You Go, Girls!

Female cheetahs is straight-up pimps!

Move Over Jaws! There Are Other Reasons To Be Afraid To Go In The Water

In the prehistoric Olympics, T. rex apparently dominated the swimming events. Except for the breast stroke, of course. "Little arms [and a big head]" and all that, you know.

Unlike most felines, tigers love to swim. Being photographed swimming, however, is a different story, apparently. My, Mr. Tiger, what big fangs you have!

Heaven Just Got A Whole Lot More Fabulous

Charles Nelson Reilly died on Monday. The best part of The Game Show Network (which my grandmother loves) is all the reruns of old game shows, especially ones like Match Game, where the "celebrities" are obscure and the bon mots fly faster than speeding bullets. And, of course, the fastest zing-flinger of the bunch was the campy queen with the neckerchiefs: Charles Nelson Reilly. (If you're a gay boy like me, you can only dream of someday -- when you're a Big Gay-- being as fierce as Mr. Reilly.) With his passing, the world is a little less bright.

Pretty

Full Moon Fever



Milky Way From Quebec



Venus-Moon Conjunction



The Andromeda Galaxy

Musicians and Lightbulbs

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Burgus Nerdus Blogulum

If the Internet had existed during Roman times, this is what it would have looked like.

(Via rogueclassicism)

Happy Memorial Day

Let us remember all the brave men and women who have served in the armed forces in the past, as well as those who do so today, this Memorial Day. And once that's done, let's go get wasted at a barbecue and buy a car for zero down and no interest until 2008!

Well, I've Got The Twelve Hours Of Sleep Part Down...

How To Write The Great American Novel

(Via Grumpy Old Bookman)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via The Pretty Boys Club; The Great Cock Hunt)

"We Have The Stars..."

(Via Astronomy Picture of the Day)

Fashion Tip

Anna Wintour-of-the-gay-nerd-blogosphere that I am, I have a little fashion tip for all the males in the audience: see-through mesh shirts are not a good idea. Seriously, even the hottest guys don't really look good in them. I suppose they're nice and cool during the summer months, when you're on Fire Island tweaking at Low Tea, but resist the sirens' call of the International Male catalog, fellows, and go with good old-fashioned light cotton.

I'd Rather Be A Mutant Spiderweb-Hurler Than A Nietzschean/Jesus/Jew Figure

Ran across this first video in the "I'm Marvel.... And I'm DC!" series spoofing those Mac/PC ads. I suggest you check out the whole series: Hysterical! And more effective than the Mac/PC ones because, as I've said before, the Mac guy's such a douche and John Hodgman so totally awesome, you end up rooting for the "wrong" company. But, then, I've never liked Superman (he's such a douche!), so I may be a little biased in this case anyway.

BTW, what is up with the crotchal area of that Superman doll? Are they anatomically correct now or something?

Poor Heff!

Not only does he look like an old, senile scrotum in silk pajamas and is surrounded by a bevy of not-actually-that-hot-if-you-really-look-at-them-but-are-blond
-plastic-and-slutty-which-amounts-to-the-same-thing-for-
straight-guys golddiggers with the collective IQ of a beanpole, but his rabbits are dying off. There's a sperm count and/or Viagra joke in there somewhere, but I'll leave it to you to unpack it yourselves.

(Via Jezebel)

Conan O'Brien On...

... Star Wars

The Dr. Sparky Interview

So Vince wanted to interview some of his blogging pals, and I volunteered. Below are my answers to his questions.

1. There is a storage problem in the world and something has to go. Either all books will be destroyed and lost forever or all porn will face the same fate. It's your call. Which wins out, intellect or lust?

I thought this would be a really tough question, but, after thinking about it for a second, it turned out it wasn't: intellect/bibliophilia wins. I could live without porn, or at least live without it until a month or two later when there would be a billion movies and magazines out (porn abhors a vacuum, you know). But I already worry about a new Dark Age in which most books and knowledge are lost (that's why I'm so insane that I have two, three, sixteen, or over twenty copies of the same book), so of course I'd go with the books.

2. Do you have a secret crush on any of your blogging buddies? You don't have to reveal names, but I'd encourage it. I like the drama.

Good Lord, who don't I have a crush on! Let's see...Well, of course I'm madly in semi-quasi-sort of incestuous love with Scott, but that's hardly a secret. There's you, Vince, of course (if I ever get to Chicago, I am totally crashing on your couch). GayProf, though I think we're too much alike to ever have a relationship (our combined gravitas would collapse into a black hole). However, a wild, torrid affair followed by years of friendship could work. Eric and I would also not work as a relationship, since our combined neuroticism would probably rip a tear in the spacetime continuum, but also because I don't know enough languages to keep him satisfied. Another torrid affair it is, then! Bigmouth and Gunn and Note and GothamWhore and Hubbard intrigue me because I know so little about them, even what they look like. Rich is brilliantly funny, which is, of course, sexy. And his kitties are the most adorable things ever! Bigg because I fantasize about what the name refers to. Homer is just plain humpy. Momo is fascinating; I love a man with lots of stories to tell. Pete's dirty, almost scary sometimes, and that's exciting. I've long been in total lust with the vlogtastic Tony Hayden, and in love with his dog. And, though I know Scott will go totally ballistic, I think Joe is beary, beary fine.

I'm not one of those gay men who fixate on straight men. I don't feel it worthwhile or seemly, when it's almost always a fantasy that won't come to fruition, and can very likely lead to discomfort on the straight side and extreme disappointment on the gay. Now, that isn't to say I don't appreciate an attractive straight man and don't sometimes say to myself, "If [insert name here] were gay, I'd so be on that!" So my straight-blogger crushes include: Chris Sims, who is not only funny, but totally cubby. Dr. Rundkvist, because who doesn't love a really sexy Swede? Who doesn't like a redbearded Canadian Ninja, for that matter? 'Ranter has the badass cynic thing going for him. Phil Plait and P.Z. Myers and their atheistic/skeptical beards are kinda sexy, I think. And, of course, there's Dr. Dave, who I know he would be very hurt and complain-y if I didn't include him.

In reality, though, every proprietor of a blog listed in the sidebar links, I have an intellectual crush on, have a [whatever the equivalent of a mancrush or girlcrush is for a gay man who adores a straight woman], or just think is plain nifty and would love to get to know better. Really, I love you all! (And don't be mad at me if you don't see your name listed! This question's taking long enough already and I'm sure I'm forgetting people.)


3. Are all the horrible things I've heard about New Jersey true? If they are, I really need to book a flight out there!

When people think about New Jersey, they think about North Jersey, even really just Northeastern Jersey, and maybe Princeton. Much of Northeastern Jersey is not-so-nice, with its chemical plants, waste incinerators, and such, and such lovely towns as Newark and Jersey City. But most of the state, including much of "Sopranos New Jersey" is really rather typical suburbs and not that scary at all.

4. Your readers know a lot about you (assuming they pay attention). One thing I have no clue about is your taste in music. What does everyone's favorite nerd like to listen to?

I'm honestly not a big music buff. I also don't listen to music the way most people do. I own I think three CDs, have no mp3 players, and have never downloaded music in my life. I occasionally watch a music video if I'm flipping through the channels and MTV or VH1 or Logo (which has a music hour) are actually playing a video at that moment. I do flip through the non-video music channels that I get through Comcast Digital Cable frequently, but mostly I get in the car and flip around until I find something I like the sounds of. I don't have favorite genres or anything; I'm just eclectic and listen to whatever tickles my cochlear.

In my goofy/mystical moments, I think that all music, all sound really, contains strains of the Music of the Spheres within it, and that the songs that resonate with my atoms' own frequency of the Music are what I enjoy. Or something.


5. Speaking of nerds, what is the difference between a nerd and dork? In your own words, please. As a nerd, I know you are itching to pull out your dictionary.

The semantic, cultural, and social distinctions between "nerd," "geek," and "dork" are complex and controversial. (Not especially surprising when one thinks about the people to whom these terms are applied, eh?) I've talked about the issue before. But, succinctly, I believe "nerd" and "geek" are grossly synonymous, with just a few connotative shades separating them. Both apply, I believe, to people of above average intelligence who have a high level of interest in at least one, or usually several, subjects that society or specific peer groups deem non-mainstream, at least above a certain level, such as science fiction/fantasy, computers, books, chemistry, anime, band, etc.

"Nerds," in my opinion, are generally humanistic, in that their interests are mostly literary and pop cultural; "geeks" are more technically and scientifically minded. Both tend to be awkward socially, at least at some point in their lives, and often aggregate into myriads of subcultures, such as Trekkers, anime fans, robotic competitioners, etc. Again, though, many participate in more than one of these subcultures, and the levels of their participation vary greatly. Because there is much crossover and bleed-through of the "nerd" and "geek" groups, any rigid classification scheme is virtually impossible, but I believe the scheme I've outlined is broadly correct.

"Dork" is, to me, more just a general put-down than an identifiable group label. Though it is often leveled at nerds and geeks, it is really just a term of scorn or derision used against any less-than-popular or fringe individual, usually in childhood and adolescence when those distinctions matter most. Basically, anyone you don't like or is in some way Other is a dork.

So, there are my answers, Vince! Hope I answered them to your satisfaction and provided a more in-depth peek into my inexplicable psyche. Thank you for the great questions!

Skimpy Sundays

This week's Skimpy Sunday is going to take the form of a link instead of picture post, just because I love this whole series and don't want to just steal copy them. Jockstrap fans, enjoy!

(Via Gay Fleshbot)

Fire In The Hole

Not that anyone cares, but I have an update on that straight porn I bought because of my Evan Stone (aka "Dirty Fabio on Crack") yen. Well, it finally came and I watched it the other night. I survived the experience of all that straight sex relatively unscathed; the fake boobs and yeasty orifices didn't traumatize me nearly as much as I feared.

Actually, I think it was rather educational. I now feel I have a better understanding of the labia (both minor and major) and have discovered that most straight gals, even the "professionals," really don't have very good blowjob technique. (Seriously, most of those girls need to get their fuck-me pumps to stepping and run to their gay porn brethren right quick and learn how to suck a damn cock!) Also, I don't know why, but pubic hair on women totally skeeves me out in a way men's it totally doesn't. I think it's the thought of all those "secretions" in all that brambley hair. But, at the same time, a fully shaved vulva can be kinda skeevy, too, with all the stubble and stuff. You definitely have to find a good waxer or razor, women, or else it looks like you have dermatological or venereal issues. Another thing that skeeves me out when women are involved, but doesn't when it's men, is money shots. There's just something about a man coming on a woman that makes my skin crawl; it's just gross.

Anyway, like I said, I survived the experience. I don't think I'm going to be making a very frequent habit of buy and watching straight porn, but I'm no longer frozen in terror by the prospect.

Harper's

So, does anyone have a subscription to Harper's Magazine? I'd like to get access to the archives to save/print out a certain article, but you need a subscription. Anyone?

Animal Oddities

A dog nurses tiger triplets! An albino wallaby! Craziness!

(Via Cute Overload!)

Fellow Word Nerds...

...interested in a little amateur lexicography?

(Via Gawker)

Okay, So Now I Want To Know If The Dutch Have A Word For...

...something that is both cute and heartbreaking at the same time? Because on the one hand, tubby kitties and doggies are adorable, and on the other, I can see some of them having a heart attack as the picture is being taken. People, when your cat can double as a kickball, it's time to stop with the treats!

(Via Gawker)

Well, It IS A Germanic Language

I always thought German was the language of having a word for complex emotional states (Schadenfreude, Weltschmerz, etc.), but their Dutch cousins are apparently not too bad at it either. In this article, we learn that the Dutch lexicon contains a word for the "feeling of let-down" that comes "from repeating pleasures so often that they stop being pleasurable": genotsbevrediging. Isn't that like the coolest word ever?!?! I want to learn Dutch, now.

(Via Books, Inq.)

One For The Boys Overseas

The perfect underwear for our brave troops in Iraq! Please tell me, Scott, that these are standard issue for grunts and Marines!

Queer As A Three-Dollar Bill

Having trouble coming out of the closet? Just wear this T-shirt and everyone will get the hint!

It'll BE A Black Duck And A Bipedal Pig With Speech Impediments Next

Looks like Bugs is on a little bit of a rampage in the English countryside. He should have turned left at Albuquerque.

(Via Bookninja)

80s Cartoons Were Educational, Y'All!

Seriously, 80s cartoons taught us many valuable life lessons.

Congratulations, Grads!

Now the fun can begin!

(Via Chris's Invincible Super-Blog)

I Prefer "Eremite"

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

(Via Perge Modo)

REALLY Progressive Advertising?

(This will only mean anything to a few of my gay readers, but I just can't not share it, so I apologize in advance to everyone who has no idea what I'm talking about.)

Anyway, is it just me, or does this ad that's on Gawker all the time make it look like Buck Angel is the Crunch spokesmodel?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

This is a bit of an odd query, but do any of you, my fabulously witty and attractive readers, have a subscription to Harper's Magazine? If so, please let me know; I have a favor to ask.

Skimpy Sundays

(Via The Pretty Boys Club)

I've Heard Of Icewater Blood...

...but never plastic blood! What will they think of next? Wonder what effect plastic blood would have on vampires. Won't someone think of the vampires?

I Hear They Do Important Work On Neutrino Interaction With Grass

Buffaloes in residence at physics lab.

Colonial Buggery

You know, it's really funny, I just watched a program about Jamestown on Nova a few hours ago (if you've been living under a rock, it's the 400th anniversary of the Jamestown settlement this year and the queen's visiting to commemorate it and stuff, so there's all kinds of books and documentaries about it out). During that documentary, when they were talking about how it was one hundred men in the original settlement, my dirty mind was all, "Yep, there was some sodomy going on there!" And, look, I was (probably) right!

And, Lo, I Sayeth Unto You...

I am not the Lord your God, but an online quiz says I'm kinda sorta like him! And it was good.

Which God or Goddess are you like? Your Result: The Christian God You are the Holy Lord. You are the shepherd and those that follow you are your lambs. You are kind and patient, but when need be, you are vile and creul. You are often asked for advise or wisdom, and you willingly give it. Congratulations!! You are God!!
Budha
Jesus
Goddess Bast
You are your own God or Goddess
God Zeus
Goddess Sekhemet
Satan
Which God or Goddess are you like? Make Your Own Quiz

(Via Pharyngula)

Thoughts of the Average American Citizen

I don't actually think these are the thoughts of the average American citizen, since I don't think most people (American or not, BTW) are that self-reflective. I also don't think that a lot of people think, consciously or subconsciously, all of those things at once. And, of course, I also think that, on the whole, humanity is good and Americans are decent people and blah blah blah.

I also feel like a "liberal elitist" schmuck by linking to and semi-agreeing with the thoughts behind it, but then I feel like I'm just responding that way due to very effective right-wing propaganda programming over the past decade. And then I remember I'm a neurotic basket-case and shut up.

(Via Gawker)

Live Panda Sex Show!

Know how pandas are notoriously undersexed and that conservationists have found it difficult to get them to mate? Well, at least one panda couple have rocked the trailer quite hard. Apparently, all it took was a younger man. You go, girl!

Least Favorite Exercise

Mine is the push-up, definitely. I'm not a big exercise fan to begin with, but the push-up is especially irksome to me. What exercise do you hate?

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Roids and Rants [NSFW!]; Bill in Exile)

Star Tube

I'm not like a YouTube maniac, but I followed a link today to this Star Wars Robot Chicken clip and sort of got clicking about, upon which I found this Revenge of the Sith parody. Hilarioius they are! I'm such a geek, and I love it!

Just Out Of Curiosity...

...where do you get your porn? I ask just because my usual supplier (TLA, which is local to me and a great company I've always been happy with) has had me on backorder for an item for three weeks, and I just learned it'll probably be another two until it's shipped. Therefore, I'm thinking of looking around for someone else to fulfill it for me and cancelling the original one.

I'm ambivalent about the purchase anyway, though. It's my first and only straight porn purchase, a cheap compilation video (link NSFW) featuring that grody straight porn star that I have an irrational attraction to. I was serious when I said I'd endure yeasty vaginas for him; he's fug, but he cranks my chain.

Anyway, I was just curious as to what purveyors of pornography you guys prefer. And even if you shun the online smut emporia in favor of Ye Olde Friendly Neighborhood Porn Shoppe, still feel free to respond. I'm curious, and one never knows where one will find oneself in need of a local XXX establishment.

Moving Right Along

Both Serial Drama and Chris' Invincible Super-Blog have taken up housekeeping in new locations. Adjust your links and bookmarks accordingly!

Map Of Online Communities

We're probably a tiny little atoll in the Blogipelago, near the Wikipedia Islands. The Continent of Pornographica must lie to the East, past the Isle of Slash.

(Via Pharyngula)

The Sex Lives Of Animals

Hope yet for love for the picky Lonesome George.

Turtle schlong!

Duck sex: full of rape and huge wangs!

My Self-Worth

(Via Manhattan Offender)

All I Can Do Is Sigh And Nod My Head

The joys of unemployment/temping.

"Letter From A Japanese Crematorium"

Fascinating essay on one Japanese family's funeral for their grandmother. Very sad and beautiful.

(Via Maud Newton)

I'm Blinding You With SCIENCE!

Insects don't get fat, apparently.

Meerkat males are whores.

Being a night owl is genetic. Hear that, Mom? It's your genes that make me stay up all night!