Pandas, Pandas, Pandas!

I'm not the only one who loves pandas. And, really, what soulless beast couldn't love them? But there are limits, you know.

Bamboo Haggis, Here We Come!

Scotland may be getting a breeding pair of pandas. Three words spring to mind: pandas in kilts. I just blew your mind, didn't I?

Speaking of pandas, they seem to have come out of the Chinese earthquake unscathed, though there are concerns about their food and some of the scientists.

"Hey There, Sailor!"

Female pandas "chirp" to indicate their fertility. They're only "in the mood" for a few days a year, though, so male pandas have to sharp.

The Bamboo Shoot That Broke The Waffle's Back

Pandas inflame Belgian internal divisions. Those pandas: So cute! So evil!

Five More To Go To Beat Jon & Kate

Red Panda female gives birth to triplets to surprise of all; the keepers didn't even know she was pregnant. Red Panda triplets are very rare, apparently. Surprising fact: Red Pandas aren't red when they're born! They're black and white like their Giant Panda namesakes! Another surprising fact: there are Red Pandas in North Dakota!

(Via Cute Overload)

Bear Sex

How do you guarantee a reprint of your novel? Get indicted! Scooter Libby's 1996 The Apprentice has proven to be so in-demand since his indictment, the publisher has decided to print 25,000 new copies. Well, that should help defray the legal bills, at least! And who wouldn't want to own a book now infamous for its pedophilic bear porn? (I don't get the big deal about the bear sex, really. Shoot, us gays have been having sex with bears for years!

Meanwhile, in other bear sex news, two pandas in Thailand make it legal before hitting the bamboo sheets. Great idea, guys! Pandas are already notoriously non-horny creatures; marriage should really get them in the mood. *eye roll*

(Via Gawker; Wonkette)

Sight For Sore Eyes (Sorry, But You Knew I'd Have To Use It Eventually)

Things may be quite a bit on the blurry side at the moment, but red pandas and wombats are cute no matter your visual acuity.

Ugly Americans

American pandas: lazy, monolingual fat-asses with bad coats. There's just no way could this be construed as a cultural/geopolitical metaphor. None at all.

"Pass The Splenda, Please! I'm Watching My Figure; This Bamboo Is So Fattening!"

Red pandas apparently like artificial sweeteners, the only non-primates thus far found to do so.

2012: The Pandapocalypse

Bamboo just doesn't cut it anymore; the Pandas have found a taste for flesh! This is just what the Maya predicted! First, they'll hypnotize us with cuteness, and then they'll eat our faces off!

Cute Overload Is Trying To Kill Me

Knut The Baby Polar Bear Knut! It even rhymes with "cute"!

Name The Pandas! What's Chinese for "snorgle"?

Live Panda Sex Show!

Know how pandas are notoriously undersexed and that conservationists have found it difficult to get them to mate? Well, at least one panda couple have rocked the trailer quite hard. Apparently, all it took was a younger man. You go, girl!

Shark Hybrids

Last week, pandas were eating meat, and this week, the sharks are hybridizing! This can mean only one thing: panda-sharks! It'll never be safe to go back into the water!

(Via The Awl)

One Of The World's Conundrums

What irony from the gods, what quirk of evolution, what sheer cosmic perversity has instilled in humans the propensity to turn into cooing piles of goo upon seeing even the most predatory animals, such as lions, due to sheer cutness? I know there's research that says that we've evolved an "Awww!" response to babies (something to do with the proportions of eyes to head and head to body and such) to make us more prone to protect and nurture the little horrors, and that's probably why certain animals, pandas for instance, are so incredibly cute to us, but does that explain why we find adult lions and bears and whales, and even certain kinds of reptiles and fish and even invertebrates, adorable?

Bourgeois Birthday Bash

Yes, there was last year's anniversary meditation and another anniversary post, and still other anniversary posts, too. But this year it's the FIFTH anniversary of Bourgeois Nerd! Such a momentous event cannot go un-noted, so prepare yourself for FIVE YEARS LATER: A BOURGEOIS NERD EXTRAVAGANZA!

It all began with this first post on New Year's Eve 2004. From small seeds grow... small plants? Or something.

My greatest blogging triumph, perhaps, is the Cartoon Nostalgia series. Nostalgia's fun. And damn I watched a lot of cartoons!

Shocking for a blog called Bourgeois Nerd, I've talked a whole hell of a lot about Star Wars. I'm also prone to going meta about nerds and geeks and what it all means. It's all so self-reinforcing, not to mention cliche.

Glade Lady is my muse. My crazy, commercial character muse.

Pathetically enough, this is the last time I had almost-sex. *sigh* That was when I still had my lost youthful looks (before I got fat and ugly); now, I'm just thoughtful. This is one of the many reasons I'm not a very good Gay, except that I am. Makes me worry about love.

I'm nothing if not a bibliophile (I know, you're shocked), so there are more posts about books and libraries than is even possible to number! A few of the highlights: I like the smell of books; Bourgeois Book Club; I was in a book and then proceeded to shill it endlessly.

I was once briefly famous in the academic blogosphere. Fame, alas, is elusive on the blogosphere. I don't regret the conclusion not to go into academia, though.

Thi post that has perhaps gotten me the most traffic, due to its placement on Google Images. I've since gotten to see her in person, and let me tell you it's even more amazing!

I recently took a walk down Memory Lane to reminisce about Blogs That Aren't There Anymore.

I didn't think the new Star Trek movie would work at first, but then I changed my mind.

I'm obsessed with polar bear hybrids, as well as pugs, pandas, unusual white animals, gay birds, interspecies amity, and just about anything cute.

I can be amazingly thick sometimes.

Christmas is over, but holiday nostalgia and The Spirit of Christmas lasts all year 'round at Bourgeois Nerd!

As hard as it is to believe, I can get even more pensive and existential than usual. Heck, I doubt I'm real sometimes!

I like fall, and like the turning of the leaves each year, I repeat this fact every autumn.

I find that confession is good for the soul, and blogs are the new confession booths, without all that pesky priest and the Hail Marys and such.

Spam is the artform of our age.

I was obsessed by the Beijing Summer Olympics (for the menz, natch)!

For a certain subset of readers, my main claim to fame is the GH TWoP FAQs.

Finally, I know why you all really come here: Skimpy Sundays. Pervs!

Five years and 2,694 posts later, here I am! It's all rather amazing. I've outlasted so many worthier and more popular blogs. It's humbling. And what's next? Well, hopefully at some point this year I'll be able to get the new look going. This place definitely needs a facelift. Otherwise, I just hope I can continue to grow and improve as a blogger, whatever that means.

But regardless of what the future brings, right now I want to thank all the fantastic bloggers who I shamelessly rip off for content draw inspiration from and who have linked to me over the years. Thank you most of all, though, to all my readers. My readership isn't the biggest out there, but it's definitely one of the best! I love you all! Happy New Year!!!

Gorrilas: "We're Number One..."

"...in the race to going extinct! Suck on it, pandas! Primates rule!"

Animals React

This rundown of the reaction of the animals in the National Zoo to yesterday's earthquake is fascinating and deadpan hilarious.

My favorites are these:

"Murphy, the Zoo’s Komodo dragon, sought shelter inside."

"The Przewalski’s horses and scimitar-horned oryx hardly noticed although those that were inside did amble outside eventually."

"According to keepers, the giant pandas did not appear to respond to the earthquake."

(Via Bookslut)

Hot Panda Sex

Compared to their placid, notoriously undersexed selves in captivity, wild pandas are, well, kinda wild! And they sound like Wookiees when they're horny! So cool.

Spirt Bears

Move over, pandas, there's a new ursine star on the block!

(Via The Awl)

Atlanta Pandas; Or, "Oh My God, The Cuteness Is UnBEARable!"

Steve Schaefer/Agence France-Presse

Yang Yang (male; left) and Lun Lun (female; right).

Jessica McGowan for The New York Times

Yang Yang kicking back and gorging on bamboo, 'cause that how he roll.