So, as you all know, I started this job earlier in the month. Overall, I quite like it; it isn't too difficult and I like most of the people I work with (and can tolerate the rest). But there is one issue that is kinda getting to me. I work with a lot of like 16-18 year olds. It is not, therefore, entirely shocking that some of the guys say some quasi-homophobic things like, "That's gay!" or "You're gay!" (as an insult). It doesn't bother me too much, because the guys are young and don't know much better and I don't believe they "really mean it."
Still, I know in my heart of hearts, I should come out and confront this issue. But I haven't. Mostly, it's because I don't want to be a walking afterschool special. Explaining homosexuality just isn't my thing and I feel no need to justify myself to anyone. I really hate the inevitable "So why are you gay?" questions because I don't have good answers. What seems so self-evident to me -- "Well, why are you straight? Guys just do it for me." -- doesn't seem to always satisfy people. Guess I'm just not a good spokesperson for the Homosexual Agenda or something.
I must admit, though, that's there is an element of sheer cowardice (if that's the right word, which I'm not sure it quite is) to my passivity. I just don't want to "rock the boat" or cause any unpleasantness. I'm not really worried about a gay bashing or a hostile working environment because I know the other people, including the supervisors, would never let it get to that level, and because the young guys really aren't that way, but, always, there's a voice of doom and gloom in the back of my mind that makes me over-contemplate the worst case scenario. I'm the kind of person who just can't stand even the potential for any kind of awkwardness and confrontation. So I remain silent.
I feel tremendous guilt, though. By avoiding the issue, I feel like I'm letting my gay brethren and sistren down. In this era of hate and ignorance, it is our duty to educate and enlighten. But I'm not doing my part for The Cause. What does that say about me? I can decry the homophobic society that has produced this situation and makes it an issue in the first place, but in the end I have to take responsibility for my own actions and agency. By not having the courage to do a relatively simple thing like say, "Hey, I'm gay and don't really appreciate your comments," I allow fear and homophobia to triumph and betray my queer fellows.
3 comments:
I work in an "intelligent" place, but I would not discuss my sexual orientation or anything about my personal life with my colleagues. I just think it is separate, that's all. If a colleague becomes a friend, then you can shift the goalposts accordingly (according to your own friendship rules, that is).
Incidentally, one of my colleagues (male) has a 12 year old brother. Said colleague told me a while back that this age group uses the term "how gay" etc to have a completely different meaning than "homosexual". It is some kind of young teenage slang.
I suppose 40 years ago, "gay" meant something different again, and other words were used to describe homosexuality ("queer" etc).
At the end of the day, is it a word, or is it a word being used to denigrate a group of people? If the former, I'd ignore it. If the latter, I would get a few colleagues who think like you to collectively squash the people using the term -- if a few of you do it, then it becomes a "keep the workplace a happy place" issue rather than a "should I explicitly tell these prats I am homosexual" issue.
Maxine, thank you for the comment. I know that "gay" has taken on a not-necessarily homophobic meaning (though you can, and some do, argue that it is intrinsically homophobic, even if the people using it aren't consciously using it in that way). That's a big reason why I really haven't made a big deal about it. Still, there have been comments that, while still not quite offensive, are a little more into that area.
I would be out.
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