No "Ma'am!"

I get called "Ma'am" a lot by people on the phone and fast-food employees. It's really annoying. I guess on the phone, or the drive-thru speaker, my voice sounds just like a woman's or something. (Actually, I have been told I sound like my mother on the phone.)

But I'm not a woman, no matter how much of a fag I am!!! I'm all man, baby! *grips crotch in obscene gesture*

Civil Rights with Cindy

The Unsinkable Cindy Best (who is, to my shame, much more up on and involved with the gay rights movement than I am) weighs in on the comparison between the black and gay civil rights movements. I'm pretty much of one mind with her: we all just need to get along. No, homophobia isn't quite the same thing as hundreds of years of bondage and discrimination (though you can make the argument that homophobia goes much farther back) and, yes, blacks are sometimes little more than rhetorical tools for some gay activists, but we're still all in the this thing together, trying to bring down the [White Heterosexual] Man!!!

Cindy also waxes "nostalgic" for the Clinton years.

(FYI: This post was drafted before I went off on gay assimilationalism for the second time in as many days. I promise this'll be the last word from me on the issue of gay rights for at least a few days. I can't keep writing all this heavy stuff; it's both tiring and depressing for me.)

Something's Very Wrong In Gayville

Towleroad seems to have been infected with the LOGO-virus. God forbid we be sexual, flamboyant beings! No, we have to put on a drag of a different sort: a "normal," Middle American, white middle-class drag. Even as someone who is rather "normal," Middle American, white, and middle-class, that attitude makes me by turns sad and outraged.

What has happened to us homosexuals? How did we get infected with this notion that if we just act like we're still in the closet (a see-through model that allows just enough light in for others to see we like the same sex but not enough to show anything else), the homophobes will just instantly like us and give us equal rights? It ain't gonna happen, people!!! Haters will always hate. And I really don't think the "in-betweeners" are damaged by images of drag queens and leather daddies.

Maybe, though, the question is what didn't happen to us homosexuals? It seems that, instead of trying to make the dream of an accepting and inclusive world a reality, we've allowed ourselves to devolve (or simply stay) nothing more than a collection of bitchy cliques united only by a love of dick (or pussy). Now, not only are we sexually, racially, geographically, generationally, and fetishistically divided, we're divided into the "normals" and the "freaks." Instead of a "rainbow" of harmony and community, we're a sad minority riven by petty differences. We're pathetic!

Bravo, Blogger!

About a week or so ago, I noticed that one of the buttons in the "Compose" area of the Blogger was new. Upon investigation, it turned out that they'd finally changed their programming to allow direct picture placement in posts. Joy!

Before, I had to go use Hello (a Google product, BTW, which is also the parent company of Blogger. Coincidence? Hmmmm.... I mean, we all know corporations would never take advantage of synergies between their companies to the detriment or inconvenience of their customers. That's just CrazY talk!!!). While hardly hard labor, it was still a much too long and complicated process. Finally, though, they've cut through the middleman!

Anyway, ever since the change, I've wanted to try it out, but kept waiting for an image to come along I would have posted anyway. Well, days without such an image's appearance later, I finally said "Screw it!" and just posted this here picture above and found the new method of picture posting is a pretty easy and straightforward process. Good job, Blogger-Bots!

Rant Ahead!!!

This article about Logo, the new "gay channel," makes me soooooo pissed!

"So much connects us beyond sexuality," the network president, Brian Grazer, says. Excuse me, but WHAT? I mean, on one level, he's totally correct. Gay men and women and transgenders are no more purely sexual beasts than heterosexuals (though a lot more honest about the role of sexuality in their lives). On another level, however, sexuality (and the life experiences that come as a direct result of that sexuality) is the only thing that connects a lot of gay people! We're defined by our sexuality; that's why they call us homosexuals!!!

Usually, I defend shows and actors who are "non-threatening" and "stereotypical" gay and lesbian figures (i.e. the Fab Five, Ellen, etc.) from those deranged and out-of-touch-with-reality queer radicals who want only Goldilocks (not too sexy, not too unsexy, not too white, not too colored, and on and on) depictions of homosexuals. Those "non-threatening" figures are, by their nature, just small and limited snapshots of the gay community, in the same way Queer as Folk, an almost-panto production of rampant white gay male sexuality and melodrama, is. Neither depiction is complete or perfect; the human race and its works are neither complete nor perfect, so limited depictions are all we have. No one show or actor or book or whatever has an intrinsic duty to, or quite frankly the possibility of, be[ing] all things to all people. Yes, one can argue that too sexualized a depiction can just reinforce homophobic stereotypes or that neutered gay characters are modern Al Jolsons donning "blackface" for the amusement of Middle America, but homophobes will believe what they believe regardless and laughter can go a long way towards acceptance.

HOWEVER, if you call yourself a "gay channel," explicitly trying to be all things to all people and represent the whole of the gay experience (despite the fact that you can't and can't be blamed for being unable to), then simply getting rid of any hint of gay sexuality is downright sinful, especially since, protestations to the contrary, it is under pressure from conservative economic and cultural forces. While you can't, and don't have to, have non-stop porn, to simply dismiss sexual content is the worst form of caving in the face of opposition. Sexuality is a huge part of human life. Homosexuals are every bit as human as heterosexuals (and does any channel shy away from hetersexuality???). What Logo is doing, then, is nothing less than denying our humanity.

For shame, Logo, for shame!!!

Oh My God!!!!

I've been linked to by the respectable and highly-acclaimed Bookninja for yesterday's gay penguin post! I feel like I've finally arrived in the blogosphere. Thanks, George!!!

Sorry, Cindy and Vince, but, now that I'm on the threshold of the big time, I have to dump your asses. Nothing personal, of course; you're simply no longer of use to me as I claw my way up the social order of the blogosphere! (I kid, I kid, I kid, guys! Or do I???? *dun dun DUN*)

Memes and Phantom Book Limbs

Scott McLemee, whose column Intellectual Affairs I always read with interest due to its easy erudition and humor, writes two things of interest today.

One is a lovely quip about those damn meme thingies: they "appeal to bloggers because [they have] “me” in it, twice." The second is a marvelous description of how inveterate bookworm, such as myself, feel upon selling or giving away a large number of books.

Such a purge feels good, once the initial hesitation is overcome. There is even a kind of giddiness, as the herd begins to thin. But afterwards, I always have pangs of regret. When you need it, a missing title is like a phantom limb. There’s a maddening and persistent itch you can no longer scratch.

Couldn't have said it better myself!

For All Single, Heterosexual Readers Who Need Dating Help

Here ya go. Geez, I never realized breeder dating was so complicated! For us sodomites, dating is much, much simpler. Basically, we say "Hello!" and get to the buttfucking. We just gots too many things to do to bother with silly things like "romance" or "names."

Repeat

I know I've blogged about that children's book about gay penguins before (it was an item from Towleroad, I remember), but I'm too lazy to go back and link to the original post (though you are welcome, nay, encouraged, to rustle through the archives), so I'll just link to this newer story.

(Via Bookslut)

Pledge

I like this kid's style! He has moxie! (A very nerdy kind of moxie, but moxie all the same!) Kudos to the mother, too, for being so cool and sticking up for him.

(Via Phayrngula)

Biology Is Fascinating!

Biology's an interesting field. Life is just so varied and, well, downright weird! The following three items all come via via the wonderfully-named Pharyngula, the blog of a biologist/anti-creationist. Simply fascinating!

- Did you know that there is actually a poisonous primate (biochemically, not spiritually, as some humans are)? But it's so cute, you say! Well, you're right, but it's got big-ass fangs and secretes a nasty toxin from glands at its elbows! (It slathers the toxin onto its teeth).

Speaking of cuteness, while cooing at the lorises, take a look at "Venomdoc." He's a total hottie!

- Yeast seems to have developed alcoholism some 80 million years ago. See, people, it wasn't the Irish!!!

- Want to know the hot new destination for androphobic lesbians? The Island of the Amazon Insects.

God, I'm Lazy!

This kid's twenty, already a porn veteran, and now a budding mogul. What the fuck is wrong with me, people?!?!? Why aren't I a porn mogul???

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)

The Lesbian Muse

A new poem by Sappho, discovered on the wrappings of an ancient mummy, was published yesterday. I'm inordinately excited about it and can't wait to read it. If you've never read Sappho, you should go out and a get a copy of her poems. Though most of what we have of her work is little more than fragments, it's still some of the most beautiful poetry you'll ever read. Its very fragmentary nature makes it all the more evocative and captivating.

(Via Bookslut)

As I Always Say...

...to my imaginary Victorian sex partners: "Redouble the active energy of your thrusts, lest I die from my own inflamed appetites!"

(Via The Unsinkable Cindy Best)

Job Hunt

Still no job. Got a letter yesterday telling me I didn't get that job I didn't want. That's great since, well, I didn't want the job. Still, rejection is never fun, exactly.

I'm really interested in the rare books trade. (Though, oddly enough, I've never been to a store.) I've been emailing a few places in my area asking if they need any help, but no nibbles thus far. If anyone out there knows anything about antiquarian bookselling (especially how to get a job in it), please let me know. It'd be greatly appreciated!

A Public Service

Homosexual gambling addicts have been an underserved sub-sub-culture... until now!!! Get your Gay Pride odds, boys!

(Via Gawker)

Let's Party!

Faggoty-Ass Faggot instructs us on how to have an absolutely divine Kraft products soiree. They're going to be all the rage, so make sure you have yours soon, so you can say you got in on the trend before it was trendy!

One Ring To Rule Them All, And In the Darkness Bind Them

Tremble before the
Eye of Sauron!!!

Another Batch of Bagatelles

All kinds of random links and notes tonight. Enjoy!

**************************

The ever-helpful and supportive Cindy (aka The Unsinkable Cindy Best; aka The Notorious C.A.B.) sent this link to an artist who makes book furniture. Tres chic!
_________________________

Faggoty-Ass Faggot investigates the depths of nerdiness at Microsoft.
_________________________

Begosh and Begorrah! No wonder the Irish drink; school fairly forces them to!

(Via Inside Higher Ed)
_________________________

It may be a few shades less "subtle" than yesterday's underwear, but it's even hotter, I say. DAMN!!!

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)
_________________________

Iris Chang, who I've written about before, is getting a statue.

(Via Bookslut)
_________________________

Who knew middle-aged Russian bankers could have such street cred?
_________________________

I'm only vaguely aware of who Derek Jeter is (and only because he dated Mariah Carey's crazy ass) and have never seen or hear of the other guy in my life, but this picture gives me dirty, dirty thoughts.

(Via Gawker)

They Blinded Me With (Bad) Science!

These came from an email I got. Supposedly, these are the answers kids gave to some science questions. I have my doubts. They seem way too smart (or at least smart-ass), in a weird way, to be true. They're funny, though.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

I'm Partial to Sloth Myself

Some think it's time my homosexual brethren and sistren branched out from just celebrating Pride and move on to some other sins. Like we need any help in sinning. I mean, we're going to be thrust into the burning pit to suffer an eternity of torment for our sodomitic ways anyway, so who cares?

(Via Gawker)

In other gay news, not only are we sinful, but we're also totally subtle! But what about guys who curve the other way, as pointed out by the readers of Towleroad? And what about guys like me who go straight up? Will someone please think of the right- and non-curved dicks!!!

(Via Towleroad)

The Textbooks! Will SOMEONE Think of the Textbooks!

Surprisingly, state bureaucracies don't seem to go for high-quality textbooks. Frankly, the textbooks they pick suck. And, since the big states of Texas, Florida, and California use a system of statewide adoption, that means everyone's textbooks suck. As a textbook fetishist, and a citizen generally interested in quality education, the current state of affairs offends and worries me. Action must be taken! Anyone up for it? I'm kinda busy sleeping and blogging.

(Via Bookninja)

German Words

Ran across this slightly outdated BBC article on the search for "the most beautiful German word." The entry I particularly like is Ohrwurm (English: "earworm"), which is German for a song you just can't get out of your head. (I'm particularly prone to this maddening and insidious parasite; part of my OCD, I think.) Gotta love those Germans; they have a word for everything it seems!

Unfortunately, my pick didn't even get into the top five. In fifth place was Rhabarbermarmelade (rhubarb marmelade). Fourth place went to Augenblick (a moment; literally "a blink of the eyes). In third place was lieben (to love), which is quite predictable, I guess. Second place went to Geborgenheit (security or shelter). And the word voted the most beautiful in the German language: Habseligkeiten (belongings or possessions, especially of a humble or poor nature). Not a terribly beautiful list, IMHO. Frankly, it's a bit uninspiring. But I wasn't on the panel of judges, so I guess what I think really doesn't matter. Still, don't judge German by these words; there are lots of much more fun and interesting German words out there!

(Via We, Like Sheep)

Teleportation Would Just Be So Convenient At Times Like This

A mixture of indignation and horror overtook me upon reading that a London library threw a mound of books into the garbage. It was "How dare they!" and "Get the smelling salts! I have the vapors!" in one. I repeat: a LIBRARY threw away books! An institution that is almost by definition supposed to collect and preserve old texts just dumps them in the skip (or "dumpster" to us Yanks). Thankfully, my spiritual brethren and sistren did a little diving and salvaged a lot of it. One book was worth eighty pounds, which with the weakness of the dollar is like $1,200,000 or something. *sigh* What hope is there for Western civilization when even the Brits are becoming throw-away-ers?

(Via Bookninja)

New Blog List

I've recently added quite a few blogs to my bookmarks, so I thought I'd share some.

circleinasquare is the blog of a "neighbor" (in a sort of regional/metropolitan way) of mine in Philadelphia. He's a hot bear-ish type who definitely doesn't update enough.

Did we do anything important today? is the blog of a communications adjunct professor. I just love the name of the blog; it's a question I heard many a time in my school career and always thought was kinda annoying, even as a student (though I suppose I must have asked a teacher something similar at points).

Lucas Blog is the blog of gay pornographer and enfant terrible Michael Lucas. I have my doubts as to whether or not he actually writes it, but it's still amusing and brusquely honest. (And his dog, Bianca, is absolutely beautiful! Prettier than her owner, IMHO.)

Shoot Me Now is the blog of a gay man now living in LA. I don't know why, really, I read it because I don't really like the author and kinda think he's a dick. He also can't seem to capitalize and format correctly, which gets really annoying. But it's compelling, somehow.

We, Like Sheep is the wonderful blog of an Episcopalian, neurotic gay New Yorker that I quite literally just finished reading (I go through the full archives of new blogs when I find them). His neurotic nature and love of linguistics makes me feel spiritually connected to him.

Wormtalk and Slugspeak is the blog of an English professor specializing in Old and Middle English, medieval literature, and sci-fi/fantasy (particularly Tolkien). Just really smart and interesting.

I like to think I have some taste, so I hope you enjoy them.

I'm Rather Disappointed In Myself

Since I go on and on and on about being a "word nerd," I should have 100% in every category! I have failed you, dear readers! I must now commit seppuku to restore the honor of the blogosphere...

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100%

Punctuation: 100%

Spelling: 80%

Vocabulary: 80%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

GM

You know those GM commercials with the kids of various ages talking about near-crashes and how great OnStar is and stuff? I hate those! They're so emotionally manipulative! They're basically saying, "Get a GM car or YOUR CHILDREN WILL DIE!" I mean, I know emotional appeals are one of the pillars upon which advertising is based, but this campaign is just so blatant and over-the-top. Makes me want to buy a Toyota just to spite them, despite the fact that I come from a "only buy American cars" family that usually goes for GM models. It's like with those "Truth" commercials; despite the fact that I've never smoke and and never will, those stupid ads make me just want to go to "Truth" headquarters and start lighting up! "Take that, Truth people!!! Your anti-smoking campaign made me start smoking! How 'bout them irony-filled apples, bitches?!?"

Ready Or Not...

I got my actual diploma and complimentary transcript (ain't they just the most generous college ever!) this week. It made it really sink in that I'm graduated. Everyone in my family said the same thing, "You're in the real world now." My father added, "Get a job." All of it was said with good-humor and levity, but their words are true, too. Are you ready, world, for Frank McCormick?!?!?

Did Anyone Else Just Hear The World's Bookshelves Collectively Groan?

This is too many books, even for me!!! Where on earth would you PUT them all?!? And, from a literary view (though I guess it could be different if you were a collector or fetishist or something), why bother to spend all that money for the whole collection when it would be cheaper and easier to just buy the books you want?

(Via Gawker)

Blasphemous Pudendas and Sexually-Divided Crabs

Holy Buddha! The Virgin's vagina! I'm sure it's "immaculately" clean! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
______________________________

I may be a crab, sir. I may be a "bilateral gynandromorph," sir. But I'm still more man than you'll ever be and more woman than any you'll ever get!

(Via Towleroad)

Sex & The Shower

Some guys don't like it when they see sex in the locker room or showers of their gym. "Boo-hoo!" I say. I bet it's mostly straight men who complain because they don't want to look at the "gay shit." If it were lesbianism in the ladies' locker room, they'd be all trying to sneak a peak, like in Porky's, but since it's two guys it "infringes on their rights." Homophobia, pure and simple! I'm ashamed that some gay men, like Mr. Zeigler from the article, would go along with this mindset! Get over it!

Also, as some Towleroad readers commented, this is news? Locker room sex isn't some strange twenty-first century technology Silicon Valley just churned out. Way to be ahead of the curve, NYT editors!

(Via Towleroad)

My Worst Fears Are Confirmed!

The bookstore clerks are judging me!!! I have to admit, I always get a little flutter in my stomach when I go up to the register with a copy of "Men" magazine or something like that. Nothing's ever happened, and God knows I'm not ashamed of my homosexuality, but... I just feel weird. And even when it's not porn, I often wonder what they think when I come up with the sometimes strange and eclectic selection of books I buy. Sometimes I think they don't give a flying fuck and sometimes I think they must think I'm a freak. Now I know it's probably the latter! Oh, joy! Now I can be even more self-conscious than I already am!!!

(Via Maud Newton)

Anyone Need A Sugardaddy

A gym manager in Boise just came into a whole lot of sugar just waiting to be spent on a pretty young thing! Rich, fit, level-headed, and intelligent? I'd be his houseboy in a second! Unfortunately, he lives in Idaho. I'm just not an outdoorsy kind of guy and what else is there to do in Idaho except be outdoorsy and grow potatoes???

(Via Gawker)

Sauna

The South has the reputation as the hot and sultry part of the country (with good reason, judging by my visits to Florida), but I don't think even the bayou has anything on the Mid-Atlantic this time of year! The heat... the humity... it's a natural sauna! (How we haven't attracted a bigger Finnish population, I don't know!) And it's not even technically summer yet! Luckily, tomorrow and the weekend are supposed to see cooler temperatures. Still, it's only the beginning. True summer is a bitch in these parts. (We have a beautiful fall, though. That's my favorite time of year.)

On days such as the past few, the mind boggles as to how our ancestors lived for millions of years without air conditioning. The very thought of it makes me wilt.

Cor Blimey!

Some English schoolchildren were taught the wrong things. Man, that sucks! As a product of twelve years of standardized testing, I can only wince in sympathy to my younger English compatriots. And I'm sure the 24 hour cram session was really, really fun for the kids! I can just picture the scene: "Students, your teachers and administrators are bloody dumbarses who didn't teach you the right books. Don't worry, though, because you have a whole one day to study what you should have already been taught!" I'm sure the response was something other than "Cheers, guv'ner!"

(Via Bookninja)

P.S. I want to send a big ole "Get well soon!" to George, the Original Ninja (and occasional reader of this here blog), currently felled by "colds and flus... in a two week span of unbearable heat." Stay strong, my Canuck brother!

Non-Bookish Bagatelles

The Faggoty-Ass Faggot recounts his greatest Pride (or Monday-after-Pride) story, which just happens to involve network TV history.
____________________________

Gawker gets in on the word nerd thing. So which paper got the commas right? I think the Daily News' headline looks better typographically, but I think the Post's might be more correct. Any opinions?
____________________________

Those crazy Canadians! What will they do next? Don't they know they'll die in hellfire and brimstone for the sins of humor and tolerance, while the good Christian USA, stuffy and bigoted, will be rewarded in Heaven???

Bookish Bagatelles

It's rather heartening to know that you can be fondly remembered for your sheer awfulness and lack of talent.

An update on that Harry Potter theft/shooting thingie from a few weeks ago: they've appeared in court and have been set free on bail. More importantly, one of the accused is as yummy as a plate of scones!!! Fancy a game of quidditch, Mr. Lambert?

(Via Bookninja)

University presses are struggling to survive now that the scholarly monograph market is in decline. Relatedly, the college textbook industry is seeing slow growth. Gee, I wonder why! I mean, who wouldn't want at least ten copies of The Sociological Importance of Table Salt in Late Eighteenth-Century Dutch Colonial Literature? And who wouldn't like to pay $300.00 for a Macroeconomics package containing a paperback textbook and twenty supplements you'll never even look at? I just don't understand it! (I sarcasticize [is there a noun form of sarcasm???] because I love. I love obscure treatises; I have a positive fetish for textbooks, as I've written before. That doesn't mean I can't see the foibles and absurdities of their attendant industries.)

(Via Bookslut)

Memes

If you read more than one or two blogs, you'll have undoubtedly come across these "meme" things. They're sort of like chain-letters in that you get "tagged" to do by other bloggers. The ones I've seen have been mostly lists of questions ("What was the last book you read?" or some such). Dr. M's got a fun one involving shameful haircuts from the past.

The funny haircut one aside, however, I don't much care for "memes." I find them annoying as all heck. The name "meme" (a linguistics term) itself puts my back up; it just seems so pretentious. And they're really not all that interesting, in my opinion. Therefore, if I ever get "tagged," I'm just going to ignore it. My blog's boring enough without subjecting you, dear readers, to my boring answers to boring questions.

Sex(uality)-Related Tidbits

This New York Times Magazine piece on gay romance books is all over the place (Gawker, Bookninja, Beatrice.com, and probably more besides). It's about time someone did it, I say.
___________________________

For the person who has everything (including, possibly, an STD, courtesy of your nasty ass)!

(Via Gawker)
___________________________

Ahhhh... What inspiring leaders the gay community has! Doesn't it make you proud?

(Via Towleroad; more Paris Pride at PerezHilton.com)

Font Dilemma

I have a bit of a font fetish (the name of a really cool site, BTW). I love playing around with them. Blogger doesn't give me much of a palatte to work with, but I try to mix things up. Should I, though? A lot of blogs stick with one font for posts. It makes for a more unified look. Toby, for instance, uses Trebuchet-small (if my eye is correct) for all of his posts. Should I move in the same direction and "settle down" with a font for posts? If so, what font? Or does it totally not matter? Please, if you have any opinion, let me know!

I Want You To Want Me

Being the attention whore in need of constant validation I am, I check my Site Meter summary about once every two minutes to see how many of you are reading and how long you stay on. I think something's wrong with the Site Meter algorithm, though, because despite the fact that, of late, a relatively small number of you have spent a relatively long time here, my "Average Visit Length" keeps going down. It's a mistake, obviously. It must be some kind of mistake.

Of course, it's not as if I'm at all desparate or anything. It's not as if all of my self-esteem were bound up in how many people like my blog (and, by extension, me). I mean, how silly would that be?!?!? I'd certainly never buy into so shallow and arbitrary a measure of self-worth. Most certainly not...

Parnassus Lies Sere and Fallow

I used to do a lot of creative writing. None of it was terribly good, but I enjoyed doing it. And, of course, it let me daydream about someday being an acclaimed author or poet.

Over the past year, however, I've hardly written anything. I thought it was the stress of a senior year of college, but that's over now and I'm still not writing. Maybe it's my typical laziness, but I've always been lazy and it never hindered me before. I still get ideas (though not as many as in former times), but the ideas never seem to make it down on paper. It's all very odd and I don't know how to correct it. The spark is simply not there; my Muse has packed up and left, no note or anything! Inconsiderate bitch...

Joe & Bill

I just found Joe. My. God. What an absolutely amazing blog! Joe's not just a pretty face; the man can write! He puts me to shame, quite frankly. And his stories! What stories he tells...

Another great new blog I found is Bill In Exile. It's the Web's only epistolary blog between two friends, one of whom is in prison for meth dealing. (To my knowledge, anyway. Maybe there are tons of them I don't know about.) It, too, is a very well-written blog, by turns heartbreaking and funny.

Oy Vey!

A nice Jewish boy. Isn't he nerdily yummy?



(Via Maud Newton)

A Great Idea!

Author Bill Bryson is giving a free copy of his book A Short History of Nearly Everything to British secondary school students. It's a bloody brilliant idea! If you haven't read it, ASHofNE is a funny, accessible, well-written, and educational complete-science-education-in-a-hardcover. Highly recommended!

(Via Maud Newton. Or Bookslut. Or Bookninja. I can't frickin' remember, actually.)

In the Name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Pun

Seen on one of those boards outside of a church that announces events and gives words of inspiration and crap:

Charity Car Wash Saturday at 2

"Let Us Spray!"

Biting Humor

Something Awful moseys down Cyberspaceville's Memory Lane to look at the Internet in 1995.

*************************

This photo montage of a Star Wars convention inspires a curious mixture of pity and schadenfreude. You can't help but laugh, but a kind of laughter that makes you sad inside.

(Via SciFiDaily)

Ads Gone Mad!

Is nothing sacred? Not even textbooks?

(Via Maud Newton)

Harry Strikes Again!

First, gunfights and illegal betting. Now, diplomatic incidents! Harry's having a nasty puberty, isn't he? I only hope we can all survive until his hormones stabilize!

(Via Bookslut)

Bagatelles

Which Of The Greek Gods Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

How cool! I thought I was going to get boring old Apollo or something. It's so appropriate, too, that I'd get the god of dreams: all I do is sleep! *LOL*

(Via Hilaritas)

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A comic strip about unicellular organisms in a pond? Genius! Very amusing, too.

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I'm vaguely obsessed with Toby's new sidebar photo. I know it's probably just a bad photo from his trip to Mexico, but it has a brooding, artistic feel to it, too. It's like he's giving us the outlines of himself, but leaving us to fill in the details. Or something. I don't know, I guess I miss literary interpretation, so I'm grasping at straws!

Academic Glory Holes

In today's blog entry, The Phantom Professor talks about glory holes.

A glory hole, boys and girls, is an opening in a wall (usually that between two bathroom stalls) that allows two nice men, who love each other very much, to engage in anonymous, semi-public oral sex. Some guys really get off on it. I don't think it's really my thing, though. I haven't really found any, however, or had the gumption to go to a place I know has them and try it out, so who knows! I might be a natural.

If you're curious, dear reader, you can go here to find the nearest hole near you. Happy hunting!

Twenty Dollars?!?!?

For a frickin' pencil?!?!? Holy Buddha!

Disagree with Maud about the Moleskines, though. Those babies are worth every penny!

(Via Maud Newton)

That Ain't No Wand, Harry!

Apparantly, people are shooting at each other over the new Harry Potter book. There also seems to be espionage and illegal betting practices afoot. I smell the work of Lord Voldemort! *groan at my own inane joke*

(Via Bookslut)

More Quizzes Than An Eighth-Grade History Class!

Oscar Wilde: The Picture of Dorian Gray. You are a
horror novel from the world of dandies, rich
pretty boys, art and aesthetics, and
intellectual debates between ethical people and
decadent pleasure-seekers. You value beauty and
pleasure but realize their dangers, as well.

Which literature classic are you?
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My pirate name is:

Dirty Jack Kidd

You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

My crappy little elf name is Brookbank Forestwick.
What's yours?
Powered by Rum and Monkey.

My very British name is Terrance Chamberlain.
Take The Very British Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My God-damned hippie name is Frolic Brodderick.
Take The Damned Hippie Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My ultra sexy ethnic stud-muffin name is Francisco Macho.
Take The Ethnic Stud Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Sorry, but this one's going to be a bit of a downer!

I never attempted or even seriously thought about suicide. Unfortunately, a lot of young gays do attempt it. Many succeed. Thankfully, Jake survived and bravely recounts his suicide attempt here and here. It's actually very uplifting and inspirational, I think.

Bulges, Bulges, Bulges!

(Via Fleshbot)

Philoprogentitive

phil·o·pro·gen·i·tive (fl-pr-jn-tv) adj.

1. Producing many offspring; prolific.
2. Loving one's offspring or children in general.
3. Of or relating to love of children.

I never ran across the word "philoprogentitive" in my life. But in less than a week, I have seen it used THREE times by THREE different people! Crazy.

(Definition from Dictionary.com)

How Very Appropriate

King Edward II
(1307-1327)

You are a notorious homosexual who squanders
every penny on lavish parties, dancing boys,
new clothes and gifts for your cutest male
friends. The Lords forced you to exile your
boyfriend to France, but you worried he was
having too much of a good time so you called
him home. You've had to fight a couple of
battles, but saddles make you sore and mud is
just sooo hard to get out of velvet!
Your enemies had you locked up in a dark
prison, but just as you were about to start
indulging your boys in prison fantasy with that
hunky warder - they had you assassinated by
shoving a giant red-hot poker up your rectum.
Bummer.

Which old Queen are you?
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Chipmunk

So I went to on a job interview this morning. It went well, I guess. Not really much to tell; it was all pretty standard stuff. The highlight, however, occurred while I was waiting in the lobby. I looked out the window to find a chipmunk sitting right there! It was adorable! I don't think I'd ever seen a real, live chipmunk before. It was enchanting. And it looked right back at me through the window! I like to think it was wishing me luck.

Hollywood Sucks

So, somehow, I don't think this Onion editorial is that far from that which it parodies. Scary.

(Via Bookninja)

Deep Throat

Towleroad finds the gay angle to the Deep Throat revelation. (Besides tired oral sex gags, of course. *beat* Get it? GAGS! *LOL* I'm a comic genius, folks!)

How... English!

Even while estranged from one another and engaged in public sibling rivalry, the Hitchens brothers (the droll, infamous, supposedly-drunken Christopher and the lesser-known-in-America Peter) are incredibly erudite. It's damn scary, really!

(Via Bookninja)