Exasperation

I have incredible parents. They're the most supportive, loving parents a child could want. When I see and hear what most other parents are like, I thank the heavens for mine. I'm especially close to my mom. I'm an admitted, and proud, "momma's boy." That does not mean, however, that she doesn't get to me, as only a mother can get to her child. It's part of the job description. Anyway, lately, the big thing is her pressuring me to get a job.

My mother says she thinks she has to "push me" (since she knows I "don't really want to work," but then WHO THE HELL DOES?) to get a job, but she's "not pressuring [me] at all." (I guess that's some sort of weird parent logic, because pushing and pressure are basically the same thing!) It's not like the pressure is unwarranted, but I just don't handle pressure well. I get all defensive and stubborn, which gets her upset, which gets me upset, and it's all just a big feedback loop of anxiety.

I can't help but feel guilty for getting exasperated at her. I mean, her and my father have just been so great about me not working while I was in school and letting me live on their dime as the bibliophilic bum I am for so many years. And she just wants to help; she'd do anything to help my sister and me get whatever we wanted. It still can get annoying, though. I'm sorry I can't tell her exactly what I'm looking for so she can network and look in the classifieds, but I DON'T KNOW! It's a shitty answer, but it's the truth. I'll just know the job I want when I see it. At this point in my life, I don't have a firm career path in mind. I just want to see where fate takes me. All I want is something vaguely interesting that I think I'll like. I've watched both of my parents, my mom especially, slave away at jobs they hated. Consequently, like all parents who want to see their children do better than they have, they always told us, "Find a job you like!" I think that piece of advice is coming back to haunt them a bit, though. *hehehe*

Her current catchphrase that she's always repeating is to "get out and pound the pavement." We live in the Jersey suburbs; what pavement is there to pound???? Maybe if we lived in NYC in 1950 I could just march up and down Madison Avenue or wherever until I found some guy in shirtsleeves chomping on a cigar who tells me "I like your moxie, kid!" and gives me a great job, but that ain't here and now! Then she tells me she's just worried that if I don't get a job soon, I WON'T get a job because I don't have much on my resume. Which is all true, but makes me incredibly paranoid, too, since I'm the paranoid type. What if NO ONE WILL EVER HIRE ME and I become a big loser burden who lives with his mother at fifty and is entirely unattractive as a mate, let alone a date???????

Then you have my sister's job situation getting everyone upset. To make a long story short: my sister went straight to grad school after college and got a Master's Degree in Criminal Justice. She then spent at least a year trying to get a job. Finally, she got one in the county prosecutor's office. She likes the detectives and lawyers she works with, but the pay sucks and the women in the office are odious bitches and she just wants to leave. Unfortunately, she can't find another position. "I don't understand," my mother cries, "how she cannot have a job with a Master's degree!" It's all been very stressful. It's a lot of the reason, I think, for my mother's anxiety about my own job prospects; it ain't exactly helping my spirits, either.

All in all, I just ahve to say, "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!"

*deep breath* Sorry 'bout the rant. I just needed to vent a little. I feel a bit better now. Any advice or tips about jobs from my more worldly and experienced readers would be appreciated.