It may come as a shock to some, but I really don't like to whine. I try to live by what I call the Leaden Rule (so-called because it's the inverse of the Golden Rule): "Don't do what you don't want other people to do." And as I don't much like whining in others, I try not to do it myself.
But I can't help but give into some whining. I'm just really upset about not being able to find a man. I fully accept a lot of responsibility for this, since I'm not going out there and meeting people. But why does no one online seem to be at all interested in me??? Why do I log in to online meat markets to find nothing but empty inboxes or messages from guys a thousand miles away (a phenomenon I never understood; why bother writing me when we'll never meet?)? Why do nearly all of my messages get ignored? Am I that disgusting and unattractive? I don't have any illusions that I'm God's gift to fags, but I like to think I'm half-decent in the looks department. And what about my wit and charm? Doesn't that count for anything? (What am I saying? Of course it doesn't!)
Am I too being picky? Are my expectations of the Internet too high? I mean, I want a versatile or top man in my general area who is clean, disease-free, and has his own place. All the guys who look good seem to be bottoms, PNP fanatics, and want to meet at my place. ("Hey, Mom, Bob and I are going to my room to have sex!" Yeah...) Is an older, intelligent, articulate, well-off, slightly hairy, muscular leather Daddy with a well-stocked playroom, a nice house, and lots of creativity too much to ask for?
Seriously, it's all very disheartening. I'm horny and I'm lonely.
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