"What The Hell" And "Awwwww!" All At Once

The Japanese really are crazy. Now they're making over dogs to look like pandas.

And is this adorable animal a panda, a dog, or some genetic experiment gone adorably wrong?

Meanwhile, Tai Shan, The National Zoo's baby panda, has a dress rehearsal for his debut.

Update: I swear, I didn't steal the idea from this post from The Colbert Report tonight! It's pure coincidence; I didn't even watch the 11:30 showing! Anyway, I saw the panda-fied dog video last night on CNN.com and the baby panda story on the news this afternoon.

Bottomline, Baby!

Art and money have been hand in glove since time immemorial and product tie-ins and such are just a new iteration of the same old dynamic. Art is just as much a part of Gross Capitalism as canned beans. Some wax poetic about the honor and purity of the "starving artist," but what artist hopes to stay starving? Man cannot, as some believe (or claim to when they get jealous that they're poor as churchmice and others are making money), live on some cockamamy notion of "artistic integrity" and "realness" alone.

Art is a whore, just like the rest of us. (As a wise man once said, “Ideology doesn’t pay the digital cable bill.”) All you airy-fairy "Art Is Above Mere Commerce" types are just living in a dream world.

(Via Books, Inq.)

Breaking News!

There was this guy named Jesus and it's his birthday soon or something! Stop the presses! News at 11!

(Via Hunter James)

It's Really Rather Simple

This is why us gays want to marry!

(Via Philobiblon)

RIP, Mr. Miyagi

Pat Morita, of Karate Kid fame, died.

I'm oddly bummed out. I mean, I guess it's always sad when someone dies, but it's not like I knew him or anything. It's just that I remember watching those movies and doing that silly crane move when I was little and now Mr. Miyagi's gone and I feel old. ('Cause it's always all about ME, of course!) Anyway, condolences to his loved ones.

(Via Defamer)

Physics Throwdown: Flouncy Wig Vs. Crazy Hair

Newton takes Einstein downtown to win the belt for Greatest Genius Ever! I guess I agree with the decision. Newton created modern physics and mathematics, in some cases out of sheer whole cloth. Einstein was an undeniable genius, but he had more material to work with.

10,000!!!

Yesterday, Nov. 26, 2005, at precisely 11:56:42 pm, Bourgeois Nerd had its ten-thousandth visitor!!!

Isn't it all rather exciting? We're coming up on the first anniversary, too, so it's even more exciting. For a little rinky-dink blog like this to get so many visitors (some of whom, of course, are repeaters, but we'll just wave away that little technicality) is a nice achievement. I think so, anyway.

I'd almost like to give a prize to Visitor 10,000, but all I know is that they accessed the site from a computer in Cordova, Tennessee. (I'm also cheap and poor and what the hell would I give them?) Anyway, if you're reading Visitor 10,000, you have my thanks and congratulations!

United States of Fornication

Yet again we prove that Americans, no matter how "heartland" and "values-based" they claim to be, are nothing more than sex-crazed fiends. I must admit, though, the thought of the typical Wal-Mart customer copulating is... disturbing. *shudder*

Happy Turkey Day!

Pink Pound-ing

Soon, same-sex couples will be allowed to enter into civil partnerships in the UK. Now, everyone wants a piece of the wedding cake. Typical: everyone's always against the gays until you start waving "pink" cash about. Capitalism! (Isn't it grand?)

My two favorite snippets from this article are...

1) "We've had contact with some venues which are clearly reluctant [to host gay weddings] at the moment because they don't know what to make of it - I think they're worried they're going to get 50 guys shagging in the corner."

Frankly, I think that sounds like a great wedding reception, but maybe that's just my sex deprivation talking.

2) "Maybe in 10 years time we won't need to have gay wedding planners or gay companies at all - there will be just wedding planners. Now that would be a measure of equality."

First, just ten years? Ah, bless you, love! Second, thoughts immediately turned to a possible J. Lo The Wedding Planner sequel. That alone could set us back twenty years.

Strange Theology

Who knew the Catholic Church had made such a stunning turnaround in its views of gays! And here I thought they just banned gays from the priesthood!

(Via The Little Professor)

RIP

Sam, the world's ugliest dog, has passed away. I'm sure, however, that he's safe and sound in Hell with his true master, Satan.

(Via Defamer)

Stop The Presses!

Study reveals boners make guys more boneheaded! What astounding news! I've always thought arousal was a great way to get clearheaded. Just goes to show you the power of science to explode lazy assumptions.

(Via towleroad)

Golden Years

When I'm 70, I hope I can be a killer gaming granny! (Err... *LOL*) I also hope I'll be in the gay retirement home with lots and lots of hot young male nurses.

(Via proceed at your own risk; towleroad)

Take A Deep Breath And Repeat After Me: "It's Just A Statue."

If you're so insecure with your sexuality that Michaelangelo's David makes you want to destroy it due to the attraction its beauty has on you, then you got problems, brother.

(Via Bookninja)

'Allo, Love!

There's just something about a British accent. American women and gay men just can't resist it. I've always wondered, though, if straight guys react to British women's accents the same way. They don't seem to, but I really don't know.

(Via Bookslut)

Literature Is Evolving Right Before Our Eyes

First emoticon Shakespeare, now text message Dickens. Ah, progress...

(Via Bookslut)

Word Nerds Take Over!

I'm telling you, we word nerds are everywhere, especially on the blogosphere. You'd better watch out: "WE ARE LEGION!"

(Via Bookninja)

Have You Read My Mind, Professor?

Dr. Maggiemay critiques college girls' fashion. And there are many, many, many things to critique. The flip-flop thing, especially the flip-flop-during-the-winter thing, is a particular peeve of mine and is hardly confined to female half of the student population. Put some damn shoes on, people!

Chelonians In The News

Happy (Now Belated) Birthday to Harriet, a Giant Galapagos tortoise believed by some to be one of Darwin's study subjects and, at a spry 175 years old, one of the world's oldest living inhabitants! You don't look a day over 150, Harriet!

Meanwhile, new fossils shed light on turtle evolution.

Hurrah!

Book are in! They're even this week's "the new black"! Does this mean I'm finally cool?

(Via Bookninja)

Ubermetroretropaleoantihomopanhypersexuality

God, people, can we just come up with an impossible ideal of masculinity that no man can ever live up to and stick with it! American males need some cultural Platonic Idea to aspire to be, and, having failed to achieve, become overcompensating gay bashers, misogynists, and NASCAR fans in response to!

(Via Bookslut)

Well, At Least I Have SOME Sort Of Skill!

You are 'Gregg shorthand'. Originally designed to
enable people to write faster, it is also very
useful for writing things which one does not
want other people to read, inasmuch as almost
no one knows shorthand any more.

You know how important it is to do things
efficiently and on time. You also value your
privacy, and (unlike some people) you do not
pretend to be friends with just everyone; that
would be ridiculous. When you do make friends,
you take them seriously, and faithfully keep
what they confide in you to yourself.
Unfortunately, the work which you do (which is
very important, of course) sometimes keeps you
away from social activities, and you are often
lonely. Your problem is that Gregg shorthand
has been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Via kinesthesis breakthrough)

Romeo & Juliet

Finally, Shakespeare in a language today's youth can understand: emoticons.

(BTW, I hate R & J. What's so romantic about suicide? I'm with Mercutio: a pox on all y'all! Or something like that...)

(Via Bookslut)

Book Bits

Tag! Amazon's it!

Just ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Even MY bibliophilia has limits, folks. I would get the creeps just touching one of those books.

(Via Bookninja)

Calling All Girl Geeks! Calling All Girl Geeks!

Female? Geeky? Deft with a pen or keyboard? Then send in essay submissions for the forthcoming She's Such a Geek: An Anthology by and for Women Obsessed with Computers, Science, Comic Books, Gaming, Spaceships, and Revolution!

(Via Learning Curves, via a dr. dave comment link)

Feeling Blue...

It's been a tough couple of days. I've been in something of a funk. I guess you could call it an "existential crisis."

Sunday night was particularly bad; I was seized with thoughts of mortality, loss, grief, loneliness, and oblivion. We're all going to die and no one will remember us. We're all alone, completely alone. Life is meaningless, futile, and pointless. As I lay in bed, I could feel the darkness around me, pressing on me, eating at me, trying to empty me of all hope and elan vital. (I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. I really was seized with fear and discomfort at the thoughts I was having.) As you might imagine, it wasn't a great night's sleep.

Then yesterday and today I've been enervated and anti-social. I'm just down about the same old crap: no job, no money, no man. You know, the usual stuff I whine about, plus some lingering existential angst thrown in for good measure. Not a very tasty stew, let me tell you. Hopefully, I'll be better by the end of the week.

Those Crazy, Kooky, Progressive Scandinavians!

They may commit suicide a lot, but those Nords sure aren't prudes! They put a gay porn star/real estate agent on the cover of their in-flight magazines! Won't be seeing that on USAir Today (or whatever the hell their magazine is) any time soon, I can assure you.

BTW, "Scanorama" actually looks interesting and well-written. I admit, I haven't flown in years and hardly paid attention to the magazines when I did, so is this unique to that airline or are other in-flight magazines actually worth reading?

(Via Gay.Fleshbot)

In Another Life...

I'd be a dermatologist. I'm absolutely fascinated by skin and hair.

Best Of (Stuff I've Seen Lately)

Best Title: Bell, Book, and Dyke: New Exploits of Magical Lesbians

Best Sentence: "He wrote like a thesaurus suffering an attack of hysterics in an abattoir..."

Good For The Environment

Remember those school assemblies where a group of cracked-out, secretly bitter actors would tell you not to litter and to "Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle!" in an "entertaining" way? Well, it would have been a hell of a lot more entertaining if they'd included the dildo recycling!

(Via Gawker)

Why Me?

Why do I only get E-vited to housewarming parties in Hobocken, not to gay orgies in NYC?

(Via Gawker)

Crikey!

I'd love to see Steve Irwin try to wrestle this croc! We'd be rid of him at last!

(Via Hairy Museum of Natural History)

God Bless America

Americans (and Canadians) are the kinkiest people in the world! Woohoo! We're number one! We're number one! Take that, you leatherclad Germans! Suck it, British spanking fetishists!

I always knew our Puritan public prudery and good old Yankee sexual repression were good for something, and apparently it's making us dirty, dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty boys and girls.

Congrats

Conan O'Brien and his wife welcomed little Beckett O'Brien into the world on Wednesday. Beckett, eh? A little preppy, but it's sorta goes nicely with "O'Brien," I think. And, in a world of Apples and Kal-Els, it's almost downright boring!

(Via Defamer)

Bear Sex

How do you guarantee a reprint of your novel? Get indicted! Scooter Libby's 1996 The Apprentice has proven to be so in-demand since his indictment, the publisher has decided to print 25,000 new copies. Well, that should help defray the legal bills, at least! And who wouldn't want to own a book now infamous for its pedophilic bear porn? (I don't get the big deal about the bear sex, really. Shoot, us gays have been having sex with bears for years!

Meanwhile, in other bear sex news, two pandas in Thailand make it legal before hitting the bamboo sheets. Great idea, guys! Pandas are already notoriously non-horny creatures; marriage should really get them in the mood. *eye roll*

(Via Gawker; Wonkette)

Heaven Or Hell?

I can't decide whether this job would be delightful or maddening. On the one hand, you get to be around books all day (a definite plus, to my mind) and find interesting things in them, like old letters and marginalia. On the other hand, it looks like it's incredibly tedious. It's not like it's incredibly well-paying, either. But you get to handle books all day! It's such a conundrum...

(Via Bookslut)

This IS A Joke, Isn't It?

Isn't it? Please tell me it is. Sometimes my sarcasm/irony-reader goes a little kerflooey, so forgive me for even contemplating for a nanosecond the idea that this may possibly maybe be real. In today's world, one cannot always be sure of such things.

(Via Gawker)

"We Had Joy, We Had Fun, We Had Seasons In The Sun"

Does anyone else know a weird cross-section of 70s "classics," but only in the form of a medley of five second clips as played on late-night infomercials? No? Thought as much...

Rock Snobs

Ah, rock snobs. How I detest you! Seriously, y'all, I hate it when people only like something when they're the only ones who know about it. The minute it gains any degree of notoriety, the musicians have "sold out" and are garbage. Hello, if it's good music, it's good music. It shouldn't matter if it's "underground" or "indie" or "mainstream" or whatever.

Rock snobs just like feeling "superior" because they listen to little-known bands instead of the pop of the hoi polloi. Elitist pricks.

(Via Bookslut)

Can We Talk?

I know it's de rigeur nowadays to ridicule her and her plastic surgery-overloaded face, but the fact of the matter is that Joan Rivers is damn funny.

(Via Towleroad)

Who Says The Art Of Letter Writing Is Dead?

I did not know this, but, apparently, dysfunctional families write letters to one another all the time. But writing a soul-bearing letter takes a lot of time. So, if you're on the go, just use this handy Dysfunctional Family Letter Generator. Let loose your inner pain and still keep up with your hectic schedule!

(Via Maud Newton)

Antique Books In A High-Tech Frame

They don't make them like they used to. Today's Danielle Steeles and Dan Browns will never photograph that well in a hundred years time!

(Via Bookninja)

I'm Sure There's A Vampire Joke Somewhere In This...

It might not be totally suprising to you that I'm a huge Buffy/Angel fan. Thus, news that there might be some direct-to-DVD movies is a cause for cautious optimism here at Bourgeois Nerd.

PZ Myers of Pharyngula has mixed feelings. "Some stories should come to an end. I'd rather see Whedon move on to new ideas than endlessly mining old ones." I disagree, however. The Buffyverse (as the cool kids say) has all kinds of stories to tell, I think. Buffy herself is probably one of the most uninteresting things about it. Therefore, depending on what secondary characters they choose to focus on, new DVD movies would be awesome. More awesome would be an actual ending for Angel (I know they're fun in their own way, but I'm not the kind of person who enjoys cliffhangers), but I doubt that's ever gonna happen.

I Hate To Say It...

Scarily enough, Gawker and I are of one mind when it comes to The Colbert Report: "...a show we sort of feel like we should be watching but also don’t enjoy as we’d hoped to when we do."

I'm a huge Daily Show fan, love Stephen Colbert, and chuckle at quite a bit of the Report (especially "The Word"). But..... Somehow, taken all together, it just doesn't entertain me as much as I had hoped. The uber-cable news anchor, hyper-O'Reilly persona really grates on me after a while and I just can't see myself watching it for years on end.

Marsupial Mushiness

Did you know koalas sleep 20 hours a day? Based on that factoid, I think I was one in a previous life. Except, I don't think I was ever this adorable!

I Would Have Thought I Was A Bit More Economically Conservative, But It Seems Pretty Accurate, Overall

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (35% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Hooray!

Toby is back with a new a design!

Marlene Dietrich: Poet

As any self-respecting Gay does, I'm fascinated by the female stars of Old Hollywood: Bette, Joan, Katherine, etc. I've always had a particular fascination for Marlene Dietrich, not for her movies, but for her interesting life. Did you know she was a tireless anti-Nazi and seriously damaged her health during WWII performing for the Allied troops?

Now, it's been revealed that, in the last years of her life, she wrote poetry. Now, this isn't notworthy for the poetry itself, which is pretty bad, but they are interesting for who they were written for: old lovers, friends, and admirers, including Hemingway, Yul Brenner, and Ronald Reagan (who, apparently, no one had ever known she was particularly close to).

(Via Bookninja)

New York, New York...

I'm not really a city kind of person. I'm a born suburbanite. New York, in particular, is just too much for my fragile little self to take. For views like these, though, I'd be more than willing to brave the big, bad city! Absolutely incredible.

Ninja Poetry

The ever-delightful Canadian George Bookninja has a new book out. Impress your friends and slaughter your enemies (metaphorically) by being the first on your block to own the latest and greatest in Canadian poetry. Only 95 of a 150-copy edition remain, so act quickly!

Madge, Madge, Madge, Madge, Madge

I have a confession: I'm really totally over Madonna. I know, I know! Gasp! Shock! Horror! How can I be a self-respecting Gay and not love her? Well, I did, when I was a younger Gay. Lately, though? Kinda soured on her. Let me break down some of the reasons why in list form:

• I remember watching a Madonna "Behind the Music" or some such a few years ago. In one interview clip, she said wouldn't go away at 40 because "what, are you supposed to just shrivel up and die?", which I totally agree with, but I also believe in aging with some grace and dignity. Unfortunately, grace and dignity are two nouns Ms. Ciccone-Richie is totally unfamiliar with. The woman needs to step away from the Botox!
  


• One cannot say that Madonna isn't smart. Why, then, the continued obsession with starting a movie career that simply ain't gonna happen? Why can't she get it through her thick skull that she just not an actress and focus on other things?


• The savvy media manipulation and penchant for reinvention were once sources of great admiration in me. Now, though, the first just seems so cynical and pointless (it ain't exactly hard these days to manipulate the current crop of fluff-brained, celebrity-obsessed, shallow-minded media types) and the second seems tired. We get it, Madge, you're edgy and with-it. Except, you're not really.
  

• I'm the world's biggest Anglophile, but her faux-Britishness gets even my knickers all in a twist. You're from Detroit, woman, not Belgravia!
  

• I have nothing against those who find comfort and meaning in spirituality. This Kabbalah thing of hers, though, is really getting creepy. (And as Kathy Griffin put it so well, "She needed Kabbalah to tell her not to be an asshole?") Plus, though I'm probably the only one who cared/noticed this, about a year ago she was in Israel trying to bring peace or something (yeah, that's all the Israelis and Palestinians need to get together and shake hands, a middle-aged pop star) and visited the grave of some Kaballah saint or something. What did Ms. M wear for this solemn visit? An outfit that wouldn't look out of place on a golfer, complete with cap, plaid jumper, and like capri khakis. I'm sure the Kaballah saint was honored she dressed up for the occasion. Basically, that said to me that, though she might be serious about the whole Kaballah thing, it's still all. about. her.
  


• Again, though she's certainly a smart cookie, she also seems to suffer from utter unreflective cluelessness. In her new documentary, she apparently chides her fans for being materialistic; haven't given up that castle, though, have ya, Esther?

Now, I'm not saying I don't/can't still enjoy her music, including her new ones (though I'm not really "hung up" on "Hung Up"), but Madonna qua Madonna? It's over, dear.

Pathetic

In response to my plea for comments, jo(e) suggested I write either a pathetically sad or highly controversial post. Well, I thought the posts about my loser non-life were pathetic enough, but then I went to the bathroom, started to pee, and realized I hadn't taken down my underwear yet. Yes, a few minutes ago, I literally pissed my pants. And, now, I'm tell you about it. Now that's pathetic. Discuss.

Wake UP!

Hel-lo!!! No one is commenting! Is everyone asleep or something? I mean, I don't expect every single post to generate lots of commentary, but throw me a frickin' bone, people!

Huh. I've Always Seen Myself As A Parenthesis, Actually.

hyphen You scored 38% Sociability and 47% Sophistication!

You are comfortable around others. While you don't have to go out every night, you take pride in being easy to get along with. This should not, however, be misconstrued as believing (as many do) that you are without subtlety. In fact, you have the power to inform the anal retentive that, indeed, they are discussing an anal-retentive issue. Who else can do that? Quotation marks intimidate you a little bit.

My test tracked 2 variables. How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 21% on Sociability You scored higher than 30% on Sophistication

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

(Via kinesthesis breakthrough)

It Just Ain't Right

Call me a traditionalist, but this vertical bookshelf just doesn't do it for me, philosophically or aesthetically. When I look at it, all my OCD-Bibliophilia Edition (which includes an obsession with keeping bindings and dustjackets in perfect shape) can do is scream, "You're ruining the cover boards!"

(Via Bookninja)

Shotguns And Crossbows Are For Pussies

A man in Arkansas killed a deer buck with his bare hands. All that's left of the deer is a bunch of venison in the guy's freezer. Dayum! And I bet he killed a man once, just to watch him die, too.

You know, if he had lived a century or two back, we'd be telling tall tales about him. He'd be as big as Johnny Appleseed and Paul Bunyan. I, on the other hand, can barely get my lazy ass up before noon!

(Via Bookninja)

Sex!

Scandal! Lesbian prostitutes! Bad prose! All this and more in Campus Sexpot: A Memoir.

(Via Inside Higher Ed)

Roman Mosaics

Unloading Boats

Cup-Bearers Serving Wine

Neptune Triumphant

(And looking rather dishy, too!)

All Saints Bright and Beautiful...

In honor of All Saints Day, I decided to highlight some of the quirkier saints out there.

Saint Botolph
He's just got a cool name

Saint Francis de Sales and Saint Francis of Assisi
My name saints. Little-known fact: Saint Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of gays. It's true: he's Saint Francis of A Sissy, after all!

Saint Fiacre
He's the patron of venereal disease suffers and hemorrhoids. I bet the other saints tease him mercilessly.

Saint Adelbert of Magdeburg
Say her name in a German accent. It's delicious!

Saint Gall
I mean, really, the utter gall of the man! *LOL*

Saint Hyacinth
"It's pronounced 'bouquet'!"

Cute And Scary (It's The New Hot And Spicy)

Okay, this Thom Friedman pumpkin is the most curious mixture of cute and scary I've ever seen. Ditto for the carver; he's a hottie, but anyone who'd carve Thom Friedman into a pumpkin's a little scary, too.

An Eye For An Eye, A Book For A Book

That olde timee justicee was sure hardcore: two years of hard labor for stealing books from libraries. Eeek! Good thing my bibliomania hasn't progressed to the point of pilfering from the library. I can stop any time I want. I'm totally in control. I swear! Don't look at me like that!

(Via Maud Newton)