Yes, We Gays Are Really Opressing Straight Men. It's Terrible, Really, To See Them So Downtrodden.

I can't decide whether this is funny, insulting, or offensive. All three? Some combination?

(Via Gawker)

Yes, English Majors Are Just A Bunch Of Layabouts With No Talent Or Direction, Not Nerds Who Just Like To Read

English needs to be harder. Apparently, these kids today (me included) just don't have it rough enough for Sir Frank Kermode (who I've never heard of, despite his being really big or something in Britain). In his day, English majors had to walk uphill both ways while reading Dostoyevsky and compose an essay on the poetry of Alexander Pope.

(Via Bookninja)

Damn Broads Ruin Everything!

Women read more fiction than men nowadays and are making it all unmanly and crap.

(Via Bookninja)

Paper Dolls

For the antiquities lover with a sense of humor/camp in your life: Classical paper dolls. Check out, in particular, the second picture. Apparently, it was cold that day in the agora. And that guy is soooooo going to the gymnasium to meet his erastes.

London Bridge

The Black-Eyed Peas' (well, this time, really just Fergie's) new song "London Bridge" is one of those annoying songs that really sucks but grows on you like a fungus until you actually kinda, but not really, enjoy listening to it in the car. The lyrics make no sense, but that's not surprising or unusual, especially for pop songs. I really can't quite make out, though, what the central metaphor that provides the song's title means. The line goes, "Every single time you come around/My London, London Bridge wanna go down/My Lon-dee, Lon-dee, Lond-eeeeeee..." I'm fairly sure it roughly translates as "You're hot, so 'me love you long time!'" (Which, yes, is indeed another nonsensical, mind-bogglingly stupid-ass line Fergie utters in this song.) But what does "London Bridge" actually signify? Is it really her vagina, as I horrifyingly suspect? Or is it something else? Any opinions or insights would be appreciated.

And speaking of Fergie, I will always have a place in my heart for someone I watched on Kids, Inc. as a child, but, I have to say this: Bitch, step away from the Botox, tanning salon, and whatever inept stylist dresses you! You look like a fifty year-old with bad plastic surgery. And you were so cute in your pre-Peas/Wild Orchids days! As it is, everyone thinks Josh Duhamel has a tranny fetish or something.

Ray Guns And Jetpacks, Here We Come!

Battle lasers! Yay! Now all we need is transporters and we can finally make Star Trek a reality! (And, yes, my fine fellow Trekker sticklers, I realize that Star Trek has phasers, not lasers, but it's pretty close. Let's not quibble!)

British Literary Tastes

Apparently, the Brits think everything's kinda shit right now. Can't say I can disagree with their assessment, either.

(Via Bookninja)

Notes From My "Forgotten English" Page-A-Day Calendar

Consualia: Festival in which Roman beasts of burden were given the day off from labor, adorned in flowers, and led through the streets in a parade.

odditorium: A collection of curiosities.

pubble: full, plump, pudgy

From Now On, You Can Call Me...

..."Beefcake McCormick." *LOL*

(Via a friend I had dinner with on Tuesday commenting on my famously ripped musculature.)

A Piece Of Advice For Straight Guys

Don't marry a woman with a brain or a career. The broad'll just make you miserable. (And, no, this has nothing to do with the writer of the piece and his "issues"! He's just a reporter, people, relating the stone-cold facts.)

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Library smut. Book nerds, orgasm quietly, please!

(Via Bookninja)

Tech File

Soon, we shut-ins won't even have to take our eyes off our TV and computer screens to get enjoy a clear blue sky.

Fight plaque by chewing bacteria-ridden gum!

Nerds On A Plane

I don't plan to see Snakes on a Plane and have been kinda scratching my head about all the hype. (I mean, yeah, Samuel L. Jackson yelling "Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane!" is amusing, but something to hang a whole movie on?) I have to link this article, though! It's about nerdy bloggers, for pete's sake! My homies!

(Via Defamer)

Why Do I Have The Horrible Feeling...

...that it was one of my gay "tribe" getting a little frisky in the ocean with his (in)significant other that was the cause of this near-tragedy? *shrug* Maybe it's just my having a dirty mind and a strange sort of internalized homophobia.

(Via Pharyngula)

Nothing But Blue Skies...

If you want blue skies, head to Brazil, where the sky is bluest, apparently.

(Via Pharyngula comments)

Weekend Blogging

I don't know what it is, but on weekends the inspiration for blog posts really dries up. It seems a bit of a paradox: the more free time you have, the less you have to say, though you'd think it'd be the opposite. Some of it is just the fact that a lot of blogs take the weekend off, leaving fewer opportunities for linking and inspiration, but it's still a somewhat counterintuitive phenomenon.

Woooo, Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil'!

If only to be a black woman! Yes, I'd have to deal with racism, sexism, prejudice, and discrimination, but at least I could be sassy about it! And I'd also get to be wise from years of The Struggle. Alas, though, I am not a strong black woman.

Is There Nothing More Wholesome...

...than a [gay] boy and his dog? Revel in the bond between man and his best friend with a site dedicated to canophilics who are also Gentlemen Who Are Good With Colors (tm Lee): Gentleman's Canine Society!

(Via Proceed At Your Own Risk)

No Actual Writing Required

How to look like a writer.

(Via Bookslut)

Welcome To The Family!

Even though it all really doesn't matter, I just wanted to congratulate on our fair planet on the occasion of the "birth" of three new siblings. Pluto also remains the goth/emo cousin you don't see very often, but would regret if you suddenly found out they weren't related to you at all.

I Suddenly Have An Interest In Meiji-Period Educational Books

Speaking of hottie nerds, take a gander at the winners of the 2006 Collegiate Book-Collecting Championships! And they're bibliophiles, too! I think I'm in love...

(BTW, though, why is the first guy shoe-less?)

(Via Books, Inq.)

Impulses; or, I Really Need To Get Laid (I Know, Tell You Something You Don't Already Know!)

A physics professor came in yesterday to check to see if the books for his class came in. He had on a green lantern T-shirt and was rocking a dark goatee (he looked a lot like GayProf, actually) and I just wanted to jump his bones and coo, "Talk two-dimensional kinematics to me, baby!" I didn't have the guts, though, to start flirting, let alone publicly maul him. He's probably all straight, anyway.

Yuck!

I have a sinus infection. I'm prone to them, actually, but this is the first one I've had in a while and, though it's not the worst I've had, the fact that I'm not used to it anymore makes it even more yucky. I have antibiotics now, so I should be better in no time.

Oh, Google!

Why must you struggle against the natural evolution of the English language? Resistance is futile!

Porn Charity

I love porn and own have quite a lot of it (especially considering my penury). Consequently, I also have a lot of porn I don't use and don't know what to do with.

Porn (gay and straight) is big business and a lot of it has been, and continues to be, made. Because of this, while there's a lot of good stuff out there, there's also a lot of crap. And, since, unlike a book, you can't browse through a DVD or video when you're ordering online or buying at your Friendly Neighborhood Porn Shoppe, one often buys porn that one ends up not being into at all. Add to this the porn that just, over time, stops turning you on, and you can see how I can have acquired bags (literally, they're in brown paper bags) of the stuff I don't want.

My question to you, then, dear readers, is what should I do with my old porn? In college, I would give it to my best friend, who went to school in Washington D.C. and was involved in the gay/straight alliance there. She would then distribute it to members of the group, especially (at my insistence) the younger members who may not have had a chance to have gay porn before. But we're all out of school now and all the discarded porn's just piling up. Any suggestions as to what to do with it all?

Yay!

Toby's back!

Finally, A Place To Get Fifi Some Rawhide!

You all know I'm a sucker for a cute, furry mammal, whether of the two or four-legged variety, so, naturally, I love this new site. Plus, all the copy was written by the Faggoty-Ass Faggot, so it's a hoot to read, too.

If Someone Takes This Idea And Then Makes Billions Off Of It, All While Saving The World, I'll Be PISSED!

I'm not inventor or scientist or engineer or anything, but I've always wondered if and/or how one could harness lightning for energy. I mean, couldn't you put up a bunch of lightning rods connected to batteries or something? Just think of all the energy just one moderate thunderstorm could provide! It'd get us off oil right quick.

Tsk Tsk!

For shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!

The Future

I was in one of my angsty, philosophical moods the other day and realized that, damn, the future is scary! On the macro level, we have religious fundamentalism (rising Christian nationalism in this country, Islamic terrorism worldwide, and just a general anti-Enlightenment zeitgeist that's really scary), the specter of nuclear war, a looming energy crisis, the vague sense in this country that we're in economic decline, continued terrorist threats, endemic and seemingly intractable racism and tribalism, continued economic inequality, and the threat of a worldwide pandemic. On the micro level, there's the question of if I ever going to fall in love, what the hell am I going to do career-wise, what will I do when all my family is dead and I'm all alone int he world. (You know, light and airy stuff.)

And then there's the kicker: the future is and always will be scary! If religious fundamentalism or economic uncertainty or my career woes went Poof! tomorrow, new boogeymen would simply rise to take their place. It's all enough to make one go insane, or at least hide under the covers for a good week or two.

Live Long And *BWAH*

One of the nice things about us Trekkies/Trekkers is that most of us actually have a really good sense of humor about the whole thing. Exhibit A: Trek Inspirational Posters. If you have any knowledge of The Original Series, you'll laugh at at least some of them. My personal favorite (try to guess why) is this one:

Here's hoping they do more of them based on the other series. I wouldn't know where to start with Voyager and Enterprise, though. So much snarkable material to choose from!

(Via Bad Astronomy Blog)

Canon And Copyright

Who knew that copyright has so much influence on literature survey anthologies? I didn't and, being the English major dork/Norton anthology bitch that I am, find it fascinating to read about.
The connection between copyright and The Canon (captialized, of course) made by that article ties into a very interesting review by The Little Professor of a book called The Reading Nation in the Romantic Period, which argues that copyright laws have had a much bigger impact on shaping The Canon than scholars have ever given it credit for. Really cool stuff.

(Via Maud Newton)

I Couldn't Handle Looking At ONE!

But two? I think I'd faint. And just think of all the extra yeast!!! (The last a shout out to my main bitch, Cindy!)

(Via Gawker)

My Kind Of Guy

A guy who edits an online dictionary of slang, jargon, and the like in his spare time. Oh, and his day job? Editor for the Oxford Dictionary of American Slang. We're spiritual brethren!

(Via Maud Newton)

A Not-Very-Complimentary Self-Confession

As a very general rule, and it is hardly one etched in stone, I don't go for black guys. They just aren't my type, the same way blond, WASPy/Aryans aren't generally my type, either. But there is a part of it that is more complex. Basically, I don't like to look at black men as objects of my sexual interest because I don't like the racist switches it hits in my head. I start thinking of them in a sort of buck/Mandingo way, the old "black men are hung and sexual animals" stereotype, there for nothing more than the sexual gratification of whites. I don't like this way of thinking and feeling, so I try to avoid thinking of black men in that way. I'm sure that's a racism of another kind, but it is, I think, the lesser of two evils.

(BTW, Eric has a good post with interesting comments on the general issue of race and sexual attraction.)

Ocular Delights

What's An Internets?

A look back at a simpler time. Favorite line: "...tools of the human spirit"; my inner MST3K commentary: "More like tools of the human spirit for porn!"

(BTW, on a totally tangential note, you know the ads for the upcoming movie Pulse? You know, where one Doomed Teenager says, "There are people in my computer!" and we're supposed to be all freaked out and stuff? All I can ever think upon hearing that is, "It's called YouTube/IM/a webcam, sweetheart!" Not the effect I think the producers were going for.)

Is It Just Me...

...or does anyone else not actually hear Justin Timberlake in his new song SexyBack (BTW, spaces between words aren't sexy, apparently)? I mean, I assume that over-processed, female-sounding voice singing is him, but, really, it could be anyone: Madonna, Ciara, Lance Bass...

For Gunn

Here's the skinny on that Mars email you were asking me about, Gunn. As you suspected, it's a hoax.

The Paradox Of Attraction

The kind of men I want don't want me. And it's not just me: the men we "all" want don't want us; they want each other. In other words, hot guys go for hot guys, not the average schlubs like me that lust after them. (And, yes, it isn't absolutely true, since attraction is a highly idiosyncratic and downright unpredictable thing that sees "unlikely" and "unequal" pairings emerge every day of the week, but it sure feels like some sort of law of nature sometimes.)

Just another one of those depressing, self-confidence bruising observations I seem to be so good at. Damn, I need to get on Prozac or something before I drive y'all to drink! *LOL*

Ugg! Ugg Ugg Ugg!

Men no read.

(Via Bookninja)

Fame At Last!

I just noticed that my post the other week on academic blogs and my own decision not to pursue an academic career was in (now yesterday's) Around The Web feature of Inside Higher Ed. Very cool!

I probably missed most of the visitors referred here by now, but for any stragglers: welcome! Make yourselves at home; me blogga es su blogga!

What's So Funny?

Well?

Summer Lovin'

Tonight is a perfect summer night: clear, cool, and comfortable, with a just-microns-short-of-full moon. It's one of those nights where you should/could just sit and watch the stars for hours. *sigh of contentment*

*Guffaw*

Sorry, but this Gawker post just made me bust out laughing.

There I Go Again...

...reading the high-falutin' stuff. This time, it's a Nietzsche reader and Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations. Figured it was about time I saw for myself what all the fuss is about this Nietzsche character and looked at the intellectual underpinnings of modern capitalism.

Oh, MaDONNA!

First disco crucifixions and now "cute" T-shirts? Gurrrrrrrl, you better get your hubris under control before Ein Sof smites yo ass! And what is up with your arms?!? There is such a thing as too much yoga and working out, you know.

Regret

My one regret thus far in my short life is that I've yet to fall in love. (Well, "regret" isn't really appropriate, since falling in love is something that just happens, but you know what I mean.)

I get crushes on people, but it's always on those who can't/won't reciprocate, mostly due to geography (i.e. they're on the other side of the country or something). I'm especially prone to the blog/email crush (Hey, Scott! Hey, GayProf!). But as for actual, physical love-falling? Nada. And that's kinda sad.

Maybe it's pretentious of me, but I feel that I'm not a complete person until I've fallen in love, gone through a relationship, and then endured a break-up.

March Of The Penguins

To honor the sixtieth birthday of Penguin Classics, Penguin has picked the 100 best books. Of these, The Times of London has picked the perfect (?) Penguins. Keep your eye out for missing ones, though.

In other Penguin news, they're blogging now.

(Via Bookslut; Books, Inq.)

Apologia

A running theme of Bourgeois Nerd is my less-than-satisfying [lack of] sex life. As you are all acutely aware, my love life is nonexistent.

I readily admit, however, that I have no one to blame for my predicament but myself. I am far from proactive in finding a in/significant other. The truth is, I am a fundamentally passive person, so I find it difficult to take agency of my circumstances (a component of my personality that is at the root of most of my personal woes and neuroses). Still, I whinge on about it in the hopes that the Universe will throw someone my way just to shut me up. It's the same thing with my poor body image: yeah, I don't do anything (or, to be more exact, I do something for a few months, but not enough, and then stop) about getting abs or whatever, but I still feel compelled to complain about it.

All of this said, the point of this post, dear readers, is to let you guys know that I know the whining must get kinda boring after a while. I understand that you don't really want to hear about it; I get annoyed with me when I do it, too. But I'd rather be whining than despairing, and it's my damn blog, so bear with me and just skip the posts if you don't want to deal with it. (Oh, and if you're a hot gay guy, throw a pity fuck my way!)

DOOM!

Or, as I should say in this context, "Dome!"

(Via Bookninja)

Interview

The inestimable Frank Wilson, official Friend of Bourgeois Nerd, Philadelphia Inquirer books editor, and blogprietor of Books, Inq., is interviewed at Critical Mass.

Now That You Think Of It, It Really Is A Logical Lexicographical Derivation

nake: to make naked; nakedize, to go naked

Example: Most of the time, one nakes before one engages in coitus.

Calves

I like calves. It's one of the few parts of me that my body dysmorphia feels isn't totally disgusting. But then I found, as I looked at other men's calves (to compare them to mine), that I really appreciated a nice pair of gams/a well-turned heel on a man. Too many focus on the torso and upper body and neglect the lower. Nothing wrong with some nice pecs and a flat stomach, but do some leg lifts once in a while, fellas!

But, Yes, I Actually AM Gay!

I loves the cock!

Though not a fashion plate myself, I'm still good at critiquing others' fashion.

When I get flamey, I start sounding like a black woman. (Even though I am not a strong black woman!)

I love Bette Davis, Katherine Hepburn, Joan Crawford, and all that bunch.

Love dogs.

Love porn. (That's a general guy thing, though.)

Hate sports.

I seriously question traditional notions of monogamy and am open to different relationship configurations.

I suffer from gay body dysmorphia: if I don't have an eight-pack, 2% body fat, and a bubble butt, I'm not attractive.

And I sure love cock!

Sage Advice

Fellow Jersey boy and amazing (if, due to that pesky thing called "Life," sporadic) academic blogger Dr. Michael Drout has responded to yesterday's academic career angst post with a post of his own. You should really check it out; he gives very good advice.

Ooooh, Baby, I Love It When You Read Dostoyevsky To Me!

Books, and the people that read them, are sexy. Well, duh! After all, I am a bookworm!

(Via Bookslut)

Why I Am A Very Bad Gay, As Measured By Non-Conformity To Various Stereotypes

I don't like to shop (except for books).

In no way am I a fashion plate. Carson Kressley would take one look at my wardrobe and faint.

I don't like to drink. Alcohol just tastes gross to me. Give me a nice cold ginger ale or bubbly Sprite/Sierra Mist.

I'm not promiscuous (though, as you know, this isn't exactly by choice).

I'm not obessed by "acting" straight or fetishizing straight men. Yeah, I can appreciate a handsome straight man and lust after him a little, but I'm not one of those guys who can only go for straight guys.

Frankly, I'm not really fond of most dance/electronic music.

I'm not a very good dancer. My inner white boy overpowers my inner dancing queen when it comes to rhythm.

I have unruly, unplucked eyebrows. Frankly, I think overplucked eyebrows are much more unattractive than unplucked ones.

I don't like working out. No gymrat here!

I have grave misgivings about such gay icons as Madonna, Cher (her post-Sonny, post-plastic surgery mania phase), and Barbra Streisand. Don't quite get the appeal of Judy Garland, either.

My gaydar is atrocious.

I don't think I'd be a good cruiser; I'm too oblivious and too much of a scaredy-cat

Hot Enough For Ya?!? *Har, Har, Har*

Yeah, posts about how hot it is (in summer, no less! How unexpected!) are passe and boring, but the fact is that it is damn hot, folks. God, I can't wait for fall!

In The Yeeeeeeeeeeeear 1996...

website design sucked.

(Via Gawker)

Wish I Were In Belarus

Yes, it's a depressed post-Soviet dictatorship, but they've got gay porn on the TV!

(Via Proceed At Your Own Risk)

Crikey!

Save the Australian lungfish!

(Via Pharyngula)