Olfactory Delights

Some of my favorite smells include sharpies, nail polish and its remover, and gasoline. (How I didn't become some sort of huffer, I'll never know!) On the more wholesome side, I love honeysuckle and cinnamon. My favorite scent of all, however, is the paper in Norton anthologies.

Most anyone who has ever had any sort of survey course in literature knows those collossal potpurris of canon known as Norton anthologies. (I, personally, adore anthologies of all strips. I just love being able to flip through and sample all kinds of literary output.) The paper they use for Nortons is creamy, smooth, and delightfully tactile. And the smell is... I don't know what it smells like, really, but it brings a smile to my face every time I breath it in. I'm most likely totally singular in my appreciation of this particular scent, but that's okay. It's all part of my charm!

I Feel Such A Fool!

About two hours ago, I somehow deleted all of my bookmarks! It's taken me all that time to reestablish everything. If I hadn't have had a slightly-out-of-date backup, who knows how long it would have taken!!! I'm paranoid that I didn't get everything; actually, I know I didn't. I just hope it wasn't anything important.

"The Thames"

This picture caught my eye while I was reading an art review. It's just so beautiful!


"The Thames" (1876) by James Tissot

Here's what Holland Cotter had to say about this picture in Friday's New York Times:

It depicts a man with two women of questionable respectability surveying the river from the deck of a boat, equipped with a picnic and Champagne. It is one of the few paintings in the show ["Monet's London: Artists' Reflections on the Thames, 1859-1914" at the Brooklyn Museum until Sept. 4.] that actually situate us on the Thames, at water level. It is also one of the few pictures in which people play a significant role, and fogs and mists almost none.

Here we see, without filters, hard details of an insalubrious city, its water and air colored the same greasy gray-brown. The wall of ships in the background makes the reality of British sea power, the strength of the empire, look at once commanding and ignoble, even brutal. The same description might apply to the man stretched out on the boat in the foreground, a representative of the new urban culture whose view of the world is self-confidently proprietary, the opposite of soft.

Run From the Hillbillies!

The Southern accent is getting bigger and bigger. The attitudes towards it, however, are still fairly negative, or at least condescending. As one who has an inexplicable drawl and throws out "y'alls" all over the place, I guess I'm part of the trend. I don't think it's anything to worry about, though. I like some Southern accents (the article really doesn't get into the fact that "The Southern Accent" is really a collection of different accents with similar features but are, nonetheless, distinct). To be frank, I find the "standard" Midwestern accent much more offensive than the Southern. And, while Northern in-migration may not eradicate the accent in any way (as the article states), it may very well change it in unexpected ways. That's just part of the glory of language!

Dirty These Are!

I suppose this sort of thing was inevitable. The weird thing is that the base is that of a toy I got in Disney World! It looks like they just replaced the plastic "lightsaber" with one of the latex variety.

Who knew porn stars were so lightsaber proficient?

Messin' with the Funk!

Apparently, I wasn't the only one concerned about the "funk"! I just heard what I suppose to be the new radio version, where "no, no, no, no, don't funk with my heart!" is replaced with "no, no, no, no, don't mess with my heart!" It doesn't have quite the same impact. And it's so obvious that the "mess" is dubbed over the original track. You can hear the difference in both the track sound and her voice! I want my funk back, damnit!!!

Strange Math

THIS is what they're teaching the kids today?!?!? "Instead of obsolete, irrelevant, 'two trains leave Chicago' problems, [Vermont math progressives] provided their dose of 'real world context' in a math portfolio exercise that begins, 'A community of gnomes in a magic forest is upset because their forest is being bulldozed for a shopping mall.'" Jesus Christ, and I thought I was gay! Damn hippies! However, I just can't resist pleading, "Please, will someone think of the gnomes!"

(Via The Irascible Professor)

You Call THAT a Superhero?

Some comic book illustrators just need to give up the dream and go into accounting. I mean, REALLY!

To Any New York Readers

Happy Fleet Week, you lucky bastards! Just want you to know that I hate all y'all bitches and hope you choke on some seamen! (And, yes, that was a very, very, very bad joke, but I cracked myself up, so shut up!!!)

Just to Be Fair to Our Prescriptivist Friends

I declared my descriptivist leanings and support of John August on Monday. But Pyramus, one of my language gurus, is of the prescriptivist persuasion. According to him, "John August may think that "prescriptivists are assholes", but he's the asshole: there's still a right and a wrong." I don't think he's wrong to point out that there is a right and a wrong; all but the most hippy-dippy descriptivists would agree that some words/phrases/constructions are better than others. It is simply that we believe that rules are dynamic, not set in stone. Language quality should be measured in clarity and understandability, not in conformity to some artificial, Platonic ideal. We see language as a living thing, not a graven image guarded by a bunch of self-appointed fuddy-duddy priests. Mr. P has a right to his opinion, though. Even if he is wrong... *hehehe*

English Literary Societies

If only we had a little more of this kind of fanaticism in the world! It'd be a much nicer (if nerdier) place.

(Via Bookninja)

FDA [Frank & Drug Administration] Warning!

Don't take Benadryl! It will knock you the fuck out!

The spring pollen is giving me a little trouble (damn plants and their reproductive vectors!), causing some minor stuffiness. To counteract this, I took two Benadryls last night at around 9 o'clock. Within an hour or two, I was feeling a bit groggy, so I went to bed at 1:30 A.M. instead of the 5:00 A.M. I've been falling asleep at. I slept for two hours, woke up at 3:30, laid awake for two hours, went back to sleep, and didn't get up until 4:30 (which is actually a little earlier than usual for me of late). I've spent the rest of the day feeling woozy and a little groggy, and not in a nice way. And the Benadryl didn't even really help with the stuffiness that much! I will never take Benadryl again!

Extra! Extra!

Frank McCormick, the "self-styled" Bourgeois Nerd is, according to "informed sources," a "flamboyant" "confirmed bachelor"!

Swimsuits

It's nearing swimsuit season. Are you ready? I'm not. I've got a heck of a beer gut for someone who doesn't drink alcohol! I haven't been in a swimsuit in I don't know how long, actually. And if this and this and this and this (which is doubly a shame because the model looks like he has a really beautiful face) is what male swimwear is like this season, I think I'll go even longer without wearing one! Thankfully, though, there's this and this and this to inspire me to get in swimsuit shape. Or maybe not; I'm just too lazy!

Whaaaaaaaaaaa???

I have no idea what to make of this essay connecting Star Wars, Buddhism, Christianity, and The Da Vinci Code to global capitalism. I don't even really understand it. All I know is you have to read it!

(Via Inside Higher Ed)

I know most Republicans are white, but...

must this Republican dating site look like a damn Aryan breeding program??? Mein Gott!

Shark Domino-Effect

Well, it seems blogging has "jumped the shark." Damn! And I just got the new template up and all!

Meanwhile, "jumping the shark" officially jumps the shark. (Thank you, Mr. Brian Oberkirch! I've always hated that phrase.)

(Via Bookslut via Blogebrity, which lists the A-, B-, and C-List bloggers. Shamefully, I'm nowhere to be found on any list! Perhaps I'll get on the W-List, right above one of those cat blogs.)

Play it again, Sami-Wan!

Fametracker asks, "What would the Billboard Country Music Top Ten Look Like Kenny Chesney Were Anakin Skywalker and Renée Zellweger Were Padmé Amidala?" My favorite? "You Had Me At 'I Will Not Condone A Course Of Action That Will Lead Us To War'" "Ready the Kleenex you should."

British Humor

I'm a big Anglophile; my favorite channel is BBC America. One of my favorite British television personalities is chef Gordon Ramsay. If you've never seen one of his shows, this satirical riff on his latest book should tell you all you need to know about why I love him. Believe me, the satire isn't that far off. Cheers, mate!

(Via Bookslut)

I'm Officially a Curmudgeon

'''You don't always get to read about teenagers,' she said." Thank heavens for that, I say! With some exceptions, most teenagers are either deadly dull, twits, or both. Not exactly the makings of gripping literature. And even when I was a teenager, I felt no need to spend my free time reading about fellow teenagers. I hated my peers and got quite enough of them at school.

What's wrong with these kids who want to read only contemporary literature because they can't relate to older stuff? I'm as against Moby Dick and Great Expectations as anyone, but that doesn't mean I want to read some YA crap that seem to be nothing more than attempts by the authors to see how fucked up/"multicultural" of a story they can create. ("Hey, I should write a novel about the plight of Native American migrant prostitute child-amputees! It'll be so educational!)

(Via Bookslut)

Such Language!

As you all know, I am a word nerd. But all word nerds are not alike. As in politics, you have your liberals and your conservatives. I'm a liberal. I'm against stupid, petty, arbitrary rules, such as "No split infinitives or you'll burn in hell for all eternity!" and "If you don't want your mother to die of a broken heart, don't end a sentence with a preposition!" because they're rules from Latin forced on a language (English) to which they do not naturally apply. This attitude to language is known as "descriptivism." This school believes that "good" language should reflect how people actually speak and write. In contrast, some fogeys (both old and young) believe that everyone should conform to certain stodgy, carved-in-stone, ivory tower, "why-can't-they-speak-the-Queen's-English?" rules. This is known as "prescriptivism." And let me tell you, the East Coast/West Coast rap feud ain't got nothin' on the descriptivist/prescriptivist one! We word nerds are vicious! To whit, this quote from John August, a screenwriter of the descriptivist (yeah!) persuasion:

Grammarians come in two flavors. A descriptivist studies the way people use a language, while a prescriptivist tries to lay down the rules of a language.

Prescriptivists are assholes. Ignore them.

Amen, brother!

(Via Languagehat, another bastion of sane descriptivism.)

I'm Mark Hamill! Kill Me Now!

Damn, I'm Luke! How boring! Personally, I've always seen myself as C-3PO, or, as one reviewer put it, "a gay, gold-plated Jeeves."

Speaking of Star Wars, I saw Revenge of the Sith today. I really have to see it again to formulate a firm opinion, but, overall, I quite enjoyed it. Hayden Christensen was better in the Darth Vader role than I'd anticipated, the effects were dazzling, and there were some really cool fight scenes. The destruction of the Jedi stands out as a surprisingly moving sequence. But my favorite scene is between Yoda and the Emperor (probably the best characters in the movie), who have a truly kick-ass interaction. Oh, and it's really, really, really freaky how much like Alec Guinness Ewan McGregor looks like in this movie.

The one truly discordant note was the whole "romance" between Anakin and Padme. Portman and Christensen have no chemistry whatsoever (because he's a big 'mo, Eva Longoria!) and their dialogue... oh, the dialogue! Their sweet nothings are simply groan-enducing. Poor Natalie Portman! She doesn't really have anything to do in this one other than speak the worst love-talk in cosmic history and be pregnant, so her performance isn't exactly scintillating. I don't blame her, either! Also, there weren't as much Wookiee as I'd have liked.

All in all, though, I think it easily surpassed the other two prequels (no real feat there, of course) and completed the story well. And to all the haters: fuck off! If nerds want to get all excited about a movie, let them! I think you look like much bigger fools running around trying to rain on everyone's parade than the people out in costumes have a grand old time.

Not-Quite-Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

As you may have noticed, Bourgeois Nerd has had some work done. Thanks and kudos to the delightful and delectable (not to mention stereophonic) Cindy for all of her hard work! It ain't easy dealing with me and my penchant for nitpicking, but she perservered. I'm very, very pleased with the way it turned out. I don't feel so generic and conformist, now. Hope everyone enjoys the new look as much as I do!

A Maudlin Literary Potpurri

This story is deeply, deeply disturbing to me because it could so easily be a vision of my distant future! Betrayed by his own mounds of books! It's really a shame. I hope he rests happily in bibliophile heaven!

The vagaries of literary obscurity are discussed here. To be forgotten is one of my greatest fears. Some cultures believed that it wasn't until you were no longer remembered that you actually died. That's the only thing about not having children that saddens/frightens me: there will be no one to remember me when I die.

A very nice rememberance of Iris Chang, the author of The Rape of Nanking. I still haven't gotten around to reading her work, but I always avidly watched any and all television appearances she made. She was a very interesting speaker. I remember last year thinking, "Wonder what Iris Chang is working on?" Not too long later, I heard that she had committed suicide. Very tragic.

(Via Bookslut, Bookninja, and Maud Newton)

I promise a more upbeat post later. Sorry if I depressed anyone!

No Clever Subject Line For This One, I'm Afraid!

Sometimes, being a nerd comes in handy. It can even save your life in a most humorous way!

Also, who knew penguins were so long-lived? And guess where I'll be heading the next time I'm in NYC?

(Via Bookslut and Maud Newton, respectively.)

Happy Star Wars Day!

The world premiere of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is upon us. I won't be seeing it until Saturday, probably, but I have to send out my well-wishes to my nerd/geek brethren and sistren (yes, there are girls who like Star Wars; lots of them) who see the movie on this most special and holy of days. May the Force be with you all!

P.S. Aren't these two adorable? "Yes, Master," indeed!

You Learn Some New Words Every Day!

I agree with the "vocabularians": "ginormous" deserves to be in the dictionary. "Confuzzled" and "lingweenie"? Not so much.

I was not aware that I am not a bibliophile, but instead a "treeware" aficionado!

(Via Maud Newton)

"I'm Here, I'm Queer... I'm Naked!"

Sometimes, in my more flaming moments, this is (sorta) what I'm like.

Some Visual Stimulation

"The Sombrero Galaxy in Infrared" from the always aesthetically pleasing Astronomy Picture of the Day. Just something to break up the textual monotony.

"A Bibliophiles Bedroom"

The bedroom of my dreams. The only discordant note is that the exhibition title is all messed up. There should be an apostrophe between the "e" and the "s" in "Bibliophiles." They're artists, though, so we should be thankful they knew the word "bibliophile." Damn smelly, pot-smoking hippies! *sniff* (Sorry, I became an old Republican there for a second.)

(Via The Little Professor)

"Funk"

The Black-Eyed Peas have a new song out. In this song, Fergie (NOT the British one, but the one my sister and me watched on that classic Disney Channel show "Kids, Inc.") sings a chorus of: "No, no, no, no, don't funk with my heart." ostensibly, they're using "funk" in place of "fuck"; however, I'm convinced that they really are saying "fuck," but everyone's stupid enough to believe that it's actually "funk" and thus okay to broadcast over the airwaves. It's genius, really, but I'm on to them, I tell ya, on to them! Take THAT, Black-Eyed Peas! MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Sorry, I've just had that song, which is entirely too catchy, stuck in my head for two days. It's starting to get to me. Just a little, though.)

Speaking of "funk," how 'bout this utterly sacrilegious picture? If you know any religion-nuts you dislike, send it to them and watch their heads explode from the sheer blasphemy of it all. Better yet, wait for the actual movie to come out and send that to them!

"Lightly Nerdy"? That's IT?!?

The test does seem geared towards computer geeks, though, so I'm probably nerdier than it says. Still, I have reputation to uphold!

Another Lust Object

Mr. Bruce Beckham is absolutely yummy! Toby is right to point out Comrade Lucas' contributions to the tanning industry, though. He seems to have slathered the entire cast of Dangerous Liasions in bronzer. Either that or he tied them up and locked them in a tanning booth for a few hours. I wouldn't put it past the enfant terrible of the gay porn industry.

Evil Nerds

I'm a very proud nerd. However, I'm not a citizen of the Video Game Commandery of the Great Empire of Nerddom & Upper Geekitude. (We do not speak of Lower Geekitude. What losers!) I have nothing against the games and their players, I just never got into them. Lack of hand/eye coordination, I think. Anyway, this is what gives all nerds of all persuasions their bad reputations. (And, yes, I know it's satirical, but I know it's not far off.)

(Via Something Awful, which I recommend because it has lots of funny stuff to read.)

Pompous Circumstance

As of noon-ish yesterday, I am officially a holder of a BA in English. The ceremony was as boring and tedious as all such ceremonies are, what with the commencement speaker putting on an election speech and the president of our class butchering the English language to comic effect, but the weather was nice and my parents were happy. I guess I am, too. Actually, I can't really say how I feel. I'm just sort of numb. It somehow feels totally unreal. I guess it just hasn't sunk all in yet.

In honor of my graduation and imminent entrance into the workforce, I'll list some dream jobs.

College President: As near as I can tell, all a college president does is go to ceremonies, make boring speeches, shake hands, and occasionally go to parties to kiss potential donor ass. I could do that!

Porn Scriptwriter: Hey, someone has to come up with the scintillating dialogue! Why not me?

Librarian: Though you might think that this is simply a standard bibliophile's dream, the reason I would be a librarian isn't to be surrounded by books all day (though that would be nice). No, it's because, judging by all of the librarians I've ever come in contact with, they do absolutely nothing all day! Even checking out a book seems to tax and inconvenience them. I'm a lazy bum, I could do nothing all day!

Gym Teacher: I'm out of shape, so it would seem I fit the main criterion for a gym teacher! Seriously, most of the gym teachers I've ever seen aren't exactly David-esque specimens. And, true, I don't like sports and can't play them, but that doesn't matter, because gym teachers don't actually do sports, they just tell you to go play baseball or something while they stand around and talk.

So, if anyone knows of an opening for college president, porn screenwriter, librarian, or a gym teacher, let me know!

Dr. Caspar

Another fascinating article from Inside Higher Ed: The Phantom Professor. As is my wont as a Libra, I can kinda see both sides of the argument. It's sorta mean that she dishes on the students and her colleagues, but she has the right to say what she wants. It's not like she was advertising the blog in her classes and saying, "Find out how much I really hate you!" And I'd bet money that most of the students who got upset are probably not even the specific students she was talking about! (Though it says something that they think they are.) Anyway, you can judge for yourself by reading the blog in question.

(You know, it'd be really cool if one of the professors at my school did what she did. I'd love to see what they really think about us!)

There Just Hasn't Been Enough Porn Around Here Lately!

To remedy the sad lack of hot gay porn, I present to you a medical miracle: yummy white boy Hunter James has magically grown a big, black cock!

Besides becoming a medical marvel, Hunter has also just been interviewed by the incorrigible, and now webponymous, Perez Hilton (who is most certainly "not affiliated or associated with, nor authorized by, NYP Holdings, Inc., the New York Post or Page Six"). Nothing spectacular, but a nice, quick read nonetheless.

Academe

As you may have noticed, I often link to the wonderful Inside Higher Ed. They often have interesting, thought-provoking articles. Today, there are three I wish to share.

1) Well, I guess I'm a "plebeian" and a "Jacobin" regressing into "preadolescent nerdishness," because I too am a lover of encyclopedias, that "lowest form of secondary literature"! The disdain of academics, as Mr. McLemee points out, isn't entirely unjustified, but I don't care. Many is the hour I amuse myself with the random perusal of reference works. And it's not every day I find that I have something in common with Aldous Huxley (though I'm not so alphabetical about it)!

2) Last week, I linked to an apoplectic journalism professor. This week, the cause of his apoplexy responds. Frankly, I think they're both being a bit petty and unprofessional. I still say that a "Department of Cinema & Comparative Literature" is a weird pairing, too.

3) I find out that my dreams of becoming an English professor is in jeopardy because English is dead. Frankly, I'm just not convinced by her argument (which isn't all that clearly written, BTW). John Martin in the comments section pretty much sums up my reaction.

Peter Jackson

The Lord of the Rings and King Kong director is wasting away before our very eyes, people!!! "Muesli" my ass, he's been holding on to "precious" too long! Cast it into Mount Doom, Peter, before it's too late!

(Via SciFiDaily)

For Sci-Fi Fans with a Linguistic Bent...

A Primer in SF Linguistics. It's very, very funny, especially to sci-fi/fantasy geeks like me. It's also full of interesting facts. For instance, did you know that "aliens are obsessed with triangles, a particular shade of green, the number three, and the letter K because they learned everything they know from our TV broadcasts. To be more specific, from a particular episode of 'Sesame Street'"? Who knew Bigbird was so cosmically influential?!?

(Via Languagehat)

A Poetic Interlude

Upon Nothing

John Wilmot

Nothing, thou elder brother even to shade,
That hadst a being ere the world was made,
And (well fixed) art alone of ending not afraid.

Ere time and place were, time and place were not,
When primitive Nothing Something straight begot,
Then all proceeded from the great united—What?

Something, the general attribute of all,
Severed from thee, its sole original,
Into thy boundless self must undistinguished fall.

Yet Something did thy mighty power command,
And from thy fruitful emptiness’s hand,
Snatched men, beasts, birds, fire, air, and land.

Matter, the wickedest offspring of thy race,
By Form assisted, flew from thy embrace,
And rebel Light obscured thy reverend dusky face.

With Form and Matter, Time and Place did join,
Body, thy foe, with these did leagues combine
To spoil thy peaceful realm, and ruin all thy line.

But turncoat Time assists the foe in vain,
And, bribed by thee, assists thy short-lived reign,
And to thy hungry womb drives back thy slaves again.

Though mysteries are barred from laic eyes,
And the Divine alone with warrant pries
Into thy bosom, where thy truth in private lies,

Yet this of thee the wise may freely say,
Thou from the virtuous nothing takest away,
And to be part of thee the wicked wisely pray.

Great Negative, how vainly would the wise
Inquire, define, distinguish, teach, devise?
Didst thou not stand to point their dull philosophies.

Is, or is not, the two great ends of Fate,
And true or false, the subject of debate,
That perfects, or destroys, the vast designs of Fate,

When they have racked the politician’s breast,
Within thy bosom most securely rest,
And, when reduced to thee, are least unsafe and best.

But Nothing, why does Something still permit
That sacred monarchs should at council sit
With persons highly thought at best for nothing fit?

While weighty Something modestly abstains
From princes’ coffers, and from statesmen’s brains,
And Nothing there like stately Nothing reigns,

Nothing, who dwellest with fools in grave disguise,
For whom they reverend shapes and forms devise,
Lawn sleeves, and furs, and gowns, when they like thee look wise.

French truth, Dutch prowess, British policy,
Hibernian learning, Scotch civility,
Spaniard’s dispatch, Dane’s wit are mainly seen in thee.

The great man’s gratitude to his best friend,
King’s promises, whore’s vows, towards thee they bend,
Flow swiftly to thee, and in thee never end.

Online text © 1998-2005 Poetry X. All rights reserved.

I'm not a "Soccer Mom," but I hope to someday be a "Soccer DILF" (without actually being a father, of course).

I am: 40% Republican.

"Congratulations, you're a swing voter. When they say 'Soccer Mom', they mean you. Every Democratic ad on the TV set was made just for your viewing enjoyment. Don't you feel special?"

Are You A Republican?

Yes, I do, in fact, feel special!

(Via OPIEblue, a hot redheaded boy from Idaho who offers, "Ongoing commentary from a red-headed step-child on Comic books, the News Media, Pretty Men, Raising a puppy in NYC and Comparisons Between California and New York......")

College Catchphrases

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has noticed and been annoyed by the stupid, stupid slogans colleges use. If you're a good school, you shouldn't need some marketing nitwit to "brand" you like a new soap!

There's Something About Penguins

I'm a big pile of goo after reading this item from Towleroad. TOO fucking adorable!

Go mbrise do chuid naimhde do bhall fearga!

Or, in English, "May your enemies break your manly parts!" Generate this and many other Gaelic curses at An tInneal Mallachtaí - The Curse Engine.

In Word Nerd Heaven

Via the oft-praised (by me, anyway) Pyramus, I now have yet another great language blog to visit: Languagehat. And this guy is HARDCORE! We're talking beyond mere word nerd here, people; he's in like word Buddha territory. Just visit and sit with him beneath the cyber-bodhi tree for a while. You'll be astounded and amazed.

Another guru of language is Dr. Stephen Andrew Chrisomalis, proprietor of The Phrontistery, an absolutely marvelous site dedicated to rare and obscure words. There are glossaries and links and all kinds of other things, too. It's simply brilliant! You'll get lost for hours looking at all the weird and wonderful words the English language has cooked up over the centuries.

Star Trek

I've never read Orson Scott Card. I don't know Orson Scott Card. I really don't have an opinion on Orson Scott Card (except I think I've heard he's really chauvinistic, but I'm not sure it's him I'm thinking of). But I think he's a bit off-base with the statement, "So they've gone and killed "Star Trek." And it's about time." He goes on to say, basically, that the first "Star Trek" sucked, the others were more of the same, and that we've "grown up" and moved on to better science fiction (his included, I'm sure). "Screen sci-fi has finally caught up with written science fiction," he says. Nothing but literary snobbery!

Has the man actually watched Golden Age (Seasons 4-6) Next Generation or Deep Space Nine (almost any season)? That's lots of compelling and interesting science fiction right there. Even Voyager and Enterprise had their moments. And lots of Trekkers are very sophisticated science fiction aficionados who read all of the authors and watch all of the shows he cites, so his whole premise (that we're just a bunch of juveniles who didn't know any better) is just plain wrong.

Trek is dead... for now. I'm actually glad it is; Voyager and Enterprise were terrible and there's just no creative juice left in the current franchise regime. In a few years, though, I'm confident it will return and people will fall in love all over again.

Ahhhh.... Freakout!!!

A week from Friday, I officially graduate from college. The yawning abyss of Real Life that has haunted my dreams lo these many months draws nigh. Like a star caught in the unbreakable gravitational grip of a black hole, I can do nothing to avert my fate and continue my blissful reverie of subsidized unemployment and general laziness. Woe! Woe! Woe!

As you can tell from the overblown prose, I'm kinda freaking out (very chicly, of course) about it. I'm just so unprepared for the cruel, cruel world! Where on earth am I going to find a decent job? How in the hell will I be able to get up that early every day? It's just mindboggling.

Just when I think I'm out...

they pull me back in!!!

Those Crazy Professors!

This professor got turned down for tenure and had a breakdown.

A journalism professor nearly had apoplexy when some young punk from the "Department of Cinema and Comparative Literature" (which, BTW, is a very odd pairing) said that Bob Woodward wasn't a very good journalist. I particularly love the comments at the bottom of the article; they're wonderfully bitchy! Who says well-educated academics can't act like a bunch of high school cheerleaders?!?!?

Why again exactly do I want to be a professor?

Priorities

Pyramus really is a man after my own heart. If it weren't for the fact that he's Canadian and older than I am, I'd suspect we were separated at birth or something. From today's post:

Speaking of "-eur", I swear that I once saw embroidered on the back of a cheesy jacket the words "AMATURE GOLDEN GLOVES". A quick Googling of "amature" reveals that it has been used nearly a million times, and the number is sure to increase as porn sites featuring "amature beastiality" and "free amature masterbation video" become ever more popular. It's things like this that make one fear for the future of humanity. The spelling, I mean: bestiality and self-abuse have been around for a long time.

Panda-ring

It's kind of sad that China uses pandas like a medieval king would use his daughters: diplomatic chattel-pawns whose main purpose is to look pretty and, hopefully, breed. Still, who could resist such adorable fellows?

Books and Language: Together at Last! (Errrr....)

William Safire, of New York Times fame, is a word nerd after my own heart. I read his "On Language" column in the NYT Magazine every week. He always has something interesting to say. In this piece from the International Herald Tribune, he turns his baleful eye on book blurbing. Watch him slice through the "blurbosphere" (ugh!) like a Ginsu knife through ripe tomatoes. As always, his analysis of modern language is second to none.

Someday, if I'm a reaaallly good boy, maybe I can get a gig like his and be at least half as good at it!

(Link via Bookninja)

Fonts of Wisdom

I think I've mentioned before that I have a bit of a yen for fonts. (You may also have noticed that I like to play around, or at least as much as is possible with the limited palatte Blogger provides, with the fonts I use in posts.) To share my love with you all, here are two cool font links:

DaFont has a wide variety of freeware and shareware fonts of every description. Wingdings, serifs, cursives, it's all there!

Font Fetish is a fun site with a kinky twist. Choose from four quick and diverting font games to play.

Enjoy!

Ye Olde Blogge

I think Pyramus and I are somehow psychically linked. How else do you explain this final posting in the "Antiquities" series? Coincidence? (Yeah, pretty much.)

P.S. After this post, I promise I'll stop putting olde e's at the ends of words for a while.