Bourgeois Birthday Bash

Yes, there was last year's anniversary meditation and another anniversary post, and still other anniversary posts, too. But this year it's the FIFTH anniversary of Bourgeois Nerd! Such a momentous event cannot go un-noted, so prepare yourself for FIVE YEARS LATER: A BOURGEOIS NERD EXTRAVAGANZA!

It all began with this first post on New Year's Eve 2004. From small seeds grow... small plants? Or something.

My greatest blogging triumph, perhaps, is the Cartoon Nostalgia series. Nostalgia's fun. And damn I watched a lot of cartoons!

Shocking for a blog called Bourgeois Nerd, I've talked a whole hell of a lot about Star Wars. I'm also prone to going meta about nerds and geeks and what it all means. It's all so self-reinforcing, not to mention cliche.

Glade Lady is my muse. My crazy, commercial character muse.

Pathetically enough, this is the last time I had almost-sex. *sigh* That was when I still had my lost youthful looks (before I got fat and ugly); now, I'm just thoughtful. This is one of the many reasons I'm not a very good Gay, except that I am. Makes me worry about love.

I'm nothing if not a bibliophile (I know, you're shocked), so there are more posts about books and libraries than is even possible to number! A few of the highlights: I like the smell of books; Bourgeois Book Club; I was in a book and then proceeded to shill it endlessly.

I was once briefly famous in the academic blogosphere. Fame, alas, is elusive on the blogosphere. I don't regret the conclusion not to go into academia, though.

Thi post that has perhaps gotten me the most traffic, due to its placement on Google Images. I've since gotten to see her in person, and let me tell you it's even more amazing!

I recently took a walk down Memory Lane to reminisce about Blogs That Aren't There Anymore.

I didn't think the new Star Trek movie would work at first, but then I changed my mind.

I'm obsessed with polar bear hybrids, as well as pugs, pandas, unusual white animals, gay birds, interspecies amity, and just about anything cute.

I can be amazingly thick sometimes.

Christmas is over, but holiday nostalgia and The Spirit of Christmas lasts all year 'round at Bourgeois Nerd!

As hard as it is to believe, I can get even more pensive and existential than usual. Heck, I doubt I'm real sometimes!

I like fall, and like the turning of the leaves each year, I repeat this fact every autumn.

I find that confession is good for the soul, and blogs are the new confession booths, without all that pesky priest and the Hail Marys and such.

Spam is the artform of our age.

I was obsessed by the Beijing Summer Olympics (for the menz, natch)!

For a certain subset of readers, my main claim to fame is the GH TWoP FAQs.

Finally, I know why you all really come here: Skimpy Sundays. Pervs!

Five years and 2,694 posts later, here I am! It's all rather amazing. I've outlasted so many worthier and more popular blogs. It's humbling. And what's next? Well, hopefully at some point this year I'll be able to get the new look going. This place definitely needs a facelift. Otherwise, I just hope I can continue to grow and improve as a blogger, whatever that means.

But regardless of what the future brings, right now I want to thank all the fantastic bloggers who I shamelessly rip off for content draw inspiration from and who have linked to me over the years. Thank you most of all, though, to all my readers. My readership isn't the biggest out there, but it's definitely one of the best! I love you all! Happy New Year!!!

The Autobiography Of Cthulhu X

At last, Cthulhu in his own (eldritch, cyclopean, non-Euclidean) words! Ia! Ia!

Blogs That Aren't There Anymore (Part II)

It's been a bit longer than anticipated since Part I of my roundup of much-missed blogs, but finally Part II of Blogs That Aren't There Anymore is here!

Notthatboy

Porn star/go-go boy extraordinaire/wonderfully-named Hunter James's blog was one of the first I began reading on a regular basis. Chronicling his move to NYC with fellow porn star/go-go boy extraordinaire Damon DeMarco, it was a fascinating look into porn starlet-hood. I think they've since left porn.

Proceed At Your Own Risk

The Pepto pink design was less-than-attractive, but the fantastic writing of blogprietor Richard Rothstein more than made up for it. Scion of Jewish mobsters and bordello madams, Mr. Rothstein repressed his homosexual desires for years, even marrying, out of self-loathing and abusive parenting, until finally blossoming in middle age. Now a happy bon vivant and rentboy connoisseur, he always gave me hope that it's never too late to bloom. He left for a little while to do a paying gig, but then he came back, but then it turned and remains password-protected.

Professorial Confessions

Probably the most thoroughly shuttered blog on the list, and the only one by a woman (I seriously have wondered if my blog roll indicates sexism on my part), Professorial Confessions followed the travails of a female professor as she dealt with living in a small town, a complicated relationship history, the "joys" of professoring, and the gradual transition into academic administration. It is this last part that led to the complete deletion of her blog, which is sad.

Grumpy Old Bookman

Pretty much as the title implies, this was the blog of an old hand at the publishing game from across the Pond. Forthright and cynical, he really broke down the book racket for all to see, in an irrepressibly English way. Family and other matters got in the way, though, and blogging had to go.

The FAGAT Guide

Another one of the frustrating blogs where you just don't know what happened; they just stopped one day. I suspect Real Life intruded and made silly blogs unnecessary. A terrible shame.

Gothamwhore

Must be off whoring somewhere, too busy to talk.

Manhattan Offender

The latest edition to our Gallery of Lost Treasures, the internationally-renowned Gawker commenter and NYC gay STAH! Rod just recently shuttered his online musings. I have an insane crush on Mr. Townsend, and was devastated to see him "leave." But, then, I think he thinks I'm a total weirdo stalker, and I rather narcissistically fear I had something to do with his leaving the blogging world.

If Star Wars Had Facebook

Tip to aspiring henchment: remember to always set your profile to Private when talking shit about your Dark Lord boss.

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Skimpy Santas

Merry Christmas to all!!!

'

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Wicked Gay Blog; Towleroad)

Crazy Christmas Carols

Every holiday season, as soon as we return from Thanksgiving, the Muzak at work turns to the Holiday channel and we're treated to a month of Christmas cheer in song form... as well as a whole lot of shitty versions of treasured classics like "Last Christmas" and "Jingle Bell Rock" by every warbling tween-queen, emo-boy "rock band," and R&B melisma-machine out there. And then there are ones that are just weird. Some are good, some are bad, but they're definitely not Nat King Cole crooning about chestnuts.

They're dead now, so I can safely say that Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby's "We Wish You The Merriest" is awful. It's like they both have a stutter, or a short-term memory problem.

Apparently this has been around for a long time, and has several versions, but "Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus" is a new one to me. I have to say, it's weird, but I like it. The version I heard was by something called Guster, and is very sort of twee in that indie rock way. (It wouldn't be out of place in a Wes Anderson movie, like that fox movie that just came out.) But yet, I still really dig it. Sure beats "Feliz Navidad" in the Hispanic-Christmas-song-in-mostly-English sweepstakes.

I'm a proud Irishman, but "Christmas in Killarney" is absolute shit. Christmas just ain't jiggy.

You've never truly said What. The. Fuck?! until you've listened at least once to Willie motherfuckin' Nelson warble "Deck The Halls." Someone was soooooooooooooooo high when he came up with that one. When he sings "Falalalalalala," it is physically painful.

Geek Fight!

The great debate about the words geek and nerd continues. In keeping with my descriptivist leanings, I think the first suggestion of banning the words "geek" and "nerd" because they hurt people's feelings is both idiotic and quixotic. It just ain't gonna happen. I'm less hostile to the latter suggestion of "reclaiming" the word "geek," but I really don't think there's anything to reclaim. The word has just expanded in meaning; it happens. Plus, I'm always an advocate of keeping the borders of the Kingdom of Nerddom and Grandy Duchy of Geekovia as open as possible, welcoming all who seek shelter and solace within it.

"Luke, I Am Your Stockbroker!"

Darth Vader and a band of clone troopers opened the New York Stock Exchange today. Insert your own Death Star/Empire/Dark Side/Wall Street jokes.

Speaking of Star Wars, if you haven't already watched this, then you must. It is beyond genius. As we all know, I have my own thoughts about the prequels, and I would disagree with some of his critiques for one reason or another, but he's still pretty much spot-on, introducing a systemic argument about style and storytelling I as a non-filmmaker had never quite been able to articulate. Well worth the seventy minute investment.

Familiar Names Now Gone To The Big Shopping Mall In The Sky

Brands that went bye-bye in 2009.

I'm Sure You've All Seen This, But It's Good Enough To See Again

Top 10 Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Vincent Lambert [NSFW]; Male Pouch [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW])

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

After shoveling at least several dozen cubic feet of snow, this is pretty much how I feel about it.

Geekograph

I am part of so many bubbles in this diagram, it ain't even funny (except it is). Shocking!

Is He Saying "Merry Christmas" Or "Kill Me Now"?

Our poor dogs must hate the holidays, because that's when we seem most eager to embarass the hell out of them.

(Via Regretsy)

Albatross!

Lesbian albatrosses in New Zealand get down to nesting and are now brooding an egg. I'll refrain from the U-Haul jokes. What I find most fascinating is that the thing about sharing a nest with a male two years ago. The guy albatross was probably all high-winging all his buddies about getting it on with two females, only to have the arrangement totally "not work out." Heh.

(Via Towleroad)

Last Minute Gifts For Your Special Nerd

The Greatest Nerdy Gift Books in the Galaxy

Carol Of The Meeps

The Muppets "ring in" the Christmas season! Meep!

Another Top Ten List, But With Pretty Pictures!

Top Ten Astronomy Pictures of 2009

Merry Christmas! Pass the Xanax!

I have a thing for Christmas Carols. I actually prefer non-holly-jolly Christmas songs, though I actually love Christmas. For me Christmas is so much about nostalgia and sentimentality, that melancholia seems appropriate. (Plus, there's the SAD factor, what with the darkness and all.)

In my considered opinion, then, the most depressing holiday songs are, bar none, "Christmas Time Is Here" and anything sung by Karen Carpenter, such as "Merry Christmas, Darling."

As Peteykins points out, Peanuts is, really, one big downer, which makes the fact that its contribution to the Christmas songbook is incredibly depressing rather appropriate. And how could anyone NOT know Karen Carpenter was going to die young when she virtually wrote suicide notes while singing Christmas songs! (They are beautiful suicide notes, though.)

The bluer side of Christmas is nothing to shun. It's a part of the season as much as good cheer and happy children. Heck, if you're a weirdo like me, it's part of the "fun"! Just take care of yourselves; don't let your Christmas get so blue it's black. We all need a little gleaming gold and sparkling silver to light our way.

Skimpy Sunday

Everything by this guy.

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

Busting Out Of The Phone Booth

Superman comes out to Lois.

Have Yourself A Nerdy Little Christmas

Top Ten Nerdiest Christmas Decorations.

Plus, in the spirit of ecumenism, and in celebration of last night's lighting of the first Hanukkah candle, the Trekkie Menorah.

A Lion, A Tiger, And A Bear Walk Into A Zoo Enclosure...

Three predators seized as cubs by a law enforcement raid on the drug baron keeping them as pets now live together as a family in a zoo. I'm a sucker for tales of interspecies amity and affection, and this one is one of the best. I particularly love that they're all named after characters in The Jungle Book. And look at the bear putting his arm around the tiger! Squeeeee!!!

(Via Towleroad, which already did the "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" joke, so I don't have to.)

Calendar Benefit

This young, gay North Dakotan totally shames and humbles me.

Jersey Shore Nicknames

I bristle a bit at Jersey Shore, just because it's yet another helping of "Let's shit on NJ!" that TV loves to do and they're NOT EVEN FROM JERSEY, but, you know whatever. It's still fun to laugh at the ridiculous living caricatures, though. I mean, really: "Snooki"? "The Situation"?

Anyway, want to know what your Jersey Shore nickname? Here you go! I'm Frank "The Tight End"! Heh.

(Via Facebook)

And The Color Of The Year Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

...turquoise! Bleh. Real, quality turquoise is usually a touch bluer than that sample is. The highest-quality turquoise, from Sweet Home Mine, for instance, is "robin's egg blue."

Christmas Gifts For The Sci-Fi Geek In Your Life

Christmas gifts for ten different subspecies of Homo geekiens.

Mother Nature Is Just A Big Ol' Queen, Y'All!

"Homosexual Selection: The Power of Same-Sex Liasions" is just about the best headline ever. Summary: animals are just as queer, if not more, than we are.

(Via The Awl)

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW])

Art Strikes Bad

Is the geek on your list a little on the artsy-fartsy side? Have a slightly higher budget? Well, here's something to consider. (And if anyone is interesting "Yo, It's A Trap!," "Totum," "Endor Sneak Attack," and "Chewy" are my personal faves. Ahem!)

(Via io9)

"Hey There, Sailor!"

Female pandas "chirp" to indicate their fertility. They're only "in the mood" for a few days a year, though, so male pandas have to sharp.

Books For Non-Readers

As mind-boggling as it is for me to even contemplate, not everyone loves books and reading the way I do. If some strange creature like that is on your Christmas list, here are some suggestions for books that might pique their interest.

(Via Bookninja)

Christmas Gifts For The Sci-Fi Geek In Your Life

Christmas gifts for ten different subspecies of Homo geekiens.

Hi-YA!

Watch out, sharks: ninja-Orcas are gonna get you!

(Via Towleroad)

Christmas Gifts For The Science Geek In Your Life

Here's a list of some of the year's best science books for your Christmas shopping reference.

(Via Bookslut)

I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me...

...but I'm actually going to link to talk about Tiger Woods, but only for about two seconds and not really. I just couldn't let the second picture in this post go without note. I have that book! And a sports blog is just about the last place I'd ever expected to see John Gribbin's name pop up. The Awl just reviewed his new book last week, too! Weird.

Bat-Bear!

Superheros with Beards

Decorate For The Holidays

Bored with your screen? Spruce up your desktop with some pretty winter wallpaper!

They Can Bold Italic Me Any Time!

Hot, beary typeface nerds man singing about fonts to the tune of Lady Gaga's "Pokerface"? Has someone been recording my dreams again?

This Water Is Juuuuuuuuuuust Right!

Some amazing pictures of a polar bear named Coldilocks. First, "Coldilocks" is just about the best name ever. Second, she's a resident of the Philadelphia Zoo, just across the Delaware from me! Philly girls represent!

(Via Towleroad)

From The Archives

Believe it or not, but Bourgeois Nerd turns five at the end of December. In preparation for this momentous occasion, I've been combing through the archives for a Best Of compilation. Anyway, I found this and thought it appropriate for the season.

Have Yourself A Very Klingon Christmas

My inner Trekker nerd and Christmas sentimentalist are in accord in liking this Star Trek Christmas stuff.