Job Update

So, a month into the job and... it's awful, frankly. I'm still waiting for training, so I have NOTHING to do. It's hard and oddly draining to do nothing for eight hours a day, and I feel bad that everyone's really busy around me (thus the lack of training) while I try to keep from banging my head against my desk by surfing the Net. I also feel kinda bad that I'm getting paid to sit around; it's the non-practicing-Catholic guilt.

I've said before that everyone's really nice, but as I've also said, they're very, very low-key and don't make for a stimulating work environment. Most of them are a lot older than me and have been there since the dawn of time (some of them have been there almost as long as my parents are old, if not longer), so we don't have a whole lot in common. And they're engineers: not exactly the most raucous bunch normally anyway.

Also, frankly, I just ain't feeling it. I don't know if I'm even cut out for the traditional workplace; I just don't feel comfortable. I really think I was born to freelance, but that's a dangerous and not terribly stable path. Could I find enough work? Live with no benefits? Would I even know how to go about actually doing it? I find it a lot to ask of my parents, who have been so incredibly supportive of me, financially and emotionally, for nearly twenty-five years now, far longer than a lot of parents support their kids, to bear with me why I try to feel my way through the thorny labyrinth of self employment and hustle up enough work to not be a total deadbeat because I don't like getting up early and wearing slacks. And there's a part of me that fears the possible massive failure of trying such a route, as well as fear that if I leave a good gig like I have now, I'll never get another chance and will be a real loser and burden to my family.

So that's where I'm at. I'm so fun!