Tuesday, March 14, 2006


This post, couple with an experience I had recently, got me thinking.

I'm a very lucky person, in all sorts of ways, but particularly in terms of my sexuality. I've never had to deal with gay bashing or hardcore homophobia; I've never lived in fear that my parents will throw me out of the house or stop loving more anything like that. I "pass" for straight most of the time, though I'm not trying to act straight. I have my queeny/flaming moments, but, for the most part, I just act "normally," in a way that isn't considered "gay." I've never felt conflicted or ashamed of my sexuality. In fact, I can't imagine being straight or even wanting to be. I think being gay is great.

But, despite what on the surface is the "perfect" life, despite the fact that it is supposedly "cool" to be gay nowadays and we gays are somehow taking over and destroying America with our degeneracy, it really isn't always fun to be gay in America.

More than anything, what gets me personally is the evasion. When people ask me if I'm going to get married and have kids, do I say, "No, I'm a big homo, so there will be no reproducing from me, and I'll have to move to Canada or Massachusetts to get married."? When people ask me if I have a girlfriend, do I say, "No, I'm gay. No boyfriend, either, though."? I want to say it, I almost say it, but I always chicken out with non-gendered pronouns and general answers. Why don't I come out to my father and grandmother? Why don't I ever talk about it with my mother or my sister? Because I don't want to upset anyone. Because I don't want a bad reaction that will upset me. Because I'm afraid. So I evade and omit. And that is torture. I can't be fully open in a way that straight people just naturally are.

As I said, I don't have to deal with the kind of homphobia that many of my brethren and sistren do (and all praises to the queeny queens and bull dykes and transgendered, 'cause they're the brave and strong ones). But that doesn't mean I don't deal with subtler forms.

1 comment:

GayProf said...

This is a good, heartfelt post, BN. I have never been convinced by the older queer folk who howl “Oh, this younger generation has it so easy!” Yeah, it’s better than 1965, but that doesn’t mean we are living in a queer Eden.

Ultimately, we all have to constantly work at being out and force those around us to take our lives as seriously as they take straight folk’s lives. At some point, though, you do get used to the constant coming out.