Skimpy Santas

Merry Christmas to all!!!

'

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Wicked Gay Blog; Towleroad)

Crazy Christmas Carols

Every holiday season, as soon as we return from Thanksgiving, the Muzak at work turns to the Holiday channel and we're treated to a month of Christmas cheer in song form... as well as a whole lot of shitty versions of treasured classics like "Last Christmas" and "Jingle Bell Rock" by every warbling tween-queen, emo-boy "rock band," and R&B melisma-machine out there. And then there are ones that are just weird. Some are good, some are bad, but they're definitely not Nat King Cole crooning about chestnuts.

They're dead now, so I can safely say that Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby's "We Wish You The Merriest" is awful. It's like they both have a stutter, or a short-term memory problem.

Apparently this has been around for a long time, and has several versions, but "Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus" is a new one to me. I have to say, it's weird, but I like it. The version I heard was by something called Guster, and is very sort of twee in that indie rock way. (It wouldn't be out of place in a Wes Anderson movie, like that fox movie that just came out.) But yet, I still really dig it. Sure beats "Feliz Navidad" in the Hispanic-Christmas-song-in-mostly-English sweepstakes.

I'm a proud Irishman, but "Christmas in Killarney" is absolute shit. Christmas just ain't jiggy.

You've never truly said What. The. Fuck?! until you've listened at least once to Willie motherfuckin' Nelson warble "Deck The Halls." Someone was soooooooooooooooo high when he came up with that one. When he sings "Falalalalalala," it is physically painful.

Geek Fight!

The great debate about the words geek and nerd continues. In keeping with my descriptivist leanings, I think the first suggestion of banning the words "geek" and "nerd" because they hurt people's feelings is both idiotic and quixotic. It just ain't gonna happen. I'm less hostile to the latter suggestion of "reclaiming" the word "geek," but I really don't think there's anything to reclaim. The word has just expanded in meaning; it happens. Plus, I'm always an advocate of keeping the borders of the Kingdom of Nerddom and Grandy Duchy of Geekovia as open as possible, welcoming all who seek shelter and solace within it.

"Luke, I Am Your Stockbroker!"

Darth Vader and a band of clone troopers opened the New York Stock Exchange today. Insert your own Death Star/Empire/Dark Side/Wall Street jokes.

Speaking of Star Wars, if you haven't already watched this, then you must. It is beyond genius. As we all know, I have my own thoughts about the prequels, and I would disagree with some of his critiques for one reason or another, but he's still pretty much spot-on, introducing a systemic argument about style and storytelling I as a non-filmmaker had never quite been able to articulate. Well worth the seventy minute investment.

Familiar Names Now Gone To The Big Shopping Mall In The Sky

Brands that went bye-bye in 2009.

I'm Sure You've All Seen This, But It's Good Enough To See Again

Top 10 Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Vincent Lambert [NSFW]; Male Pouch [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW])

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

After shoveling at least several dozen cubic feet of snow, this is pretty much how I feel about it.

Geekograph

I am part of so many bubbles in this diagram, it ain't even funny (except it is). Shocking!

Is He Saying "Merry Christmas" Or "Kill Me Now"?

Our poor dogs must hate the holidays, because that's when we seem most eager to embarass the hell out of them.

(Via Regretsy)

Albatross!

Lesbian albatrosses in New Zealand get down to nesting and are now brooding an egg. I'll refrain from the U-Haul jokes. What I find most fascinating is that the thing about sharing a nest with a male two years ago. The guy albatross was probably all high-winging all his buddies about getting it on with two females, only to have the arrangement totally "not work out." Heh.

(Via Towleroad)

Last Minute Gifts For Your Special Nerd

The Greatest Nerdy Gift Books in the Galaxy

Carol Of The Meeps

The Muppets "ring in" the Christmas season! Meep!

Another Top Ten List, But With Pretty Pictures!

Top Ten Astronomy Pictures of 2009

Merry Christmas! Pass the Xanax!

I have a thing for Christmas Carols. I actually prefer non-holly-jolly Christmas songs, though I actually love Christmas. For me Christmas is so much about nostalgia and sentimentality, that melancholia seems appropriate. (Plus, there's the SAD factor, what with the darkness and all.)

In my considered opinion, then, the most depressing holiday songs are, bar none, "Christmas Time Is Here" and anything sung by Karen Carpenter, such as "Merry Christmas, Darling."

As Peteykins points out, Peanuts is, really, one big downer, which makes the fact that its contribution to the Christmas songbook is incredibly depressing rather appropriate. And how could anyone NOT know Karen Carpenter was going to die young when she virtually wrote suicide notes while singing Christmas songs! (They are beautiful suicide notes, though.)

The bluer side of Christmas is nothing to shun. It's a part of the season as much as good cheer and happy children. Heck, if you're a weirdo like me, it's part of the "fun"! Just take care of yourselves; don't let your Christmas get so blue it's black. We all need a little gleaming gold and sparkling silver to light our way.

Skimpy Sunday

Everything by this guy.

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

Busting Out Of The Phone Booth

Superman comes out to Lois.

Have Yourself A Nerdy Little Christmas

Top Ten Nerdiest Christmas Decorations.

Plus, in the spirit of ecumenism, and in celebration of last night's lighting of the first Hanukkah candle, the Trekkie Menorah.

A Lion, A Tiger, And A Bear Walk Into A Zoo Enclosure...

Three predators seized as cubs by a law enforcement raid on the drug baron keeping them as pets now live together as a family in a zoo. I'm a sucker for tales of interspecies amity and affection, and this one is one of the best. I particularly love that they're all named after characters in The Jungle Book. And look at the bear putting his arm around the tiger! Squeeeee!!!

(Via Towleroad, which already did the "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" joke, so I don't have to.)

Calendar Benefit

This young, gay North Dakotan totally shames and humbles me.

Jersey Shore Nicknames

I bristle a bit at Jersey Shore, just because it's yet another helping of "Let's shit on NJ!" that TV loves to do and they're NOT EVEN FROM JERSEY, but, you know whatever. It's still fun to laugh at the ridiculous living caricatures, though. I mean, really: "Snooki"? "The Situation"?

Anyway, want to know what your Jersey Shore nickname? Here you go! I'm Frank "The Tight End"! Heh.

(Via Facebook)

And The Color Of The Year Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

...turquoise! Bleh. Real, quality turquoise is usually a touch bluer than that sample is. The highest-quality turquoise, from Sweet Home Mine, for instance, is "robin's egg blue."

Christmas Gifts For The Sci-Fi Geek In Your Life

Christmas gifts for ten different subspecies of Homo geekiens.

Mother Nature Is Just A Big Ol' Queen, Y'All!

"Homosexual Selection: The Power of Same-Sex Liasions" is just about the best headline ever. Summary: animals are just as queer, if not more, than we are.

(Via The Awl)

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW])

Art Strikes Bad

Is the geek on your list a little on the artsy-fartsy side? Have a slightly higher budget? Well, here's something to consider. (And if anyone is interesting "Yo, It's A Trap!," "Totum," "Endor Sneak Attack," and "Chewy" are my personal faves. Ahem!)

(Via io9)

"Hey There, Sailor!"

Female pandas "chirp" to indicate their fertility. They're only "in the mood" for a few days a year, though, so male pandas have to sharp.

Books For Non-Readers

As mind-boggling as it is for me to even contemplate, not everyone loves books and reading the way I do. If some strange creature like that is on your Christmas list, here are some suggestions for books that might pique their interest.

(Via Bookninja)

Christmas Gifts For The Sci-Fi Geek In Your Life

Christmas gifts for ten different subspecies of Homo geekiens.

Hi-YA!

Watch out, sharks: ninja-Orcas are gonna get you!

(Via Towleroad)

Christmas Gifts For The Science Geek In Your Life

Here's a list of some of the year's best science books for your Christmas shopping reference.

(Via Bookslut)

I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me...

...but I'm actually going to link to talk about Tiger Woods, but only for about two seconds and not really. I just couldn't let the second picture in this post go without note. I have that book! And a sports blog is just about the last place I'd ever expected to see John Gribbin's name pop up. The Awl just reviewed his new book last week, too! Weird.

Bat-Bear!

Superheros with Beards

Decorate For The Holidays

Bored with your screen? Spruce up your desktop with some pretty winter wallpaper!

They Can Bold Italic Me Any Time!

Hot, beary typeface nerds man singing about fonts to the tune of Lady Gaga's "Pokerface"? Has someone been recording my dreams again?

This Water Is Juuuuuuuuuuust Right!

Some amazing pictures of a polar bear named Coldilocks. First, "Coldilocks" is just about the best name ever. Second, she's a resident of the Philadelphia Zoo, just across the Delaware from me! Philly girls represent!

(Via Towleroad)

From The Archives

Believe it or not, but Bourgeois Nerd turns five at the end of December. In preparation for this momentous occasion, I've been combing through the archives for a Best Of compilation. Anyway, I found this and thought it appropriate for the season.

Have Yourself A Very Klingon Christmas

My inner Trekker nerd and Christmas sentimentalist are in accord in liking this Star Trek Christmas stuff.

Technically, They're All Bastards, Too

I believe I may be the only one in the world who is tickled every time someone calls a dog a "son of a bitch." I mean, they ARE! It's not an insult to them (if they had the cognitive ability to understand the concept of "insult"); it's just a simple statement of fact. I love to point this out, usually with the wide grin of a lunatic pedant. I'm a very, very disturbed individual...

(And I just happened to stumble over the fact that I already talked about this about three years ago. Whoops!)

O Come Let Us Adore... WTF?!?!

Sci-fi Creches

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy the turkey, etc. today, y'all!

Dog Classifieds

DREAM DOG SOUGHT: had dream where dog stood on polygonal plane in front of pyramid surrounded by pillars of neon light and barked strange symbols. Think dog may have had tank treads instead of legs. 555-7802

Thanksgiving Memories

In a very perverse way, I'm always jealous of people's Thanksgiving horror stories. I mean, I know that while they can be good story-fodder, actually living them isn't much fun. Still, my family has only ever had perfectly pleasant, normal, BORING Thanksgivings. I've contemplated coming out at the table just to spice things up, but A) such a cliche, and B) I'm too chicken. Plus, I really don't think my family would be terribly upset, and my sister (and I presume through her her husband) and mother already know.

Many Hothan Trappers Died To Bring Us This Product

It's official: the tauntaun sleeping bag ships November 30! The perfect Life Day gift for the little wokling (or the big nerd) in your life!

The Monkey's Grandmother

Grandmas are the best!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Hot Flash [NSFW]; Towleroad)

Bibliophilic Sculpture

"I don't know much about art, but I know what I like [to read]."

A Year In Kew

The flora and fauna of London's Kew Gardens throughout the year.

Scientific Smell

As long-time readers know, I have a bit of a thing for the smell of books. Well, now even machines are being enchanted by that biblio-musk. Just one more step on the road to the Robot Uprising!

So... 2009 Was Really Mean?

You'd think I'd have been all over the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year as soon as it was announced, but... "unfriend"? Meh.

Finally, I Feel Half Normal

I used to think I was a font nerd, but over the past few years I've come to realize that it's actually one of my minor fetishes. I appreciate good typography, and think it essential to the clear dissemination of information. I wince when I find it badly done. However, I'm not crazy about it. I really can't tell the difference between one font and another, and don't have the names of the True Type catalog in memory. It seems even I have a limit to the amount of neurotic obsession I have to go around.

(Via Bookninja)

Like A Magical Wonderland Of Cute!

I attended my first ever dog show yesterday. As you can imagine, I made a complete fool of myself, what with squeeing and cooing and practically passing out from Teh Cute, but I don't care. Everyone else was doing the same thing, and it's not like I have any pride.

Highlights: learning about the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever from a Santa lookalike; discovering that there is such a thing as a red Siberian Husky; marveling at some of the... special fashion on the handlers; finally appreciating just how FUCKING HUGE Mastiffs are. Seriously, I'd never seen a Mastiff in the flesh, and it was an awe-inspiring experience. I think the only reason they aren't out destroying small Japanese cities is that we've thankfully bred them for "gentle giantness" and it really would just be too much Bother to haul their enormity around to do it. A nap is ever so much more sensible (a sentiment I am in total agreement with).

I highly recommend attending a dog show; it's fun for the whole family!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Unzipped [NSFW])

Garbage In, Death Out

Our garbage is killing albatross chicks. This will end well. Life-in-death, here we come!

If Elton John Rehashes That Damn Song For A Third Time...

Okay, guys, you are more-than-well-aware that I'm all about the animals, especially the white ones (I'm so racist!), but this is just ridiculous. Please, English people, have a strong pot of tea and get your upper lips into proper stiffness!

(Via Towleroad)

Baby Sloth!

Who knew baby sloths were THE MOST PWECIOUS THINGS EVAH?!?

Supernatural Collective Nouns

Ever wondered what a large group of trolls is called? That big bucket of Jedi in Attack of the Clones? At last, we have answers!

It's Never Too Early...

...to initiate your kids into the dark and eldritch mysteries of the Great Old Ones, the fun way!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Vincent Lambert [NSFW]; Bill in Exile [NSFW]; Fleshbot [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

Treat!

I was never much one for Halloween, but I looked forward every year to a handful of TV specials. Sadly, I haven't seen any of these on TV in years, I think because they all (from what I can recollect) were shown on the Disney Channel and that channel went all to crap a few years ago where they show nothing but tween shows and new cartoons. They no longer show anything older (including the great World of Walt Disney cartoons and old wildlife specials that I grew up with as a kid in the 80s/early 90s) and it pisses me off.

Thanks to the magic of YouTube, however, now we can all enjoy my Halloween nostalgia!

Disney's Halloween Treat

A medley of various Disney "spooky" cartoons hosted by an awesome puppet pumpkin (or the Mirror from Snow White in a slightly edited version of the same thing).



The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (the Disney version)

Just totally classic.



The Worst Witch

Basically, it was Harry Potter, except it was all girls and the hero wasn't The Chosen One, but a klutzy, picked-on girl. It had the oddest casting, with the lady from Facts of Life, Diana Riggs, and Tim Curry singing, and some of the most atrocious "special effects" ever committed to film, but I loved it. Growing up isn't easy!



The Halloween That Almost Wasn't

Silly 70s comedic Halloween with the worst ever Dracula, Werewolf, Mummy, and Frankenstein trying to get the Witch to fly over the moon so there could be a real Halloween. Cheesy beyond belief, but fun.



Bugs Bunny

That wascally wabbit doesn't let a few monsters get in his way. Daffy Duck's Quackbusters is full of more Looney Tunes spooky goodness, too.





Happy Halloween!

P.S. For more Halloween goodness from yesteryear, visit the retrotastic Retrospace. (Be sure to read the posts about the Paul Lynde Halloween special, especially!)

Fruits Of Forbidden Love

I don't know why, but polar bear/brown bear hybrids fascinate me, and I'm not the only one.

Gross, But Cool

In the unlikely event I ever get married, this might be my wedding cake.

Fred Died With His Scarf On

Watch out vampires, zombies, and other beasties, because Scooby's got a new snack: the rotting flesh and bones of his enemies!

The Important Questions

Homer asks THE most pressing question of the moment.

Romulus And Remus

Watch out, geese, the duck legions are on their way!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW]; Nightcharm [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

Sight For Sore Eyes (Sorry, But You Knew I'd Have To Use It Eventually)

Things may be quite a bit on the blurry side at the moment, but red pandas and wombats are cute no matter your visual acuity.

I'm Alive!

So, despite the Ray Charles look I'm sporting, I haven't gone blind. Hooray! Actually, according to the doctor today, everything is healing excellently. I can definitely see better, if slightly blurrily. It'll be a while before it heals up and settles down, and it'll probably get blurrier in the next few days, but I should hopefully be able to drive soon, and already the light sensitivity is subsiding. Obviously, I can look at the computer, though I'm trying to limit it. All in all, knock on wood, it looks like a success.

My Eyes!

Tomorrow, in celebration of my nativity, I'm going to have laser eye surgery. If all goes well, I should be unconscious most of tomorrow, but I don't know when I'll be able to look at a computer screen, so I may be silent for a bit. It's not like I've been burning up the blog with posts lately, but I didn't want you to all think I'd abandoned you. If I go blind, I'll find some way to inform you all.

Things You Just Don't Want To Hear

Is there anything worse than a parent in a sharing mood? Today, as my mother and I sat in the eye doctor's office, the news was talking about Obama not being such a dick to marijuana users. My mother joked that maybe she could use some of that for the arm she broke a few weeks ago, and then proceeded to ASK ME IF I EVER SMOKED POT! IN THE MIDDLE OF A DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM!!!1111!!!!ELEVENTY!!! Despite the fact that I've never taken an illegal substance in my boring-ass life -- heck, I've never even been drunk -- and thus had nothing to hide, I was still flabbergasted. But then she proceeded to tell me that she'd tried marijuana once with a bunch of my father's friends (the one part that didn't surprise me, actually; remind you to tell you one day about the fate of my father's groomsmen). Again, IN THE MIDDLE OF A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. My mother. Marijuana use. Apparently, she didn't know you puffed and passed, which she thought was "not very sanitary," it didn't really do much, she just kept talking, and my dad's friends vowed never to smoke with her again. I just didn't need to know this information.

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Unzipped [NSFW]; Fleshbot [NSFW])

Arts and Crap

The world is full of talented and creative people making interesting and unique things. And then there are people making this crap.

(Via Gawker)

I Can Just Smell The Patchouli

Vegetarian spiders: the dirty hippies of the arachnid family.

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Fleshbot [NSFW]; Hot Flash [NSFW]; Unzipped [NSFW])

I Want A Book Castle!

Other uses for the book. (Scroll down a bit for the castle stuff.)

(Via Bookninja)

Hot Font-On-Font Action

Here, this is the difference between Arial and Helvetica.

(Via Bookninja)

Future Con-Goers Of America

The most important step in successfully raising a little nerd of your own is to start them young. Adorable they are! (I don't know about that Chewbacca costume, though. It just looks they have a brown shirt and some furry mukluks on or something.)

Fatal Flaw

There are two reasons why any attempt of mine to eat less or healthier or whatever is doomed to failure: 1) I have the willpower of a meth addict in a warehouse full of Pseudofed, and 2) I get FUCKING HUNGRY! I suppose there's a 3) as well: I like and eat a lot of crap.

Awe-some

For those who travel to work on the Lusitania, a trunk office.