have you know that my witch is a lovely woman!

I am frightened what some people do with females!

Well, it ain't my thing, but I'm not frightened of it, per se.

Hi! This is Lesley from last Saturday night's video shoot.

Who on earth would not know this is spam? I mean, it's actual, grammatical English, yes, but just how many people are there that could go, "I don't recall a Lesley, but I did spend Saturday night shooting that YouTube video of that squirrel doing a cartwheel in the park. Lesley must have been one of those people in the background; I think I'll open this email!"?

Try and living up to them, to you will spend all seems for nothing

I just love the nonsensical poetry of this.

Divorcement Arguments. Beasts Incriminated.

Well, if someone made an ultimatum between a pet and a partner, I know I'd have a hard time choosing.

Fun With Spam

I received recently the most extraordinarily random email ever the other day:

radioshow landslip exoteric‏

arms and legs.He clawed at his belt and came up with a dagger, so Brienne cut his hand off. That one was forIt is, Your Grace, Lady Merryweather agreed. The High Septon should have come to you. An

As far as Google is concerned, it's a collection of bits from George R. R. Martin's (extraordinary, highly-recommended, BTW) A Song of Ice and Fire series. But what does it mean?!? I'm perplexed and intrigued. Is it some inscrutable spam, or some more mysterious message sent to me by a stranger for a reason beyond mortal ken? I just don't think I'll ever know.

Be Afraid; Be Very Afraid

The spam has evolved!

Bourgeois Birthday Bash

Yes, there was last year's anniversary meditation and another anniversary post, and still other anniversary posts, too. But this year it's the FIFTH anniversary of Bourgeois Nerd! Such a momentous event cannot go un-noted, so prepare yourself for FIVE YEARS LATER: A BOURGEOIS NERD EXTRAVAGANZA!

It all began with this first post on New Year's Eve 2004. From small seeds grow... small plants? Or something.

My greatest blogging triumph, perhaps, is the Cartoon Nostalgia series. Nostalgia's fun. And damn I watched a lot of cartoons!

Shocking for a blog called Bourgeois Nerd, I've talked a whole hell of a lot about Star Wars. I'm also prone to going meta about nerds and geeks and what it all means. It's all so self-reinforcing, not to mention cliche.

Glade Lady is my muse. My crazy, commercial character muse.

Pathetically enough, this is the last time I had almost-sex. *sigh* That was when I still had my lost youthful looks (before I got fat and ugly); now, I'm just thoughtful. This is one of the many reasons I'm not a very good Gay, except that I am. Makes me worry about love.

I'm nothing if not a bibliophile (I know, you're shocked), so there are more posts about books and libraries than is even possible to number! A few of the highlights: I like the smell of books; Bourgeois Book Club; I was in a book and then proceeded to shill it endlessly.

I was once briefly famous in the academic blogosphere. Fame, alas, is elusive on the blogosphere. I don't regret the conclusion not to go into academia, though.

Thi post that has perhaps gotten me the most traffic, due to its placement on Google Images. I've since gotten to see her in person, and let me tell you it's even more amazing!

I recently took a walk down Memory Lane to reminisce about Blogs That Aren't There Anymore.

I didn't think the new Star Trek movie would work at first, but then I changed my mind.

I'm obsessed with polar bear hybrids, as well as pugs, pandas, unusual white animals, gay birds, interspecies amity, and just about anything cute.

I can be amazingly thick sometimes.

Christmas is over, but holiday nostalgia and The Spirit of Christmas lasts all year 'round at Bourgeois Nerd!

As hard as it is to believe, I can get even more pensive and existential than usual. Heck, I doubt I'm real sometimes!

I like fall, and like the turning of the leaves each year, I repeat this fact every autumn.

I find that confession is good for the soul, and blogs are the new confession booths, without all that pesky priest and the Hail Marys and such.

Spam is the artform of our age.

I was obsessed by the Beijing Summer Olympics (for the menz, natch)!

For a certain subset of readers, my main claim to fame is the GH TWoP FAQs.

Finally, I know why you all really come here: Skimpy Sundays. Pervs!

Five years and 2,694 posts later, here I am! It's all rather amazing. I've outlasted so many worthier and more popular blogs. It's humbling. And what's next? Well, hopefully at some point this year I'll be able to get the new look going. This place definitely needs a facelift. Otherwise, I just hope I can continue to grow and improve as a blogger, whatever that means.

But regardless of what the future brings, right now I want to thank all the fantastic bloggers who I shamelessly rip off for content draw inspiration from and who have linked to me over the years. Thank you most of all, though, to all my readers. My readership isn't the biggest out there, but it's definitely one of the best! I love you all! Happy New Year!!!

Best. Spam. Title. EVER.

"Nubian naughtiness is the BEST!" Yes, spammer; yes it is.

"Innovative Anti-Virals!"

Usually, a trip into the Junk email folder is good only for a chuckle at the random-string-of-words-generated-by-a-Chinese-computer-and-translated-into-English-by-a-Hausa-smartphone subject lines before deleting. This week, however, it was the "sender" that caught my eye upon receiving an email for "Innovative anti-virals" from one "Adrick Black." Adrick Black! Isn't that, like, the coolest name ever? It's like a Harry Potter character or a Victorian detective or something. It tickles me every time I see it; I actually kept it for three days just to revel in the wonder of its majesty. Thanks, spam email robot!

Have A Little STYLE, Dear Spammer

The state of spam-writing in this country is absolutely deplorable! Our colleges are too busy with their feminism and communism and anit-Americanism to teach our children the proper way to communicate via unsolicited email! Thankfully, someone has finally given this matter some attention!

(Via Maud Newton)

Personal-ity

Not that anyone cares, but I feel an inexplicable need to explain why this isn't a terribly personal blog.

I don't go in much for confession or storytelling, like, say, Bill in Exile. It's not that I'm afraid of letting the world know my business; if you've been reading the blog, you know it's not as if I don't tell you guys personal things. It's just that, at this point in my life, there's nothing to tell. It'd get really boring really quickly if every day was another iteration of "I'm fat, I have no job, I can't find a man, I sleep a lot, I watch TV, I'm addicted to the Internet, blah blah blah." Obviously, I do talk about these things, but it's not the central thrust of the blog. It would be really, really if it were, not just for you, but for me. And, since those topics basically encapsulate my life currently, that's what it would be like.

As for storytelling, well, I suck at telling stories. And, frankly, my getting up at five o'clock in the afternoon isn't much of a tale. I just don't have an interesting job or career that provides lots of story fodder (like Rudbeckia) or lots of interesting tales from my past (like Joe).

So I keep the blog nerdy and lighthearted with inanities, observations, and lots of links I get from other, more creative people. Again, you probably don't care, but I just thought I'd explain myself.

BTW, I haven't been getting much non-spam commentary lately. I feel neglected. I need some love!