Because I'm All About The Helping

Still don't have a Halloween costume? Here are some ideas. (Hey, you're the one that waited to the last minute, so don't blame me if your choices are limited, inappropriate, or just plain gross!)

(Via Defamer; Cramper)

To All My Witches and Hos...

Happy Halloween!!!

It's The Great Pumpkin Moon, Charlie Brown!

Trick Or Treat!

Definitely treat! And leave it to the gays to queer up the pumpkins.

(Via Towleroad)

You Might Be A Bad Fantasy Novel If...

You've survived the Caves of Mooorneohvnelh. You've vanquished the Witch-Lord of Bandug and saved the Princess of Tyria. You've slain the dreaded dragon Nylenionanoinveheoinfnvnelnve the White. Now comes your greatest challenge: a final exam.

(Via Bookslut)

Tricksy

Those publishers are tricky devils.

So, too, are men who use books as bait.

(Via Bookninja; Bookslut)

Hardy Boys Redux

A Hardy Boys mystery for the new millennium, without any of that didactic "ethics" crap.

(Via Bookslut)

No "Vulcan Neck Pinch" Jokes, Please

First, a WNBA star comes out. Now, Mr. Sulu! (Unfortunately, Henry Rollins isn't gay. *sigh*)

You know, I always thought he was kinda camp, but I never really thought he was gay. Just another example of my crackerjack gaydar, I guess.

Anyway, good for you, Mr. Takei, and congratulations!

What To Wear?

As "Gay Christmas" (aka Halloween) draws nigh, here are some tips on how to choose the perfect costume.

What am I going as? (I'm sure you're dying to know.) Nothing. I was never actually all that into Halloween and stopped doing anything for it years and years ago. That leatherman clown costume from the second link looks kinda appealing, though. *LOL*

(Via Gawker)

Politics

We here at Bourgeois Nerd don't get into politics that much, but these two items just can't be passed up:

Karl Rove's mistress is reportedly leaving him for handsome ranch hand Rhett Hard. Rhett Hard!!! Best. Oh-My-God-I-Can't-Believe-That's-A-Real-Name-And-Not-A- Porn-Pseudonym. Name. EVER! Lord knows I'd shove off old Karl for a Rhett Hard any day!

(Via Gawker)

In other political news, Harriet Miers has withdrawn her name from consideration for the Supreme Court. Who will be nominated in her place? How about Mrs. Huxtable?

Animal News

Elephants respect their dead and may even visit them.

Beavers are reintroduced into Britain five hundred years after being hunted to extinction there. You can make up your own damn dirty "beaver" jokes, I trust.

Finally, A Man With Some Sense.

Maud Newton conducts an interview with Dave Weich, the director of marketing and development at Powell's Books. I expected a high-up at an Oregon-based independent bookseller to be of the hippy, granola-crunching, Literature-must-be-saved-from-the-vulgar-commercial-masses, business-is-evil, bookstore-chains-suck, The-Man-is-keeping-us-down type, but he *gasp* actually seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He even wryly dismisses those who say and publishing and/or bookselling is doomed. My kind of man.

Kudos And Huzzah

Okay, so maybe it's not exactly earth-shatteringly shocking that a WNBA player has come out as a lesbian. It's still important; as everyone's pointing out, she's the highest-profile pro athlete to come out while still playing. So, bravo, Ms. Swoopes! Hopefully, your example will encourage others to follow your brave path.

(Via Towleroad)

A Bourgeois Nerd Technology Tidbit

Computer start-up times may be getting shorter soon. Hooray!

(Via Philobiblon)

Old Books Need Centrum Silver

Free radicals in olde time inks damage manuscripts in archives the world over. The answer? An antioxidant treatment.

(Via Bookninja)

That's More Like It

My blog is worth $8,468.10.

How much is your blog worth?

(Via Beatrice, this time.)

Another Shocking Revelation Uncovered

People sometimes buy books for mere intellectual decoration. Shocking! I am all aflutter!

Seriously, is this really a new phenomenon? "Social competitiveness about which titles we read has become one of the new mass forces of the era..."? Uhm, I can think of plenty of books people don't read but have laying around (War and Peace, etc.) and it ain't some new-fangled fad, folks.

(Via Bookninja or Bookslut; I can't remember which one.)

Grumpy Old Bookman

I hope when I grow up I can be half as grumpy as this chap! He's wonderfully bitchy and amusing and unabashedly "vulgar" (in that oh-so-proper British way). One might well think he's gay, but that's just because a) he's British and b) all of his friends, according to him, are gay and that has to rub off on a chap. I don't agree with everything he says about literature and publishing and life in general, but I nod more than I snort. Give him a read.

Figures

My blog is worth $0.00.

How much is your blog worth?

(Via Pharyngula)

Literary Etceteras

Philip Pullman says that C.S. Lewis' Narnia series is "racist, misogynistic and reactionary." I say His Dark Materials is "boring, strident and overrated." But that's just me; everyone else seems to love that series. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

(Via Beatrice)

There's a publishing program afoot based on reinventing myths. As a dedicated mythophile, I'll definitely check some of them out. Margaret Atwood's The Penelopiad: The Myth of Penelope and Odysseus looks particularly interesting. (BTW, isn't if funny that the Canadian paper focuses on the Canadian and the Scottish paper focuses on the Scots? I mean, it really isn't surprising, but it's kinda funny when it's so blatant.)

Simone Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre slept around a lot. Horny French people? Shocking! Though I do feel sorry for Sartre that he didn't enjoy his orgasms that much.

Amazon reviewers say the darnedest things.

(Via Maud Newton)

More Pride & Prejudice

Over a week ago, I castigated Ms. Jenna Crispin for her views on Pride & Prejudice. Well, I wasn't the only one, and Ms. Abigail Nussbaum did the job a damn sight better than I ever could. She basically says everything that needs to be said about criticisms of Pride & Prejudice. The rest of her blog looks very interesting, too, and I intend to do a little blogsploring of it soon. I definitely recommend it.

BTW, to Ms. Crispin's credit, I did find Nussbaum's post via a link on Bookslut. (But Ms. Crispin then admitted she never even read the whole of P&P!)

*horrified shudder*

It's a running joke between my female friends and I how disgusting I think the vagina is. (In my defense, I am a gay man, so the vagina isn't exactly my area of expertise or interest.) "But it's full of yeast!" I often cry. They just shake their heads and tell me "It doesn't work like that!" but now I have proof, damnit! Vaginal yeast beer!!!!

Resistance Is Futile

(Via The Bitter Scroll)

I Gotcha Covered

Three items related to book covers just happened to catch my eye over the past few days.

1) This "S[cience]F[iction] Cover Explorer" is really cool. Thousands of covers, arranged by chronology and hue, in a collage. Pretty...

2) There's a new book out on American Modernist book cover design. Looks kinda interesting.

3) The pulp novels of the 50s and 60s often dealt with homosexuality while the rest of society ignored it. (Mind you, it wasn't a positive portrayal, exactly, but they at least acknowledged it existed.) Here are some of the salacious pulp covers now on exhibit at the San Francisco Public Library. Those pulp publishers sure knew how to write copy! An example: "He won the gay vote by a sinslide!" How can you not love that?!? I totally want to see a "sinslide," now. (Bet Scott has participated in a few of them in his time. Pictures, please, Scott!)

(#1 Via Bookninja; #2 Via Bookslut)

Quick Fashion Critique

I couldn't even approach the sartorial snarkiness of Go Fug Yourself if I had a month of Sundays to practice, but I have to share this fashion disaster story.

I have Jay Leno on (muted) with Debra Messing as the guest. Upon seeing what she's wearing, I immediately blurted (to myself, since everyone else in the house is asleep), "When did she become a Parisian whore circa 1900?" Seriously, y'all, she's wearing this embroidered red velvet dressing gown thing straight out of Gigi! She looks like she just got out of a rosewater bath in a bronze tub or something and is now entertaining her "patron" in the dressing room of her boudoir.

In another circumstance and with another woman, it might be really pretty, but on her on The Tonight Show? Not so much.

Birthday Report

The first day of my twenty-third year on Earth was pleasant, if not exactly exciting. I had a nice London broil dinner made for me and a cake and cards and presents and all the birthday good stuff. Really, I don't feel any different. I can't believe I'm the age I am, because I certainly don't feel "adult" or anything, but I'm not freaking out or anything. All in all, I had a nice day.

As far as gifts go, here's the rundown:

The Incomparably Asexual Cindy (aka The Unsinkable Cindy Best; aka The Notorious C.A.B.) sent me a more-than-generous Amazon gift certificate. I was mighty shocked and very touched when I received the email announcement. I love you, Cindy!

My mother bought me a pair of pillows last week. Not a terribly "fun" gift, but I desperately needed some new and better pillows.

My grandmother took me out on Tuesday and bought me a really nice Perry Ellis suit. My sister will be providing matching shoes (when I get up the energy to go shoe shopping).

My sister's boyfriend got me a Barnes & Noble giftcard. And my uncle's dog (it's traditional in my family for the dogs to "buy" gifts) got me a special Uno deck with cute dogs on them. I don't actually play Uno, but, as we all know, I'm a sucker for cute pooches, so I love it.

Finally, this weekend, I get another dinner, this time at Red Lobster (we're sophisticated gourmands, you see). All in all, I think I made out okay.

Oh, and thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday in the comments of the "Happy Birthday To Me" post. They were much appreciated.

Ewwww!!!

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" There's simply nothing else one can say!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today, you, my legions of fans and admirers, may celebrate the fact that I have graced this sordid world with my presence for twenty-three years. For two decades, I've been a shining beacon of hope, progress, and all that is good in the human spirit. What did the world do before I came along? I simply have no idea.

I realize I was quite remiss in not letting you know of this joyous anniversary sooner, leaving you no time to buy gifts and/or plan a fabulous surprise birthday soiree. Fear not, though, because belated birthday presents are more than welcome. Money, sex, and/or jewelry would be particularly appreciated.

While I spend the day being feted and applauded by my nearest and dearest, those unfortunate enough to not know me personally can spend the time finding out what else happened on October 19 besides my glorious birth (as if anything could compare to that) by consulting the following sites: This Day In History, Wikipedia, History Channel, IMDb, Today In Science History, and Associated Press.

Simply UNDERful!

(Via Proceed at your own risk)

Happy Hunter's Moon!

If you're a early-morning reader on the East Coast of the U.S. (or a late night-reader on the West Coast), go outside and enjoy the Hunter's Moon that's currently out. And, if you're in touch with your savage, carnivorous side, take the opportunity to run down some tasty wildlife. Nothing like freshly-caught meat! Yum!

Gawker Bits

From the files of the ever-entertaining Gawker:

Bill Nye is no longer "The Science Guy," but a morning talk show pundit-cum-Abraham Lincoln impersonator.

You know this is nothing more than an excuse for bored Midwestern management types to get an expense-accounted trip to New York to enjoy all the hookers.

Just How Crazy AM I?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

(Via The Quantum Pontiff)

Well, At Least He's Honest and Upfront!

Anyone interested in male bonding through consensual gangbangs? I think I'll pass, myself.

According To The Internet, I'm a Dinosaur Wizard

Wizard 14% Combativeness, 26% Sneakiness, 94% Intellect, 41% Spirituality

Brilliant! You are a Wizard! Wizards are spells-casters who study powerful arcane magic. While Wizards tend to be pretty fragile, some of those spells can pack quite a punch. Unlike Clerics, Wizards aren�t as good at fixing people as they are at breaking them, so watch where you toss that fireball� Your most distinctive trait is your intelligence. You're probably well learned and logical, if perhaps a bit fragile.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 2% on Combativeness You scored higher than 23% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 96% on Intellect You scored higher than 47% on Spirituality

Utahraptor - Large, yet swift, you never
let your pack down.
You play with wild abandon,
But are the most protective
of packmates.

Which Dromaeosaurid Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heroes?

A poll was recently conducted at a British literary site on who people think are the greatest literary heroes of all time. Topping the list was Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. (Though, despite my defense of Pride & Prejudice here a few days ago, I can't entirely disagree with the statement, "The fact that Mr Darcy is number one says more about Colin Firth than it does Jane Austen.") Harry Potter was number two, Oliver Twist three, Pip from Great Expectations four, Romeo at five, the guy from The DaVinci Code nine, Frodo Baggins number ten, and Sherlock Holmes sixteen.

I really don't have much of an opinion about the results. These sort of polls really don't mean much, in my view, though literary people sure do like to bitch about them and look down their noses at the results. I do have to scratch my head, a little, however. Pip? Oliver Twist? Romeo? Heroes???? Protagonists, yes, but not really "heroes" as such. What did Pip do that's so heroic? What on earth did Romeo do except die?

(Via Bookslut)

Easy On The Caffeine, Mr. Owl!

I think this "Short-Eared Owl" is just a little too happy to see us. He's givin' me the creeps, y'all!

(Via The Bird & I # 8 via Pharyngula)

The Golden Crane Flies For Tarmon Gai'don

I discovered Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time series a decade ago due to a fortuitious visit to a Florida bookstore, where I was given a free promotional copy of the first half of The Eye of the World (the first book in the series). I took it, read it, and was instantly hooked. In the over ten years since then, I've been hooked; at times, the series has been almost an obsession. For the past several years, though, as the books have slowed in pace (both in publication date and the flow of narrative) and declined in general quality, disappointment and sheer exasperation cooled my ardor. Or so I believed.

I've recently been rereading some of The Wheel of Time and the Jordan fever I thought long ago extinguished as come back in full force. The latest book, Knife of Dreams, came out Tuesday and I'm a bit embarrassed at how excited and eager I was to get it. I woke up early (for me) and everything and spent the rest of the day reading. I would have gobbled the whole thing up that day, except I made myself leave some for the next. It wasn't easy, believe you me.

As to the book itself, I liked it. I was a tad disappointed; the hype leading up to the book was quite high. However, it was definitely better than the last few books, actually got things done (the last few installments have been mired in ever-multiplying plotlines), and set the scene for the next, and last, book. Unfortunately, it'll be about two years before we'll see that. *sigh* I hope my fever goes down soon; otherwise, I'll never make it!

Robert Jordan's coming to Philly to do a signing this Saturday. I really want to go, but I'm nervous. I've never been to a book signing and I don't have anyone to go with. Wish me luck.

(Link via Bookslut)

Literary Causeries

A Zen koan: does an award mean anything if no one knows anything about it?

Paradise Lost is to be made into a movie. At last, Milton's true vision can be fulfilled! *snort* Mark my words: nothing but disaster will come of this.

(Via Bookslut)

The Course Of Love Is Rocky...