My one regret thus far in my short life is that I've yet to fall in love. (Well, "regret" isn't really appropriate, since falling in love is something that just happens, but you know what I mean.)
I get crushes on people, but it's always on those who can't/won't reciprocate, mostly due to geography (i.e. they're on the other side of the country or something). I'm especially prone to the blog/email crush (Hey, Scott! Hey, GayProf!). But as for actual, physical love-falling? Nada. And that's kinda sad.
Maybe it's pretentious of me, but I feel that I'm not a complete person until I've fallen in love, gone through a relationship, and then endured a break-up.
12 comments:
I totally relate to that. The imprint of grief on one's soul to escape a terrible lightness. My best to you!
I was thinking about it myself today. I was realizing that, at 25, I have all these first dates and other experiences in my life, but no real relationships.
Thanks, guys, for the commiseration. It actually is much appreciated.
Chad: I'd settle for some first dates and "other experiences" at this point! It's at least a step in the right direction.
Be careful what you wish for, Fred! I've got my fair share of stories, many of them quite Morrissey-esque.
The trick for me is just to not let my romantic history (or lack thereof) impede on my sense of self-worth. I just wish someone had explained to me how to do this whole dating thing and that I knew for sure that my lack of success hasn't been because of my own unresolved issues with being gay.
FRED?!? It's Frank, Chad! (Just kidding RE the idignation. I have a terrible time with names. I was calling a coworker of mine named Mark "Nick" for like a week before I realized my mistake.)
ANYway, I agree that it sucks that no one really teaches you how to date. I mean, yeah, straight people don't get lessons in health class or anything, but society and TV and stuff are all geared to give them images and patterns to follow. Plus, the whole culture -- not to mention sheer numbers -- makes it easier for them to find a date in the first place. We gays have to wing it and go out of our way to find it.
D'oh! One of my professors over the summer was named Fred, so I guess I just got confused.
Aren't you like 22 or something? I mean, no offense, but that's a bit young to be feeling so melancholy about not having loved.
You have plenty of time and will have several serious LTR's (I am pretty sure). How about that Nick/Mark guy?
BTW, we are much closer in terms of geography now.
I am sure having "role models" or whatever you call them is not of any use to "straight" people whatsoever, as far as matters of love are concerned. You can't have "role models" for feelings and emotion.
GayProf: I'm 23. And, yeah, it's a little young to be worried about LOVE, but, you know, always worrying about something! Plus, even at an age such as mine, most people have had some kind of relationship experience.
Nick/Mark isn't on the relationship radar. He's married, in his forties, and not my type. He's a history adjunct, actually; he has a PhD, but you know how the academic market is, especially in history, and especially in his specialty (Military history).
You're quite right about us being geographically nearer now. Who knows, I may just show up in Boston some day!
Maxine: What I meant was that straight people have role models for BEHAVIOR. How to meet someone, what to do on a date, etc. are osmotically imparted to straight people in a way they aren't for gay people. We can copy a lot of the behavior, but we have different challenges, so we basically have to make up a lot as we go along.
"And then I fell in love
With the most wonderful boy in the world
We'd take long walks down by the river
Or just sit for hours, gazing into each others eyes.
And then one day
He went away and I thought I'd die
But I didn't
And when I didn't I said
Is that all there is to love?"
Very apt, Gunn. What's the song it's from? The lyrics don't ring a bell immediately. And they're right, once I do fall in love and all, I'll probably be all, "Is this IT?!? Why on earth was I so angsty about not having THIS?!?"
It's Peggy Lee's 'Is that all there is?', but I only know the PJ Harvey version. As lyrics go you can't get a much bleaker depiction of disapointment.
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