As of noon-ish yesterday, I am officially a holder of a BA in English. The ceremony was as boring and tedious as all such ceremonies are, what with the commencement speaker putting on an election speech and the president of our class butchering the English language to comic effect, but the weather was nice and my parents were happy. I guess I am, too. Actually, I can't really say how I feel. I'm just sort of numb. It somehow feels totally unreal. I guess it just hasn't sunk all in yet.
In honor of my graduation and imminent entrance into the workforce, I'll list some dream jobs.
College President: As near as I can tell, all a college president does is go to ceremonies, make boring speeches, shake hands, and occasionally go to parties to kiss potential donor ass. I could do that!
Porn Scriptwriter: Hey, someone has to come up with the scintillating dialogue! Why not me?
Librarian: Though you might think that this is simply a standard bibliophile's dream, the reason I would be a librarian isn't to be surrounded by books all day (though that would be nice). No, it's because, judging by all of the librarians I've ever come in contact with, they do absolutely nothing all day! Even checking out a book seems to tax and inconvenience them. I'm a lazy bum, I could do nothing all day!
Gym Teacher: I'm out of shape, so it would seem I fit the main criterion for a gym teacher! Seriously, most of the gym teachers I've ever seen aren't exactly David-esque specimens. And, true, I don't like sports and can't play them, but that doesn't matter, because gym teachers don't actually do sports, they just tell you to go play baseball or something while they stand around and talk.
So, if anyone knows of an opening for college president, porn screenwriter, librarian, or a gym teacher, let me know!
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