Bulls and China Shops

There are two kinds of television programs I seem to be attracted to: animal shows and antique shows.

Weeknights at 10:00 p.m. is Animal Cops on Animal Planet. It's horrifying what people do to animals. As a big old softie (put any kind of furball in front of me and I melt into baby talk), it breaks my heart to see the cruelty. The animal control officers deserve huge kudos for their work. They have to deal with some really brutal cases and low-life characters. I couldn't do it; I'd punch the people out or just start crying.

The Brits are much more into antiques than we are (which isn't really surprising considering the future-orientation of American culture), so three of the four antique shows I watch are from the other side of the Atlantic. My favorite show is called Cash in the Attic. An expert comes to your house, values your things, and puts it into an auction. There's always a goal, like a thousand pounds for a vacation or five hundred for a camera, to provide some drama. It's very interesting to see what people have tucked away in boxes and cabinets. And I'm absolutely in love with one of the valuers; his name is Jonty (how British!) and he's dreamy in that nerdy kind of way. Another one is Bargain Hunt. Two teams of two are given two hundred pounds and set lose in an antique fair. The object is to buy things cheap and make a profit on them at an auction. Despite the help of two experts, one per team, they very rarely actually make a profit. It's fun, though, trying to guess what'll sell well and what won't. The third one is called Flot It! and it's sort of a combination of Cash and Bargain. People bring things to be valued and then put them into an auction. The only American one of the bunch (though the original one is British) is Antiques Roadshow. It's actually my least favorite. I guess I need the auction action to get me going.

So, yeah, once I get a little older and a little more financially secure, I'll be one of those antiquing queens with lots of dogs. I'm actually quite content with that. There are worse things to grow up to be.