Monday, October 08, 2007

Job Update

So, a month into the job and... it's awful, frankly. I'm still waiting for training, so I have NOTHING to do. It's hard and oddly draining to do nothing for eight hours a day, and I feel bad that everyone's really busy around me (thus the lack of training) while I try to keep from banging my head against my desk by surfing the Net. I also feel kinda bad that I'm getting paid to sit around; it's the non-practicing-Catholic guilt.

I've said before that everyone's really nice, but as I've also said, they're very, very low-key and don't make for a stimulating work environment. Most of them are a lot older than me and have been there since the dawn of time (some of them have been there almost as long as my parents are old, if not longer), so we don't have a whole lot in common. And they're engineers: not exactly the most raucous bunch normally anyway.

Also, frankly, I just ain't feeling it. I don't know if I'm even cut out for the traditional workplace; I just don't feel comfortable. I really think I was born to freelance, but that's a dangerous and not terribly stable path. Could I find enough work? Live with no benefits? Would I even know how to go about actually doing it? I find it a lot to ask of my parents, who have been so incredibly supportive of me, financially and emotionally, for nearly twenty-five years now, far longer than a lot of parents support their kids, to bear with me why I try to feel my way through the thorny labyrinth of self employment and hustle up enough work to not be a total deadbeat because I don't like getting up early and wearing slacks. And there's a part of me that fears the possible massive failure of trying such a route, as well as fear that if I leave a good gig like I have now, I'll never get another chance and will be a real loser and burden to my family.

So that's where I'm at. I'm so fun!


scott said...

Quite the job and then move out of your parents house. You're too young to miserable in a job and too old to live at home.

And stop fucking whining!

Frank said...

Scott: I know I can always turn to you for sympathetic advice. *LOL* Seriously, I read your comment at work and a big-ass grin spread across my face, because I can just picture you as you type it. We have one weird-ass relationship.

Also, I really didn't want to even talk about this, because I DON'T want to whine, but Gunn and Zeke asked, so beat THEM up!

GayProf said...

My last year in college, I went to work for a property management office. I remember the first couple months, I hated it. Everybody was at least 15 years older than me. My job was really unimportant (even now I am amazed such a position existed (I was supposed to keep wealthy tenants happy by throwing parties or buying swag for them)). After awhile, though, I got accustomed to it. Now I look back and think it was a great job for somebody in their last year of college.

Beyond getting to talk about myself (which I like to do anyway), my point is for you to give it more time. I also agree with Scott -- Move out of your parent's house. Your job won't be as important if you have a life of your own.

Gunn said...

Oh right, like he could.

Yeah, give it more time and move out. If you're getting enough cash at Dullsville Ltd to set up on your own it's worth it for a while longer. Make an escape plan.