Skimpy Sundays

(Via Gay Fleshbot [NSFW]; The Pretty Boys Club; 2008 Mr. Brazil, via Gay Fleshbot [NSFW])

They're TOTALLY Talking About Us Behind Our Banks

The animals can talk to one another. I think they're plotting our overthrow. Or, even more likely, it's all about the interspecies lovin'. You know what they say: once you go gecko...

So Where's The Dancing One?

Penguins! Penguins everywhere! They've gathered an army! I'm scared...

(Via Towleroad)

Thar She Blows!

A rare white killer whale has been spotted off the Aleutian Islands. Captain Ahab is on his way to Alaska as we speak.

More pictures of white animals here. That white moose is so cute, all fuzzy with his winter coat and blending in and stuff.

(Via Towleroad)

One Wedding I Would Have Actually Liked To Attend!

Comedienne Kathy Griffin, whom I absolutely j'adore as is Constitutionally mandated for all gay men, got herself ordained over the Internet (well, her assistant did it for her) to marry a couple. A straight couple, at that! They'll be on the new season of her reality show over the summer and everything. How cool is that? They totally saved on the videographer.

(Via Towleroad)

The People Have Spoken

Hillary Pugham Clinton is the winner of the all-important Florida Pug Primary! Barack Pugbama would have done much better in a caucus situation.

(Via Wonkette)

One Of The Great Mysteries Of Our Times

What is Ludacris doing with hos in Nebraska?!?!? Does he have a Lutheran farm girl fetish we don't know about?

Start The Week With A Laugh

Babe-raham Lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Irish Pub Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.'

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Bourgeois PR

As we've seen before, I occasionally ping on the radar of random people and companies who think this blog is a good forum to advertise in. We've also seen that I'm a total soft touch who'll give a plug for no renumeration as long as someone asks nicely. Thus, it comes as no surprise that the following two ladies are about to get a hearty Bourgeois Nerd shout-out.

Babeland Blog is written by the lovely Dallas for Babeland toys [NSFW]. The site is mostly geared towards women, but there is a men's toys section, and the blog is still interesting. Dallas is a great writer with a strong voice.

Jeri Westerson, meanwhile, is Getting Medieval on all our asses. She's also a writer of medieval mysteries, specifically what she likes to call "Medieval Noir." Intriguing, non? I, for one, want to see what that's all about when her first book, Veil of Lies, comes out this fall.

Skimpy Sundays

'

(Via Connex24.7, via Gay Fleshbot [NSFW])

Plants Fight Back

They're adapting! Soon it will be an all-out war between humanity and the ruthless, inexorable legions of the Plant Kingdoms! Stock up on your weed-killer; it may be your only hope of surviving the upcoming Plantcalypse!

Reason #139831-B Why I Am A Bad Gay

My skin is just a mess right now. My face is all flaky, yet oily, bumpy, and just not the best it's ever been. I know the steps to good facial skin -- cleanse, tone, and moisturize -- but I don't do them because I'd rather sleep an extra three minutes in the morning rather than do a regimen, and even more importantly, I HATE putting anything on my skin. Even if it's good for it, I just feel greasy and yucky. And I just realized there's absolutely no point to this post, but, hey, since when does any post on any blog have a point?

Cover Letters

Wow, who knew just attaching that bullshit boilerplate cover letter that except for company names and job titles is exactly the same as every other cover letter you or anyone else has ever written, and that you didn't think anyone ever bothered to read before tossing your resume in the trash, could actually get you in the door at a major advertising firm!

Bookseat

A chair/bookshelf? You'd think I'd sign right up! Frankly, though? It leaves me with a big feeling of "Meh." It's a little too design school project for my taste. Plus, I'm a sucker for comfort, and it just really doesn't look that comfortable. Slap some cushions up on that bitch, I say, and get back to me!

Animal News Update

Knut, the World's Most Famous Polar Bear, is over a year old now and, like most teenagers, just a little grumpy. Those hormones are such a bitch!

What was thought to be an all-female bat colony is either the site of the birth of eight Chiropteran Messiahs, or at least one bat dude look like a lady.

A mutation makes one octopus more like a "hexapus." If I were that aquarium, I'd be wary; no telling what kind of superpowers that mutation might have given it! Let's just hope he uses them for good and not evil.

(Via towleroad; via Pharyngula)

Someone Hit "Play Random" In My Head

1) As someone prone to allergies and bouts of sinusitis, including over the past few days, I've begun to wonder if, as unpleasant as they are, they're actually a good way for our bodies to slough off our old nasal and sinus linings for newer, less contaminated ones.

2) I really like the word "slough" for some reason.

3) With the terrible depletion of the world's tuna population, and the adverse effects this has on marine ecosystems, I'm feeling more and more guilty every time I eat a tuna fish sandwich.

4) A sign that I will soon be an old man: I'm getting to close to having to trim my nosehairs.

5) It'd be nice to have a straight boy for a friend. That reminds me, I want everyone to know that I love having readers of all kinds, gay, straight, male, female, transgendered, whatever. I really do love and cherish everyone (as long as they're giving me empty, meaningless validation by reading my blog), and don't want anyone to feel unwelcome here at Bourgeois Nerd. I'm not going to change my posting philosophy, as vague and ill-defined as it is, or censor myself, of course, however.

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Jason Curious [NSFW]; Dudetube [NSFW]; Francois Sagat [NSFW])

Indubitably!

I am quite verbificent, if I do say so myself. It's one of my many charms.

(Via rogueclassicism)

I Will Be Avenged!

Ah, for the simpler days of yore, when gas was a dime, it was socially acceptable to be casually racist and sexist, and the smut was so much more intellectual. It's all grainy Internet clips of all-anal gangbangs with these kids today, not good old-fashioned literature. Hell in a handbasket, we're going to! Hell in a handbasket!

Ah, Memories!

It's been going on three years since I graduated from college, but I still remember well and fondly the "art" of writing papers.

Actually, I was a good boy and just did some old-fashioned bullshitting and minor font-fiddling to pad my papers, though most of the time I didn't need to. There were even a few times where I had to take stuff OUT because the paper was getting too long. (Yeah, I was one of them. Are you really surprised?) But I certainly saw some really... creative ways of padding papers in my college tenure. Not quite montages of Paddington Bear, but close.

Yep, Another Whine About How Chicken I Am

All the self-awareness in the world doesn't mean a damn thing if you let fear paralyze you and prevent you from getting off your ass and doing what you know needs to be done to improve yourself. In fact, self-awareness combined with paralysis is the worst of both worlds, since you know just how bad you feel, know how to change it, but can't, which makes you feel like a big, fat coward and failure, which makes you feel still more awful. It's a vicious cycle of over-intellectualized angst.

Skimpy Sundays

(Via The Pretty Boys Club)

This Blog Is An Important Archaeological Artifact!

To any future archaeologist excavating the digital tumulus of the early '00s Internet: Greetings! Mind the mummies! Oh, and those aren't images of fertility gods, that's just porn.

(Via Aardvarchaeology)

Health Update

Still sick. Not throwing up anymore. Now shitting out everything. Have headache. Ate a little more today. Ready to not be sick anymore.

I Wouldn't Give You The Time Of Day!

(Via kinesthesis breakthrough)

!:?...;

The History of Punctuation

I Just Threw Up In A Bucket A Lot

Here's how my day went: six hours of intermittent vomiting, a full day of by turns feverish freezing and boiling to death, little to no sleep, two cups of Jell-o, three crackers, one can of Coke, one can of ginger ale, a few bottles of water, a piece of toast, three teaspoons of an anti-nausea syrup, and now several hours of shitting out everything that I didn't hurl earlier. Good news: I ended up having Presidents' Day off; bad news: I would have rather have gone to work.

People really find it fun to induce this crap via booze? Bulimics have such body image issues they do this on purpose? Pregnant woman somehow resist the urge to kick the nuts of their baby daddy for granting them weeks or months of daily vomiting? The mind boggles.

Big Badger

A little peek into the secret life of badgers show that they're neat, tidy, and adorable.

The Truth Will Set You Free

Finally, some truthful banner ads.

(Via copyranter)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via The Pretty Boys Club; Jason Curious [NSFW])

That Portrait Sitting Must Have Involved A LOT Of Treats

Pre-Internet Cute Overload! picture sells for $66,000. I love the little terrier. He totally bossed those big dogs around.

These Are [Two] Of My Favorite Things!

Hot man + adorable puppy dog = *swoon*.

(Via Roids and Rants [NSFW])

Is That A Diving Board In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

I still prefer my swimmers shaved and in traditional skimpy Speedo bikinis, but these new, high-tech swimsuits are hot in a fetishy way.

Astrophysics Is Fun!

Black holes are really cosmic spirographs! Who knew?

Geek Hot

I've often talked about guys being "geek hot" or "geeky-hot" or "nerd hot" or the like, but it occurs to me that perhaps not everyone knows what I'm talking about. Well, behold this video of the new dancing Elmo, and get a load of the guys in the lab coats, especially the one singing and dancing along with Elmo. That is geek hot!

Still don't quite get it, though? Wondering how this "geek hot" stuff applies to women? Here you go.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Be my Valentine?

BBC Animal Report

Rare white stag found in Scottish Highlands.

Gold eagle gets sight partially restored by groundbeaking surgery. What I love most about the story is that she's now in with a male golden eagle with a broken wing, and "Staff at the sanctuary hope the pair will eventually breed." I can picture the male now: "Hey, baby, you're half-blind, I'm lame; LET'S GET IT ON!" *LOL*

Hamsters the "it" pet in China for the Year of the Rat. This guy totally agrees.

New carnivorous dinosaurs found in Sahara.

He's # 1!

Congratulations to Uno, the new Westminster Dog Show Best in Show, and the first beagle to ever win! Isn't he beautiful? (We're keeping my father away from the TV, lest he run out and get a beagle instantly. He loves his beagles.)

"That's right, bow down to me, bitches!"

Puppy-dog eyes.



Gotta keep in shape!

A couple of other pics from Westminster:

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?"

Why so sad, Scoob?

(Pics via Joe.My.God.; New York Times; Towleroad)

Yep, That's Pretty Much How Books Make Me Feel

Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity… we cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access, reassurance.

Books, even ones I never read, really do make me feel good. Totally sick, huh?

(Via Languagehat)

Down With Gingerism!

I'm an Britophilia of the highest order, but one of the things about the Brits I've never gotten is their anti-redhead (or "gingers" as they call them) bias. I admit, I have a bit of a thing for redheads, so I just don't get the hatin'. Like my penchant for men in kilts, I think it's my Celtic blood singing in my veins, calling for a kilted, redheaded warrior-poet to come break down my door and ravish me. Heck, I'd settle for a damned barbarian Viking! (Yes, they're the enemy of my Gaelic ancestors, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for a horny helmet. *LOL*)

(Via Bookninja)

Duck Joke

The Duck and the Condom

Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.

The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''

''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

...And The Horse You Rode In On!

Lion: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! Get me doooooooooooooooooooooooooooown!

Horse: OMG! Nobody say anything, but there's something on my back, and it's not a jockey!

(Via Deadspin)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Roids and Rants [NSFW]; Jason Curious [NSFW]; Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Get Some Ambien To The Hedgehogs, STAT!

Global warming is playing havoc with hedgehogs' hibernation patterns. I say, let's give them all a little sleep mask, a nice hot toddy, and a Presidential debate feed. They'll be dozing in no time!

Shark!

Six-Gilled Shark captured on video by deep-sea explorers. Doesn't it look like it's grinning? Probably thinking, "Heh! Let me freak out the tourists!"

(Via Towleroad)

Kung Hei Fat Choi

Yeah, there's only twenty minutes left of it, but I couldn't let the day pass without wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year and welcome the Year of the Rat.

BTW, isn't the Google Doodle for this year just precious?

The Kitteh Has Landed

Come fly the feline skies with Iris!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Cutest Of Them All?

Flocke, the polar bear cub, is so cute even she is entranced by her!

Gridiron Dogs

Puppy Bowl IV last Sunday drew a record eight million viewers. But who won the coveted MVP (Most Valuable Puppy) award? One Abigail, the Jack Russell terrier.

Secrets

Fascinating photographs of America's best-kept secrets. The picture of the nuclear waste storage, with its eerily beautiful blue glow, is my favorite.

(Via Gizmodo)

*Sniffle*

This story is the most curious mixture of gross, sad, and sweet I've ever seen. Grab your hankies before reading it and the comments to it. You're gonna need it.

Primary Voting

I'm a Democrat, and I honestly like both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I think they're both strong candidates, if in different ways. So when I went into the booth to vote today, I really didn't know who to vote for. On the one hand, Hillary was going to win New Jersey anyway (and she has), so I could vote for Obama just to be different and be in on this "Hope" thing. I like Obama's message, the way he's energized so many people. On the other hand, Clinton is obviously more qualified, a savvier politician, and the irrational hatred she inspires in people both astounds me and makes me sympathize with her. There was also my family to consider, though. My family are HUGE Clinton supporters and just as hugely anti-Obama (sadly, it's mostly a racial thing). If I voted for him, I'd probably be disowned.

In the end, I went with Obama, just to be different. I told my mother and she was not pleased, but since Hillary won anyway, I'm still in the will. I can never tell my sister, though; she'd perform an honor-killing on me.

Writing Wrongs

Everyone has a "writing style": turns of phrase, idiosyncratic grammatical constructione, particular words always misused or misspelled, particular grammar errors, not to mention the culture-wide abuse of things like "there, their, they're" and the apostrophe. The Internet, with its acronyms and peculiar dialects, is a gallery of idiosyncratic linguistic quirks, and even encourages the creation of new ones. So I got to thinking about my own way of writing here and elsewhere on the Internet, and recognized four writing habits, mostly stuff I use too much, I have that are really annoying.

1) Overuse of *LOL* and *hehehe*. One of the handicaps of the Internet is that encourages the type of informal conversation -- via chat, blogging, IMing, etc. -- that in a pre-digital age would be strictly verbal, and verbal communication is full of intonation and body language cues to indicate things like sarcasm that are totally lacking, or at least incredibly difficult to convey, in written form. So we use smilies and *LOL*s. But over time these things lose their meaning. When I *LOL*, I very rarely am actually "laughing out loud." It's just a way of saying, "that's funny!" And sure, you can just write "that's funny" or "I'm being sarcastic," but it reads so stilted and didactic. But *LOL*s just get annoying, and, in many people's opinion, immature. I cannot figure out a better way to convey that kind of information, though, so I keep using them.

2) Overuse of "and" and "but" at the beginning of a sentence. You may have actually been taught that one cannot use "and or "but" at the beginning of a sentence. This is a prescriptivist, pedantic lie; one can and naturally do use them. But I use them this way too much, I think, particularly "and." It's a function of my propensity to want to get all my thoughts out there, and, since I'm an overthinker, so it comes out as a string of "and another thing!" I could use "Also" more, but there's something a bit antiseptic about that as a transition. So, it's annoying, but I have nothing better.

3) Overuse of parentheses. Another function of my overactive mind, my endless obsession with and need for clarification and qualification and contextualization drives me to put twice as much information in an already probably long sentence by shoving some parentheses in there. I'm just not a concise, Hemingway-esque writer; I'm into thoroughness and exhaustiveness and inclusiveness rather than concision. I'm wordy rather than terse; I revel in verbosity rather than brevity. I could just force myself to leave stuff out and focus, or at least mix it up using dashes, but meh....

4) The semi-colon is supposedly an "endangered" punctuation mark, according to experts, but not on my watch! I'm an unapologetic semi-colon booster. It's only recently that my somewhat inexplicable block with regards to comfort using commas and coordinating conjunctions other than "but" has eased, so the semi-colon was always a good way to connect two sentences together correctly. Some sentences belong together, and the semi-colon is their Justice of the Peace. Plus, I like the hybridity of the semi-colon, and it's overlooked underdog status.

So there are my bad writing habits. What about yours, dear readers?

Nothing "Lesser" About This Panda!

Red Panda Chang Tan is ready for his close-up! BTW, did you know that the "firefox," as in the browser, is actually the English translation for the Chinese name for the red panda? They used a fox in the logo because the red panda isn't as instantly recognizable as the red fox.

(Via Cute Overload!)

Don't Worry, It's Definitely Safe For Work

Bookstore Porn

(Via Languagehat)

Sneaky Searching

Ten Obscure Google Search Tricks

Skimpy Sundays

(Via The Pretty Boys Club)

Geek Love

The perfect Valentine's gift for your geeky sweetie.

An Intersection Of Art And Science

Periodic Print Table

(Via Books, Inq.)

Woah!

"Bizarre" is definitely a good descriptor of this new mammal, from is weird nose to it's alphabet soup Linnean classification (Rhynochocyon udzungwensis) to its list of relatives (elephants, manatees, aardvarks). And yet, somehow, it's really rather cute.

Beouf-cake

Where's the beef? Right here! *LOL* I'm sorry, but I find Shia La Beouf insanely attractive, in an adorkable sort of way. Funnily enough, though, I don't think I've ever seen any of his movies.

Don't Tase Me, Dad!

There are crazy Little League parents, and then there is this guy. Training your 18-month-old to be a cage fighter by taseing him? What a great idea! That'd really toughen him up for all those underground toddler Fight Clubs! *head, desk* Great Buddha's Butt, this world is fucked up!

Junk Email Subject Line of the Week

"Make your pants a pyramid!" Sorry, junk emailers, but I think I'll pass. Several tons of granite would make my ass look simply huge!

Dogs Of War

Meet First Sergeant Boe, a black Lab currently serving her country as a morale-dog in Iraq. I say we start bringing troops home and send dogs in their place. Operation Cute Overload would have Iraq secure in no time. Really, what insurgency could resist the power of thousands of wagging tails and teh puppeh breath? (The cats, meanwhile, would act as black ops assassins and infiltrators charged with locating and eliminating insurgent leaders.)

Sir Edmund PolarBearillary

How intrepid: climbing the snowy peaks of the arctic!

Subprime Crisis Explained

You may be losing your house and your 401K is now worthless due to the market downturn, but you can still have a chuckle as you lose everything!

The Ice Ain't The Only Thing Chilly In Here!

Mix two skating rivals with a reporter just DYING to stir shit up, and you get this totally awkward double interview.

Thin Enough For You?

Don't want to spend $1700 to $3000 on a MacBook Air. Here ya go!

Party At Google's House!

Internet Party

(Via Valleywag)

Tony, Tony, Tony!

I've been a fan and avid viewer of TonyHayden.com for about two-and-a-half years now. Tony is a happily-partnered Orlando resident just trying to raise his (adorable) Dachshund Ruko right and have a little fun dancing the night away at an occasional circuit party or two, all while indulging in a little PG-video exhibitionism. Since January 2005, he's shared his life with the world via his vlog, producing what he likes to call an Internet "ME-ality" show.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "The video diary of some queen in Florida chronicling such scintillatingly exciting events such as a trip to Ikea and the quest for the perfect temporary tattoo? Yeah, Bourgeois Nerd, that's something I really want to see! *snort*"

Can the sarcasm for a second, dear Bitchy Reader! Yes, his project is basically the recording of the trials and travails of ordinary life, the kind of stuff we all go through every day. But what makes the videos so fascinating and compelling is that he's both Everyman-leading-Everylife and Oneman-leading-Onelife. He takes the hum-drum and the quotidian, weaves it with the particular and the out-of-the-ordinary, and makes something fascinating and intimate out of it. Tony showcases his insecurities (he's got gay body dysmorphic issues), his vanities (hair is very important to him), his heartaches (the chapters about his mother are heartbreaking in their rawness), as well as his positives (he's a true Southern gentleman), his talents (he's both a fantastic baker and a wizard at video editing), and his triumphs (no matter what he thinks, he's smoking hot). In a word, the man is relatable, and that makes the videos totally engrossing. You really get to know him, and you want to know what happens to him next. It's like visiting with a friend to catch up every week.

"Oh, just another Internet famewhore!" I hear you, Bitchy Reader, cry. "And he doesn't even give us any cock-shots!" Oh, Bitchy Reader, how cynical you are. In point of fact, Tony has been filming his life for decades, long before the Internet as such even existed, lugging about video equipment for the enjoyment and edification of no one except himself and maybe some of his friends. He's not trying to get rich or famous; he's human, of course, an thus not above hankering for a little ego-stroking, of course, I don't think, but that's not what this is about. He's more a performance artist than anything, I think. This is not vulgar ego-fellatio or the pornography of the prosaic, this is documentary Art. (I'm with you about the lack of cock-shots, however. Their absence makes me a sad panda.)

"Okay, okay, Bourgeois Nerd," you say, Bitchy Reader. "I believe you. What's with the knob-polishing from you all of a sudden, though?" Well, you see, Tony's sunk time, money, and soul into his website, but he's feeling a little underappreciated lately. Not that I'm a page view powerhouse or anything, but I thought if I could get some of you to go visit and watch some of his videos, it might just cheer him up. As you can probably tell, I'm a total fanboy, and have a raging crush on him, so I don't like to see him so down. Also, we've exchanged emails several times over the years, and he's really just as sweet, funny, and self-deprecating as he is in the videos, so he's not just editing to make himself look like a good guy, he is a good guy, and good guys should be rewarded.

So, please, go visit (maybe even throw some change in the tip jar, or just send him a nice email) and turn his frown upside down. You won't regret it, I promise!

Raiders Of The Lost Tot

Idaho Jones

Art 1.0.1

Art appreciation for geeks.

(Via Valleywag)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Roids and Rants [NSFW]; Bill in Exile [NSFW])

2008

Because I'm an idiot, I didn't keep track of the number of posts for a few days, so my 2,000th post came and went without the proper fanfare. So, in honor of the still-new year, I'll instead celebrate this, my 2008th post. Woooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Three years and two thousand (and eight) posts of stuff and nonsense have come and gone, and I want to thank you, dear readers, for making Bourgeois Nerd the rousing mediocrity it is today! Here's to two thousand (and eight) more whines about how I have no life, tedious explorations of my boring-ass neuroses, and link-leechings of the hard work of much more interesting and creative people!

Schroedinger's Bond

The next James Bond movie is entitled James Bond: Quantum of Solace. What an... odd title! But apparently it's the title of one of Ian Fleming's short stories, and Mr. Fleming knew what he was doing, so whatever. I don't particularly care, anyway, as long as we get naked or near-naked Daniel Craig again! One does wonder, though, if the movie really exists until you see it. (Some quantum mechanics humor there. Haha!)

(Via Towleroad)

Ring, Ring, Ring

Does anybody wear their high school or college rings? If so, why? For those that don't, am I alone in thinking anyone who does is kind of an asshole, all "Look at me, I went to XYZ State, I'm awesome!" or "Look at me, I loved high school and want to be reminded of it all the time!" (No offense to readers that do; I'm not talking about you, of course!)

Writing Utensils

Stop chewing on your pencaps, when you can use your pencaps to chew your food, instead!

We Are Not Amused

I am Grouchy Kitteh and I do not approve this message.

And You Thought Your Old School Pictures Were Bad

The pinnacle of the portrait studio photographers' art is right here. How stunning! Like all good art, it makes you almost weep! From laughter and awe at the bad taste, yes, but weep nonetheless.

(Via email forward from Scott [NSFW])

Welcome To My Blog

Okay, these videos damn near literally killed me (I was laughing and drinking water at the same time -- never a good idea -- and water went down the wrong pipe and I couldn't breathe and I ended up vomiting all of my powder room to restore respiratory function), so you know it's funny. It has my "So Funny I Vomited!" seal of approval.

A Visual Dictionary

Pretty, pretty visual dictionary created using 53,463 nouns and search engine image searches.

(Via Gawker)

Once More Into The Navel

I think neuroses, at least from my perspective, break down into three categories: social, existential, and personal/OCD. Social neuroses manifest themselves in constant worry about what others think of you, with the presumption that the judgment will be negatively critical, and a concomitant avoidance of and unease with much interpersonal interaction. Existential neuroses involve an unhealthy occupation with the "big questions," such as the meaning of life, the problem of evil, the mystery of existence vs. non-existence, etc. that, instead of being interesting amusements or rewarding studies, become sources of angst and unhappiness due to the lack of concrete answers to them, the possibility that there are not answers to them, and/or the possibility that the answers are unpleasant. Personal/OCD neuroses are patterns of behavior (such as using a worry stone, or endlessly revising or redoing work to get it to make it "perfect"), thought (such as a constant vigilance for numerical patterns in anything and everything), or environmental control (such as having your books arranged in just a particular way), that attempt to relieve or ameliorate general anxieties. An uneasiness with and dislike of the unknown or the new goes along with this. In my case, for example, I don't like to drive places I've never been, particularly because I worry about not being able to find parking.

But are these neuroses, particularly those of a social kind, just a sort of negative self-obsession and narcissism? I mean, what else would you call the belief that you're important enough that anyone would pay attention to you at all, let alone expend the energy to judge you? I must admit, there are times when I'm being self-deprecating or openly insecure that I'm passive-aggressively fishing for ego-stroking compliments about how fabulous I am. That strikes me as rather egotistical.

Yet is worrying about if your neuroses are just a self-hating species of narcissism just another neurosis? Or is worrying about worrying about if your neuroses are just a self-hating species of narcissism just the ultimate expression of narcissism? Does any of that even make sense?!? My brain hurts now.

Well, At Least I'm SUBTLE About It!

Your Score:
The Subtle Neurotic

You scored 60 anxiety, 90 awkwardness, and 43 neuroticism!

You have all the makings of neuroticism without any of the amusing trappings--you are The Subtle Neurotic! Plagued by doubt, fears, and worries, you are much more likely to have a quiet existential crisis off on your own than to bite your fingernails. You worry a lot over social situations, but take heart--chances are, you're not nearly as awkward as you feel you are. The best advice I can give you? Confide your worries in someone--no matter how irrational they seem. You're far too likely to keep everything bottled up.

Your high anxiety score implies that you are unable to relax, worry about the future often, and probably are plagued by irrational fears and self-doubt.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially nervous, probably have difficulty with conversation, and perhaps feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties.

Your low neuroticism score implies that you don't exhibit subtle neurotic behaviors--your nails are probably an acceptable length, your pencils aren't covered with bite marks, and your bookcase isn't arranged alphabetically by genre. Congrats!

See the other results!

Well-Adjusted

The Neat Freak

The Dork

The Geek

Phobic

Obsessive-Compulsive

The Subtle Neurotic

The True Neurotic

The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Fish Master Wormhole Technology!

A bridge between two tanks allows fish to swim between two "islands" in a coffee shop. Awesome!

Duuuuuuuuuude!

A man creates a model of General Grievous' ship from Revenge of the Sith using thirty pounds of Legos and nine months of painstaking work. I know I should be aghast at all that time and effort put into such a totally geeky thing, but A) it's his time to do whatever he wants with, and B) it's FRICKIN' AWESOME AND I WANT ONE! I bow before this Grand Master of Geekery.

Semper Sci-Fi

I've been on a bit of a military sci-fi kick of late, and, though of course I'm no expert and can't claim to have read even a goodly portion of what's out there, I have noticed a trend in what I have read: military sci-fi seems to have a very large body of work by and/or about Marines. Have I just read a skewed sample, or am I on to something? Any more dedicated sci-fi fans care to confirm or refute my impression? And if it is a correct impression, what is it about Marines that attracts them to writing sci-fi, or attracts others to write sci-fi about them? Any insights from current and/or former Marines (if there are any in the audience)? Scott?

Speaking of Marine-centered military science fiction, the best of the bunch I've read lately are this series of books by Steven L. Kent about a future where Marines are clones. Told in the form of a memoir or autobiography, it's clear, crisp prose, solid world-building, and well-paced plotlines make it a thoroughly entertaining, and occasionally thought-provoking, read. The gender politics are little less progressive than one would want (basically, there are no women in the books, and what ones there are aren't exactly empowered or anything other than cardboard cut-outs with boobs), but overall highly recommended.

Porn Star Names

People can't help what their parents name them. They can, however, control their nicknames. Why, therefore, would a VP of a major online retailer call herself "Stormy Simon"?!? Maybe "customer relations" has a different meaning at Overstock.com. Hey, it IS all about the O!

Steve Jobs: Bulimia-Causer

The new ultra-thin Mac unveiled on Tuesday is giving PCs eating disorders.

Fuck The English!

Down with the Sassenach oppressors and their tyrannical library classifications! 'Tis the greatest victory of the Scot since Bannockburn, I tell you!

Beauteous Bookstores

The 10 Most Beautiful Bookstores in the World. Ah, but is aesthetic architecture and design truly a beautiful bookstore make? Well, yes, on one level. But a bookworm's vision of a beautiful bookstore involves much more idiosyncratic and intangible criteria involving memory, emotion, the stock, etc. Many a store that would be considered ugly in a purely aesthetic sense, but be beautiful in the eyes of its loyal customers. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

(Via Bookninja)

New Site

io9 is the new jewel in the crown of the Gawker blog empire, billed as a blog "strung out on science fiction." Daily spoiler reports, movie, TV, and book reviews, science news, futuristic speculation and art criticism make it the perfect read for any nerd. In sum, it RAWKS, and you need to check it out!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW])

Best. Spam. Title. EVER.

"Nubian naughtiness is the BEST!" Yes, spammer; yes it is.

Sooooo...

...yeah, haven't been much with the blogging this week. Why? Well, maybe because the most exciting thing happening to me at the moment is that my face has decided to peel like wallpaper in a steam room, while simultaneously gushing enough oil to make me eligible for OPEC membership.

Oh, and my Prada glasses? The pads on the nose are for shit. Seriously, one already broke off and had to be replaced. Meanwhile, I had just had to adjust them so the frame wasn't digging into my nose, but it's all wobbly and will probably break off any day now. After all the money I spent on them, I'm a bit pissed.

Fascinating, huh? That's been my week.

Idle Thought

Do you think someday someone will study our junk mail as a method of gaining insight into modern culture? How about these for some conclusions (in bare-bones sketch form) one could draw: The preoccupation with Viagra and penis enhancement indicate an anxiety about masculinity. All the mortgage offers track with the housing bubble and its "debt is no big deal; you can have anything you want!" ethos, the American dream with a variable rate loan. The porn links disguised as personals reflect the atomism of the Internet Age, with its concomitant desire for true connection. And so on, and so on, overthinking egghead babble.

(Dissertators of the future: when you read this post, and I know you will, make sure to put me first in the acknowledgments!)

Boo!

Damn refs, always getting in the way of a good game! (BTW, who knew rugby players wore bikinis?!?)

(Via Joe. My. God.)