Sunday, I asked if anyone had any requests for blog posts. Scott and Bueller clamored for a relation of my "most depraved sex act" in iambic pentameter verse. Well, as I told them, to my everlasting shame and consternation as an English major, feet and stress and all that goes right over my head. I've just never gotten it! Therefore, the iambic pentameter's out. I also reminded them that, as evidenced by my constant whining about my non-sex life, I don't really have much depravity (or really much of anything) in my sexual past. But I said I'd bow to requests, so I'll do my best. I will warn you, however, that I'm terrible at telling stories, so it'll probably suck, and not in a good way.
(Possibly NSFW)
The closest I've come to "depraved" would probably be my first sexual experience.
I was 18 and it was around Thanksgiving. I was desperate to lose my virginity and still believed in the power of the Internet. So I created an ad on a site and got to talking to this older guy in Atlantic City. His partner and he were interested in a threeway. We emailed for a week or two and he was very nice. Eventually, they invited me down to their house. After telling my best friend where I was going (in case I was found murdered, so she could have them arrested) and coming up with some story for my parents, I went.
The guy I actually talked to the most, and the one I was really attracted to, came to the door in soccer kit (I had mentioned that that turned me on). Meanwhile, in the bedroom, his partner (who was blond and looked like he'd had bad plastic surgery and just didn't turn me on at all) was lightly tied down to the bed. I had agreed to try some light bondage type stuff, so I wasn't off-put or anything. I got to wear one of those leather collar deals; I thought I looked quite smashing in it. There was some dirty talk and jockstraps and stuff, but, overall, the sex was... well, not that great for me. I was de-virginized, but didn't even get to come. The highlight of the evening, actually, was their toilet: it was heated and had a built-in bidet for cleaning and was really very neat. They then took me to dinner, where we had a nice time, they didn't murder me, and I never saw them again.
So that's my most depraved sex act. Scintillating, huh? Positively scandalous!
2 comments:
It's actually quite perfect given the fact that it was your "de-flowering". I am quite sure that on my first time I would never have had the balls to hook up with two fetishy homos. BDSM is not something one usually tries out on ones first visit to the rodeo.
Well done!
Any sex act that can be summed up with the expression "de-virginized" cannot also be described as scintillating.
However, it did sound very nice. :-P
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