Now Entering The Terrible Twos

On a quiet New Year's Eve two years ago today, Bourgeois Nerd unobtrusively exnihiliated into being in cyberspace. A couple of years later, who would have ever thought it'd still be around?!? I'm glad it is, though.

Doing this is a real pleasure for me: it lets me vent and express myself in a way that would be impossible otherwise. But what I really want to do is thank you, dear readers, for making Bourgeois Nerd the C-List blog it is today! Without you kind people, I'd just be talking to myself here and that'd just be really sad. So, tonight, while you guzzle down the champagne and blow your whistles, raise a glass to yourself.

Me? I'll be lame as always, watching the ball drop in Times Square from the comfort of my family room and probably working on new posts for your enjoyment. Cheers!

Cyber Addictions

Some people just can't get e-nough!

I'm very aware of my Internet addictions. I check my email and blogs constantly. I'm always on my Site Meter. And I can click the "Random Page" link on Wikipedia for hours at a time. But I can stop at any time! Really!

I'm Sure The Germans Already Have A Word For It

Potentially useful neologism: Google-thwart.

(Via Books, Inq.)

Lazy Schmazy

One has to say this for us lazies: when we need to, we sure can book it! Right on, my slothful mammalian sister!

You May Bow And Scrape Now

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: His Exalted Highness Duke Frank the Indecisive of Tempting St Mary Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Emperor Frank the Winsome of Much Leering Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: The Right Reverend Frank the Decent of Longer Interval Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

(Via Pharyngula)

Eye Color

The genetics of eye color is a lot more complicated than is often taught.

Keats Thinks...

...we're all little bits of God. Sometimes, in my more mystical moments, that's what I think, too.

Keats is my favorite "Big" Romantic, BTW. Byron's too much of a Personality, Shelley a little too posh, Coleridge too... something (I don't know what), and Blake too freakin' weird.

It's All Connected

It's all so postmodern: Foucault, department stores, and YouTube.

(Via Maud Newton)

Someday!

Someday, I'll be on The American Heritage Dictionary Usage Panel and show them all!!! *MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!*

(Via Maud Newton)

For Gunn

Pursuant to the question in your latest comment, I present the Cute Overload Glossary. As I suspected, "prosh" is short for "precious." It's always nice to be proven right!

What A Deliciously Macabre Historical Event!

The Cadaver Synod

(Via Cute Overload of all places!)

After Christmas

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and got everything they wanted from Santa. I did well, myself. Nice, quiet day with family.

If you're back at work, condolences. But there's New Year's and the blog birthday to look forward to!

Merry Christmas To All!

Don Thee Now Our Gay Apparel...

And so on...

Our Inner Twelve Year-Old Emma Bovarys Have A Lot To Answer For!

The dangers of romanticism.

(Via We, Like Sheep)

I'm Too Nice, Damnit!

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list. You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year. Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good. Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

(Via Professorial Confessions)

Christmas Eve

If you're already sick of the caroling and eggnog and cards and such by now, here's a Christmas-related article to cleanse the palate: Christmas science.

Proud To Be Behind The Times

I'm with Frank and Maxine: you aren't going to see my mug or my dulcet tones plastered all over the blogosphere any time soon, I can assure. It's great for people who want to/can, and can be done really well, but it's not for me. I much prefer the "written" word.

Go Green By Going Yellow!

Recycle your urine.

Thinking Of Flying Off To Russia?

Don't. The airports are crap, apparently.

(Via We, Like Sheep)

This Will Only Mean Anything To My Gay Readers

Is it just me, or do you look at the pictures on Big Muscle just as much to see the captions the guys put on them than to ogle the pictures themselves?

Google Doodles

You know on special occasions those customized Google logos? Well, here's the guy who does them and an archive of the ones they've done. Very cool.

(Via Petrona, via Books, Inq.)

Extreme, Man!

Little fish survive hot water, sulfuric acid, quite contentedly. The more we discover about the ways and places life thrives, the less surprising it seems. Life's one determined and inventive little bugger!

Don't Read That!

If you're headed out to the bookstore in the near future, some tips on what to avoid.

There's only one tip I disagree with: "Any history that contains, before the text, more than four pages of maps." Maybe it's just me and my mapophilia, but I say the more maps the better! And genealogical charts, too, please!

(Via Smart Bitches)

The Virgin...

...Flora? A lizard Christmas miracle birth? Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?

(Via Defamer)

It's Hard Out There...

for a working pug!

(Via Cute Overload)

Ideal Weight And BMI

Anyone know a good way to calculate what one's ideal weight would be? How about this Body Mass Index thing I'm always hearing about? I mean, Google will give you all sorts of calculators, but there seems to be some controversy over what the best indices are and I was wondering if anyone had an opinion. Scott?

Create A Word!

Are you ready to get a Verbotomy? It won't hurt a bit and you'll still have all of your brain when you're done!

(Via Books, Inq.)

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

Not that I don't deserve it, but I totally didn't expect to be named Time's Person of the Year! I'm just incredibly honored and hope I can live up to the title!

*end sarcasm* Seriously, people, this has to be the stupidest thing a magazine has ever done. They totally just said, "We don't feel like doing any work this year, so just slap some silver on the cover and appeal to good old American narcissism!" Piffle, I say, piffle!

(Originally via The Fagat Guide)

Huh?

13 Things That Do Not Make Sense

(Via Books, Inq.)

Nemesis

Another reason why I'm glad I decided against grad school. Though I would have liked to have gotten a chance to do some of these things.

(Second link from comment.)

RIP

The Chinese River Dolphin is presumed extinct.

America

One Brit's explanation of why he loves America is, much more eruditely and concisely, pretty much why I love America, too. As awful as America often is and has been in the past, and as many crimes and bungles and stupidities it commits, we always want to be what we've told ourselves we should be. As one commenter to that post says, we're adolescents, with all the problems that implies. We can be cocky, unthinking, cruel, and bullying. But we can also be hopelessly energetic and idealistic and

(Via Books, Inq.)

Can We Do Nothing Right?

As much (or as little) as we try to reverse, or at least ameliorate, our environmental disruption, we just don't seem to get things right. It makes sense, I guess; it's much easier to break something than to fix it. Still, it's all rather discouraging.

Pimping

I've been asked to help pimp the 100th chapter of Tony Hayden MEality. Tony is a guy from Orlando, Florida who has, over the past two years, documented and shared his life with the world via his video blog (or "vlog"). It's an adorable, funny, often poignant look at a hot man and his adorable dog. Check it out.

Sexy (?) Geeks

Now, I find nerds/geeks very attractive. The women on this poll of Sexy Geeks are definitely attractive (and I bet they like SF, too!) The men on the list, however, are a little... lacking, shall we say. The only one I find hot is Ben Brown. He's rocking the 70s clone look, I think.

(Via Bad Astronomy Blog)

I'm CRAZY, Y'all!

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

(Via The Little Professor)

Why Nerds Are Unpopular

I am a nerd. I'm quite proud of this fact. I embrace and revel in it. But I didn't always. Between, say kindergarten and maybe sophomore year of high school, being a nerd really hurt. I had no real friends; I felt alone and under siege. Every day of school was a social obstacle course. The ultimate goal? Not being picked on or taunted that day. Because nerds aren't popular and the unpopular are nothing but prey in school. The whole gay thing didn't help things, either. All of this "flowered" into full-on depression by my junior year of high school.

But why? Why are nerds so unpopular? Why is high school just such a hell in general? The answer. The writer is pretty much spot on in his assessment and raises some really thought-provoking points about the root causes of the hell that is adolescence. You really should read it; it puts all of your childhood and adolescence pain into articulate expression.

(Via Pharyngula comment)

It's A Bird! It's A Plane!

It's a Jurassic mammal!

Amp'd Mobile Commercial

You know that commercial for the "hep," "cool," and "edgily apostophred" Amp'd Mobile, the one where a father sends his reluctant son off to do an extreme sports bike trick on a ramp, only to have the kid fall off the ramp halfway while fireworks flare? Who is that guy who plays the father? He looks soooo familiar, but I can't come up with from where.

The English Are Just So Much More CIVILIZED!

Instead of boinking little boys, all this English clergyman did was get wasted at the Irish embassy's Christmas party (can you imagine the booze?!?) and forget his stuff in a stranger's car! Much more wholesome.

Hubba Hubba (Slightly NSFW)

(Via The Pretty Boys Club; via Bill in Exile)

Cats, Cats, Cats

My cat hates you. No, I don't actually have a cat (I'm more of a dog guy, anyway), but if I did have one, I'm sure he would hate you.

Speaking of cats: Men and Cats.

(Via Nimue)

All Those Who've "Lost" Things...

...can sympathize with this poor man.

(Via Bookninja)

You Are Getting Very Sleepy...

Cute Things Falling Asleep

(Via Defamer)

Jokes

Reaching the end of a job...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for.

"In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

"Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?"

"Wow! Are you kidding?"

"Yeah, but you started it."

Technology-Enabled Amoebas

How do amoebas keep in touch?

With cell phones.


Electricity Mathematics

Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb into a socket?

A: One -- because men will screw anything.

	What's green and smells like ...
	What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Secrets

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?

Snuffy's Suicide Attempts

Poor baby, life is rough for you, huh? No one seems to see you, no one notices your pain--except for your friend Big Bird, but he's alway off hanging out with his other friends. You wish you were him, all happy and curious and popular and bright yellow. You feel like his shadow anymore, like the only reason you exist is to amuse him. It's hard being somebody's imaginary friend. But stop trying to kill yourself--imaginary people can't kill themselves. Sorry. And hey, maybe tomorrow you'll feel better! Someday people will see you, I promise.

Take this quiz!

(Via KulturFluff)

Brilliant!

Who links here? These guys! Looks like I have some adding to do to the links list...

(Via Nimue)

Words Fail (Slightly NSFW)

You just have to guffaw and goggle at this ad. I mean, WTF?!?

Lawyers Are Cheap Bastards

lawyer's treat

A phrase implying that each shall pay for his own drinks. A lawyer never treates his clients at a refreshment bar--they "defray the cost" between them.

--Trench Johnson's Phrases and Names: Their Origins and Meanings, 1906

(Via Forgotten English Page-A-Day Calendar by Jeffrey Kacirk)

20 Days Until...

...my blog birthday! Yep, Bourgeois Nerd enters the terrible twos this December 31st. Should I do anything special, do you think?

Do You WANT Me To Seduce You?

(Via Daily Hysteric, via Nimue)

All Is Words

If you're a word nerd with a few extra dollars, why not consider a subscription to The Vocabula Review? It's firmly prescriptivist (*boo, hiss*), but looks rather amusing. Unfortunately, I'm poor and therefore can't dole out the money necessary to read the thing entire, but if you have $25 lying about, go on and treat yourself.

(Via Books, Inq.)

Lists, Lists, Lists

2006 is a-closin', so we're inundated with lists for best this, worst that, etc. Frankly, most of them are uninteresting. But the bitchy ones are always worthwhile (or so says my cold, bile-filled heart), so I present The Worst Book Covers of 2006.

(Via Books, Inq.)

It's IN, Damnit!

I'm a pretty laissez-faire kind of descriptivist. But Pyramus hits one of my few irrational linguistic hang-ups: you stand IN line, not ON line! I HATE "on line." Not only is it just a matter of euphony and, you know, making sense, it's also a matter of regional pride.

I live in South Jersey and we say "in line," like any normal person would, but North Jersey, with its NYC influence, says "on line." Since we think they're mobbed-up snobs and they think we're hicks, this little linguistic matter is one of many points of contention we find to snipe about. *hehehehehehe*

Guitar Or Orgasm?

You decide.

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)

"People Are Just Mean."

Yeah, Lindsay, pretty much. Also? They're dumb.

Women Aren't Funny...

...because they give birth! Or something. I'm not sure. Hitchens has a few good points (i.e. women don't have to be funny like most men feel they have to to get laid), but then goes off to... somewhere. Misogynyland, I think. Anyway, it's still worth a read, if only to get the old blood pressure up.

(Via Gawker)

Kids Today!

They just don't know comedy!

(Via Bookninja)

Humping Or Helping?

Is it just me, or does this video of a dog humping a cat's head kinda look like he's doing a weird Heimlich Maneuver? He's not humping it, he's saving its life! (BTW, I can only shudder at what sordid revenge that cat has since taken. Felines are cold, y'all.)

(Via Defamer)

Dog Food

(Via Gentleman's Canine Society; Cute Overload)

I Have A Problem...

I think I use "*LOL*" and "*hehehehe*" too much. Sometimes, my emails and comments on other blogs look like a teenager's giggle fit. But what is one supposed to do to indicate amusement while typing?!?!? It's hard to convey wry wit non-verbally.

MySpace

I'm not into the MySpace thing. I have nothing against anyone who is, since a lot of people seem to get enjoyment out of it, but I have enough rejection in my life without having to stare at a screen that tells me how many friends I [don't] have. Plus, I like being an "old-fashioned" "rebel"; I don't have any sort of IM program, for instance, and refuse to get one. If you want to talk to me, you'll just have to type out an email! I'm old-school like that.

Anyway, what really turns me off is the layout of those MySpace pages. Gah! You'd think that with all that Murdoch money, they could come up with some less eye-bleed-inducing templates, but I've yet to find one that is true a) readable and b) aesthetically pleasing.

I Think It Was "Phlegmatic" That Tripped Me Up

Your Vocabulary Score: A-

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

(Via Books, Inq.)

Exercise

I'm not a gym person. I'm not an exercise person. I'm not a sweat person. Partly it's because I'm, constitutionally, a lazy motherf*#%er. Partly it's because I'm "of the mind" more than "of the body" (aren't I just the fancypants snob?). And partly it's the fact that being an unpopular and unathletic nerd in gym class for twelve years has scarred me for life and ingrained a bone-deep aversion to physical activity.

Unfortunately, however, I'm not one of those genetic freaks blessed with the ability to do a push up every third year and still have a smoking body. So, though it somehow seems ironic to ask this on a blog (which isn't the world's most physical medium), I was wondering if you, fair readers, had any exercise regimens you wouldn't mind sharing, preferably those not involving a lot of (or, preferably, any) equipment. Something simple, with a good chance of being sticked with for a while, would be ideal. My fitness goals are rather modest: to combat a flabby chest (I'm dangerously close to developing man boobs, though ones barely requiring even a training bra), a bulging stomach, and thin arms. My ass and legs are pretty good, actually, but I don't want to neglect them, either.

Really, I just want everything to "work" together better, be more proportional and aesthetically-pleasing. Due to genetics, diet, and a lack of will to dedicate to the really strenuous working-out necessary, I will never have the sculpted body of a real Gay, or even the manly solidness of a bear, but I can improve. Advise, please!

Help A Fella Out

Vince needs help with his new crush: gay or straight?

I'm Sooooo Un-American

I've never been much of a fan of Norman Rockwell. Too schmaltzy for my tastes. But he certainly has his fans.

Is It Weird That I Kinda Want To Watch Them?

The Ten Least Successful Christmas Specials of All Time

(Via Books, Inq.; via Brian Appleyard)