It's All About ME

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4.1

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz



My Personal DNA Report

Generous Idealist

You Are Boston

Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots. Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best. And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

Student Journalism

As the past editor of a college literary journal (I know, I'm a total twit) in a "Publications Suite" literally divided between the newspaper assholes and the campus humor magazine assholes-but-intentional-about-it (our little journal was friends with the latter group, cause we were snobby twits/intentional assholes as well), this piece rings humorously true.

I'm A U.S. Citizen With An Eighth Grade Education!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10 out of 10 questions correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8 out of 8 questions correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 questions correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Those Darned College Professors!

Not sure if your college is a bastion of commie pinko, anti-American, pro-jihadist thought? Not entirely certain if your fragile, delicate little selves are being systematically transformed from good, patriotic, Christian Americans into sexually deviant, America-hating, heathen traitors by your professors? Well, finally someone has been kind enough to give you an easy, non-taxing (your poor little brains can't be made to think too much, of course; that would take valuable cerebral processing time away from such weighty matters as binge drinking, partying, and pledging Kappa Kappa Asshole) way to figure it out so you can opt out of anything that smacks too much of liberalness.

(Via Bookslut)

Love Is Blind

True love knows no bounds. Aren't they just the cutest couple? That picture makes me feel all mushy inside. I hope they don't separate them.

BTW, I'm sure there's a Brokeback joke somehwere in this story, but I really don't feel like finding it.

(Via Proceed At Your Own Risk)

Something Tells Me...

Moby Dick might have turned out better for Ishmael, Ahab, and Co. (attorneys for all your maritime law needs) if ol' Dickey had looked like this.

(Via Philobiblon)

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

What is this crap?

“The whole thing about being a figure skater,” [figure skater and flaming, if closeted, queen -- though he prefers "princess," which is ever gayer] JohnnyWeir later explained, “is that you’re supposed to be an observer and to be able to adapt with any group you’re in, and I don’t want to do anything that threatens that.”

Um, Johnny? Figure skating is about jumping and twirling on ice, last time I checked. No "being an observer" or any other such hogwash involved.

Lucky Bastard!

I hate you, Mr. Lucky Aussie! Haaaate!!!

(Via Bookninja)

Mamas, It's All YOUR Fault Your Babies Grow Up To Be Gay Cowboys

Just as you've always thought, it's all your mother's fault!

You know, whenever Dr. Phil or some other pseudo-psychologist on TV starts talking about why Johnny Devil is a totally evil little prick, it's always the mother's fault, which sets my own mother off. "Yeah, blame it all on the mother!" she says. "What about the father, huh? And what if the boy is just evil?" It just incenses her. (But she's a truly wonderful mother and all of my sister and me's problems are our own damn faults. Love ya, Mom!)

Anyway, as Richard suggests, depending on your mother and your relationship with her, you can use this information to either compliment her or make her feel guilty. Even both!

(Via Proceed At Your Own Risk)

Nice Guys Finish First

Females (or at least cuttlefish females) really do go for the nice, smart guys. While the big, burly jocks are being all caveman-like guarding the female against other jocks, the clever, effete males mate with the females right under their noses (or whaever it is cuttlefish have). Basically, the clever males act all drag queeny, fooling the jock males into thinking they're "not a threat" ('cause they're fags), but then get their straight lovin' on. It's like in all those movies and TV shows where the guy pretends to be gay to close to a girl!

I suppose I should be outraged at the "gay-playing" males for their perpetuation of homophobic stereotypes and heteronormative/phallocentric gender roles, especially on behalf of the truly gay cuttlefish I'm sure are out there, but I can't help but admire their ingenuity. It's always nice to see the smart ones come out on top.

You Might Be A Nerd If... (What Do You Mean IF????)

I'm pleased and honored to have been contacted by Nathan, the proprietor of new site Nerd If, asking if he may link this here blog. Being the proud nerd (and unmitigated link whore) that I am, I, of course, agreed. We nerds have to stick together, after all, and, anyway, I like the looks of the site. Go check it out.

Fame!

Well, Bourgeois Nerd had some very nice traffic yesterday (and, hopefully, continuing into today) courtesy of shout-out links from Bookninja and Bookslut on the comparison and contrast post from yesterday. Thanks to them for linking.

Welcome to all who have arrived here via the links! Hope you enjoy your stay and please visit us again soon.

Geeks, Nerds, And Homos

I just ran across a fabulous (or should it be fagulous?) new word: gomo, a "homo geek."

I would proudly wear the gomo moniker, except that, obviously, I've built my identity on being a nerd, not a geek. (Yes, yes, yes, that's nothing but a semantic distinction. Technically, they both mean the same thing. But, to my mind at least, "geek" carries with it a connotation of technical prowess, while "nerd" is more general in being applied to anyone who is smart and awkward, suitable for someone of a more humanitistic bent, such as myself.)

So what new word should I coin to describe myself? Nermo? Nomo? Nerdmo? Let me know what you think!

Composition

Ah, the compare and contrast essay. Brings back many fond(ish) memories. I think I'm getting a little tear in my eye, actually...

And, if you're wondering, no, none of mine were ever that bad. I hope. Though I do admit I may have used the "there are many similaries and many differences" line a time or two. For that, I am deeply, deeply ashamed. Mea culpa! Mea culpa! Mea maxima culpa!

(Via Unlocked Wordhoard)

I Smell Bestseller, Baby!

Titles coming to a bookstore near you! Definitely a writer to watch out for.

Another "Well Get My Smelling Salts!" Moment

Gay men are size queens and feel better about themselves if they have a big penis. Shocking! What will science discover next?

(Via Towleroad, which, BTW, I just learned is a pun. Gay blogging sensation and Towleroad proprietor Andy Towle's last name is actually pronounced "toll," thus making the blog a "tollroad." I must say, I always thought it was "towel," but "tollroad" makes much more sense than "towelroad." Thanks, Eric, for the info! You're sooooo "my type"!)

Where Did It All Go Wrong?

When and how did Miss Spears turn from a gal who can't really sing, but she's kinda cute and straight guys get off on her "virginal" jailbait quality into Mrs. Federline, the embodiment of white trash, with a deadbeat husband, a corpse-like career, and a baby you wish protective services had taken away just to save poor Sean from his inevitable teenaged drug and alcohol fueled downward spiral? And when and how did Miss Aguilera, a gal with a great voice, but waaaay too enamored of melisma (just SING, baby, don't warble), horrible hair and make-up obviously styled by a very bitter old queen, and a persona that can only be described as "straight-up nasty ho" turn into Mrs. Whatever The Hell Her Husband's Name Is, who is still too melismatic, but looks pulled together, and is married to a non-leech who actually looks normal (if not dull)? Could it have been some sort of Kabbalah curse?

(Via Defamer)

Whom Shall I Say Is Calling?

The usage of whom is "devilishly complicated," so people either don't use it where it is appropriate or use it where it is inappropriate. Thus, most people ignore it and just use "who" for everything. I must say, I'm sympathetic to this; I personally only use "whom" when there's a preposition before it, 'cause that's the only time I'm totally sure it's correct.

(Via Bookninja)

I Don't Think I'd Do Well With All The Angst, Though

You scored as Moya (Farscape). You are surrounded by muppets. But that is okay because they are your friends and have shown many times that they can be trusted. Now if only you could stop being bothered about wormholes. Moya (Farscape) 94% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 75% SG-1 (Stargate) 75% Serenity (Firefly) 63% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 50% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 50% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 44% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 44% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 38% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 38% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 38% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 13% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

This One's For YOU, GayProf!

In honor (erm....) of this year's failed job search, GayProf, I'd like to offer something I think will cheer you up a bit: Valley of the Dolls of Academe. It's not you, baby, it's the crazy committees full of vicious, insecure, backstabbing members. (Academia really is like a covey of bitchy queens, isn't it?) Check out the rest of the blog; it's a hoot. The author is a member of "the tribe" and, I'm sure, as a fellow "tribal" academic of color, would speak to you a lot more than to me and my non-academic Anglo-ness.

(Via Inside Higher Ed)

Proust

I just finished reading some Proust. Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. It was just that I'd been eyeing the new Barnes & Noble Classics edition of Swann's Way, the first volume of his opus In Search of Lost Time for a couple of months and just finally had to take the plunge. The blurb and the first page made it sound a bit more accessible than I had always imagined Proust and I kinda felt like I should read it, ya know?

Anyway, I cannot say I particularly enjoyed it. It is just so tedious, so overstuffed. At times, I could hardly focus on the words for all of the words (that totally doesn't make sense, but it's the best I can do). He seems to be trying to get at stuff (Time, Memory, Truth, and other capital-letter Ideas) by sheer volume of letters. It's either very annoying or very entertaining, but mostly very annoying, depending on the particular anecdote being related at the time. There isn't really much of a story or a plot; I can't say I particularly liked any of the characters, either. Yet, I really want to know what happens next, how it all turns out, so I'll be looking at the next volume soon. I guess that means it's good in some way. Not much of a recommendation, though.

Prehistoric Penguin

Yes, it was big, but was it gay?!?

Thighs (And Other Things) To Die For

Mystery Mammal

The backyard of my house backs onto a drainage ditch. Today, on the edge of the lawn and the ditch, we saw a curious little mammalian. It was a brownish, grayish dark color with a long, bald tail. My mother thought it was a rat, since they apparently live in the ditch, but it really didn't look like it to me, so I went out to investigate. He was so focused on rooting away in the grass, looking for whatever it is he eats (roots or insects, I guess) that I got right up to him. He didn't even look in my direction. His tail was rather rat-like (though the tail was black and I've only seen flesh-colored rat tails), but it didn't have a ratty head. Its head was almost beaver-like, I thought, and much cuter than your typical rat.

When I got back inside, I reported that it didn't look like a rat to me. Then we thought it might be a possum, since they're the only other mammals with a bald tail we could think of. But I've just spent some time researching on the Internet and possums don't have black tails and they're more grayish than brownish. I can't find any animal, really, that squares with what I saw. The closest were like nutria and woodchucks, but the ditch is dry and we don't live near any ponds or creeks, so they'd have no reason to live there.

Anyone have any ideas as to what it was? We have a colony of rabbits in our neighborhood, but we've never seen any animal like the one today. Should we be worried that we have some sort of pest infestation or is it just a harmless creature rooting for food?

Rolling In The Gutter

Okay, so I decided to sit and watch the men's figure skating long program the other night, just to see how this Johnny Weir character that's gotten so much attention did. (Unfortunately, he didn't pull it off.)

Anyway, seeing more of the men, I can safely say my belief that male figure skaters are rather homely remains unshaken. There's only one guy I found cute and he was still not my type. But the same guy, a Canadian (?) named Sawyer (?), was also incredibly flexible. He was doing things with his spins and whatnot I didn't think a man could do! Of course, all I could think to myself was, "Wow, I bet he's great in bed! Just think of the Kama Sutra things you could get up to with him! He'd totally make a great porn star bottom [he's got the whole blond twinky thing going on]. Pair him with a man like Zak Spears and it'd be hotter than hell!"

Such is the way my mind works: take the extraordinary physical abilities of an Olympic athlete, an expression of personal human achievement no doubt arrived at through great hardship and sacrifice on his part, and turn it into a filthy gay porn fantasy. And that's why you keeping come back for more, you dirty perverts! *hehehehehehe*

Holy...

Folks. Thought I was gonna say something else, didn't ya? Ha! Ha!

Anyway, the plush Biblical characters are cute, if a touch too crazy-fundamentalist-indoctrination-of-the-young for my taste, but I still prefer the huggable parasites and pathogens!

(Via Maud Newton)

"Gay As A Goose" Ain't Even The Half Of It!

Penguins. Flamingos. Now, vultures. What is it with birds and the gayness?

Bubbles!

And not just any bubbles, but colored bubbles! Yay!

(Via Joe. My. God. comment)

But Where Do They Sit At Lunch?

Blogging is like high school. Or something. I don't know, I was too busy furiously masturbating and battling acne to actually read the article.

(Via Not Only But Also)

Slash And Burn

If you're a sci-fi nerd like myself, then it is impossible not to come across slash at some point. Some of it's good (no, really), lots of it is bad, and some of it is just downright ridiculous. (And let's not even get into the art or all the crazy Brokeback stuff that's coming out.) But even accounting for the good stuff, I still don't think one should take it that seriously. Just my opinion, though.

(Via Maud Newton)

Atlanta Pandas; Or, "Oh My God, The Cuteness Is UnBEARable!"

Steve Schaefer/Agence France-Presse

Yang Yang (male; left) and Lun Lun (female; right).

Jessica McGowan for The New York Times

Yang Yang kicking back and gorging on bamboo, 'cause that how he roll.

BN's Olympics Update

Okay, so to say that I'm less than "Olympic-ed up" would be an understatement. I've barely watched more than thirty seconds at a time since it started. I didn't even watch the opening ceremonies. I just don't much care for the winter games and I'm not ashamed to admit it is mostly due to the lack of male skin on display. It's all about the layers and bodysuits and goggles and hoods and crap in winter; I much prefer the skimpy spandex of summer. Plus, the winter Olympics is dominated by fratty blond-haired, blue-eyed Nordic sorts and they ain't generally what I go for.

Specifically, however, I don't find male figure skaters very attractive. You'd think I'd have more affinity for them, since a large percentage (though certainly not all) are flaming, if mostly closeted, 'mos. The thing is, though, that, despite the fact that they probably have smokin' bodies underneath their spandex, they all seem to be rather... plain, let's say. Frankly, most of the ones I've seen (and, admittedly, I'm not an expert) are dogs in the looks department.

So, due to my disinterest, I'll just fall back on jingoistic nationalism. USA! USA! USA!

It's So Vuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulgar, Darling!

This dictionary, that is.

(Via Bookninja)

Be Mine

Happy Valentine's Day!

Lonely Hearts

Unfortunately, not everyone has a sweetie for Valentine's Day. (I sure as hell don't.) That's okay, though, you can always try literary Valentine's personals? Or how about library dating?

(Via Bookslut)

I Thought Germans Were All Progressive And Scheiss

They're trying to convert the gay penguins again!

A bunch of poor female penguins were thrust "straight" into the "bath house." Predictably, there was no heterosexual result, so, of course, it had to be the females' fault again. (How sexist!) But what if the female penguins aren't "shy"? Maybe they're fag hags. Or, maybe, they're lesbians?!?!? How about that, German zookeepers! Penguin Pride!

(Via Proceed At Your Own Risk)

How I Spent My Sunday Morning

So I spent yesterday morning shoveling snow. Fun. Snow is pretty, but now that I'm older, don't get snowdays, and have to shovel it, it isn't as pleasing as it once was. Weird, huh?

Anyway, the worst thing about shoveling is the crazy temperature dichotomy. On the one hand, you're cold and numb from the snow and wind and all. On the other hand, you're hot and sweaty from the physical exertion. And there's nothing worse than being sweaty out in the cold. It just doesn't feel right.

Weirdest Book Titles

Bullying and Sexual Harassment: A Practical Handbook? Well, at least they're being practical about it.

(Via Bookninja)

Minutes of Physics

The minutes of The Royal Society in the days of Newton, Hooke, and other giants of classical physics have been found. Problem is, they're due to go up for auction and The Royal Society itself doesn't really have the kind of money needed. Got an extra million lying about?

(Via Bookninja)

Cosmic Collectanea

NASA is going to cut science in favor of the shuttle. Screw finding other planets/new lifeforms, screw divining the secrets of the universe, we just gotta fund failure-prone shuttles decades out of date to build a space station no one really wants anymore. Good job, again, Mr. "Science President" Bush!

First, stars are sexual