An Intersection Of Art And Science

Periodic Print Table

(Via Books, Inq.)

Woah!

"Bizarre" is definitely a good descriptor of this new mammal, from is weird nose to it's alphabet soup Linnean classification (Rhynochocyon udzungwensis) to its list of relatives (elephants, manatees, aardvarks). And yet, somehow, it's really rather cute.

Beouf-cake

Where's the beef? Right here! *LOL* I'm sorry, but I find Shia La Beouf insanely attractive, in an adorkable sort of way. Funnily enough, though, I don't think I've ever seen any of his movies.

Don't Tase Me, Dad!

There are crazy Little League parents, and then there is this guy. Training your 18-month-old to be a cage fighter by taseing him? What a great idea! That'd really toughen him up for all those underground toddler Fight Clubs! *head, desk* Great Buddha's Butt, this world is fucked up!

Junk Email Subject Line of the Week

"Make your pants a pyramid!" Sorry, junk emailers, but I think I'll pass. Several tons of granite would make my ass look simply huge!

Dogs Of War

Meet First Sergeant Boe, a black Lab currently serving her country as a morale-dog in Iraq. I say we start bringing troops home and send dogs in their place. Operation Cute Overload would have Iraq secure in no time. Really, what insurgency could resist the power of thousands of wagging tails and teh puppeh breath? (The cats, meanwhile, would act as black ops assassins and infiltrators charged with locating and eliminating insurgent leaders.)

Sir Edmund PolarBearillary

How intrepid: climbing the snowy peaks of the arctic!

Subprime Crisis Explained

You may be losing your house and your 401K is now worthless due to the market downturn, but you can still have a chuckle as you lose everything!

The Ice Ain't The Only Thing Chilly In Here!

Mix two skating rivals with a reporter just DYING to stir shit up, and you get this totally awkward double interview.

Thin Enough For You?

Don't want to spend $1700 to $3000 on a MacBook Air. Here ya go!

Party At Google's House!

Internet Party

(Via Valleywag)

Tony, Tony, Tony!

I've been a fan and avid viewer of TonyHayden.com for about two-and-a-half years now. Tony is a happily-partnered Orlando resident just trying to raise his (adorable) Dachshund Ruko right and have a little fun dancing the night away at an occasional circuit party or two, all while indulging in a little PG-video exhibitionism. Since January 2005, he's shared his life with the world via his vlog, producing what he likes to call an Internet "ME-ality" show.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "The video diary of some queen in Florida chronicling such scintillatingly exciting events such as a trip to Ikea and the quest for the perfect temporary tattoo? Yeah, Bourgeois Nerd, that's something I really want to see! *snort*"

Can the sarcasm for a second, dear Bitchy Reader! Yes, his project is basically the recording of the trials and travails of ordinary life, the kind of stuff we all go through every day. But what makes the videos so fascinating and compelling is that he's both Everyman-leading-Everylife and Oneman-leading-Onelife. He takes the hum-drum and the quotidian, weaves it with the particular and the out-of-the-ordinary, and makes something fascinating and intimate out of it. Tony showcases his insecurities (he's got gay body dysmorphic issues), his vanities (hair is very important to him), his heartaches (the chapters about his mother are heartbreaking in their rawness), as well as his positives (he's a true Southern gentleman), his talents (he's both a fantastic baker and a wizard at video editing), and his triumphs (no matter what he thinks, he's smoking hot). In a word, the man is relatable, and that makes the videos totally engrossing. You really get to know him, and you want to know what happens to him next. It's like visiting with a friend to catch up every week.

"Oh, just another Internet famewhore!" I hear you, Bitchy Reader, cry. "And he doesn't even give us any cock-shots!" Oh, Bitchy Reader, how cynical you are. In point of fact, Tony has been filming his life for decades, long before the Internet as such even existed, lugging about video equipment for the enjoyment and edification of no one except himself and maybe some of his friends. He's not trying to get rich or famous; he's human, of course, an thus not above hankering for a little ego-stroking, of course, I don't think, but that's not what this is about. He's more a performance artist than anything, I think. This is not vulgar ego-fellatio or the pornography of the prosaic, this is documentary Art. (I'm with you about the lack of cock-shots, however. Their absence makes me a sad panda.)

"Okay, okay, Bourgeois Nerd," you say, Bitchy Reader. "I believe you. What's with the knob-polishing from you all of a sudden, though?" Well, you see, Tony's sunk time, money, and soul into his website, but he's feeling a little underappreciated lately. Not that I'm a page view powerhouse or anything, but I thought if I could get some of you to go visit and watch some of his videos, it might just cheer him up. As you can probably tell, I'm a total fanboy, and have a raging crush on him, so I don't like to see him so down. Also, we've exchanged emails several times over the years, and he's really just as sweet, funny, and self-deprecating as he is in the videos, so he's not just editing to make himself look like a good guy, he is a good guy, and good guys should be rewarded.

So, please, go visit (maybe even throw some change in the tip jar, or just send him a nice email) and turn his frown upside down. You won't regret it, I promise!

Raiders Of The Lost Tot

Idaho Jones

Art 1.0.1

Art appreciation for geeks.

(Via Valleywag)

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Roids and Rants [NSFW]; Bill in Exile [NSFW])

2008

Because I'm an idiot, I didn't keep track of the number of posts for a few days, so my 2,000th post came and went without the proper fanfare. So, in honor of the still-new year, I'll instead celebrate this, my 2008th post. Woooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Three years and two thousand (and eight) posts of stuff and nonsense have come and gone, and I want to thank you, dear readers, for making Bourgeois Nerd the rousing mediocrity it is today! Here's to two thousand (and eight) more whines about how I have no life, tedious explorations of my boring-ass neuroses, and link-leechings of the hard work of much more interesting and creative people!

Schroedinger's Bond

The next James Bond movie is entitled James Bond: Quantum of Solace. What an... odd title! But apparently it's the title of one of Ian Fleming's short stories, and Mr. Fleming knew what he was doing, so whatever. I don't particularly care, anyway, as long as we get naked or near-naked Daniel Craig again! One does wonder, though, if the movie really exists until you see it. (Some quantum mechanics humor there. Haha!)

(Via Towleroad)

Ring, Ring, Ring

Does anybody wear their high school or college rings? If so, why? For those that don't, am I alone in thinking anyone who does is kind of an asshole, all "Look at me, I went to XYZ State, I'm awesome!" or "Look at me, I loved high school and want to be reminded of it all the time!" (No offense to readers that do; I'm not talking about you, of course!)

Writing Utensils

Stop chewing on your pencaps, when you can use your pencaps to chew your food, instead!

We Are Not Amused

I am Grouchy Kitteh and I do not approve this message.

And You Thought Your Old School Pictures Were Bad

The pinnacle of the portrait studio photographers' art is right here. How stunning! Like all good art, it makes you almost weep! From laughter and awe at the bad taste, yes, but weep nonetheless.

(Via email forward from Scott [NSFW])

Welcome To My Blog

Okay, these videos damn near literally killed me (I was laughing and drinking water at the same time -- never a good idea -- and water went down the wrong pipe and I couldn't breathe and I ended up vomiting all of my powder room to restore respiratory function), so you know it's funny. It has my "So Funny I Vomited!" seal of approval.

A Visual Dictionary

Pretty, pretty visual dictionary created using 53,463 nouns and search engine image searches.

(Via Gawker)

Once More Into The Navel

I think neuroses, at least from my perspective, break down into three categories: social, existential, and personal/OCD. Social neuroses manifest themselves in constant worry about what others think of you, with the presumption that the judgment will be negatively critical, and a concomitant avoidance of and unease with much interpersonal interaction. Existential neuroses involve an unhealthy occupation with the "big questions," such as the meaning of life, the problem of evil, the mystery of existence vs. non-existence, etc. that, instead of being interesting amusements or rewarding studies, become sources of angst and unhappiness due to the lack of concrete answers to them, the possibility that there are not answers to them, and/or the possibility that the answers are unpleasant. Personal/OCD neuroses are patterns of behavior (such as using a worry stone, or endlessly revising or redoing work to get it to make it "perfect"), thought (such as a constant vigilance for numerical patterns in anything and everything), or environmental control (such as having your books arranged in just a particular way), that attempt to relieve or ameliorate general anxieties. An uneasiness with and dislike of the unknown or the new goes along with this. In my case, for example, I don't like to drive places I've never been, particularly because I worry about not being able to find parking.

But are these neuroses, particularly those of a social kind, just a sort of negative self-obsession and narcissism? I mean, what else would you call the belief that you're important enough that anyone would pay attention to you at all, let alone expend the energy to judge you? I must admit, there are times when I'm being self-deprecating or openly insecure that I'm passive-aggressively fishing for ego-stroking compliments about how fabulous I am. That strikes me as rather egotistical.

Yet is worrying about if your neuroses are just a self-hating species of narcissism just another neurosis? Or is worrying about worrying about if your neuroses are just a self-hating species of narcissism just the ultimate expression of narcissism? Does any of that even make sense?!? My brain hurts now.

Well, At Least I'm SUBTLE About It!

Your Score:
The Subtle Neurotic

You scored 60 anxiety, 90 awkwardness, and 43 neuroticism!

You have all the makings of neuroticism without any of the amusing trappings--you are The Subtle Neurotic! Plagued by doubt, fears, and worries, you are much more likely to have a quiet existential crisis off on your own than to bite your fingernails. You worry a lot over social situations, but take heart--chances are, you're not nearly as awkward as you feel you are. The best advice I can give you? Confide your worries in someone--no matter how irrational they seem. You're far too likely to keep everything bottled up.

Your high anxiety score implies that you are unable to relax, worry about the future often, and probably are plagued by irrational fears and self-doubt.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially nervous, probably have difficulty with conversation, and perhaps feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties.

Your low neuroticism score implies that you don't exhibit subtle neurotic behaviors--your nails are probably an acceptable length, your pencils aren't covered with bite marks, and your bookcase isn't arranged alphabetically by genre. Congrats!

See the other results!

Well-Adjusted

The Neat Freak

The Dork

The Geek

Phobic

Obsessive-Compulsive

The Subtle Neurotic

The True Neurotic

The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Skimpy Sundays

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW])

Fish Master Wormhole Technology!

A bridge between two tanks allows fish to swim between two "islands" in a coffee shop. Awesome!

Duuuuuuuuuude!

A man creates a model of General Grievous' ship from Revenge of the Sith using thirty pounds of Legos and nine months of painstaking work. I know I should be aghast at all that time and effort put into such a totally geeky thing, but A) it's his time to do whatever he wants with, and B) it's FRICKIN' AWESOME AND I WANT ONE! I bow before this Grand Master of Geekery.

Semper Sci-Fi

I've been on a bit of a military sci-fi kick of late, and, though of course I'm no expert and can't claim to have read even a goodly portion of what's out there, I have noticed a trend in what I have read: military sci-fi seems to have a very large body of work by and/or about Marines. Have I just read a skewed sample, or am I on to something? Any more dedicated sci-fi fans care to confirm or refute my impression? And if it is a correct impression, what is it about Marines that attracts them to writing sci-fi, or attracts others to write sci-fi about them? Any insights from current and/or former Marines (if there are any in the audience)? Scott?

Speaking of Marine-centered military science fiction, the best of the bunch I've read lately are this series of books by Steven L. Kent about a future where Marines are clones. Told in the form of a memoir or autobiography, it's clear, crisp prose, solid world-building, and well-paced plotlines make it a thoroughly entertaining, and occasionally thought-provoking, read. The gender politics are little less progressive than one would want (basically, there are no women in the books, and what ones there are aren't exactly empowered or anything other than cardboard cut-outs with boobs), but overall highly recommended.

Porn Star Names

People can't help what their parents name them. They can, however, control their nicknames. Why, therefore, would a VP of a major online retailer call herself "Stormy Simon"?!? Maybe "customer relations" has a different meaning at Overstock.com. Hey, it IS all about the O!

Steve Jobs: Bulimia-Causer

The new ultra-thin Mac unveiled on Tuesday is giving PCs eating disorders.

Fuck The English!

Down with the Sassenach oppressors and their tyrannical library classifications! 'Tis the greatest victory of the Scot since Bannockburn, I tell you!

Beauteous Bookstores

The 10 Most Beautiful Bookstores in the World. Ah, but is aesthetic architecture and design truly a beautiful bookstore make? Well, yes, on one level. But a bookworm's vision of a beautiful bookstore involves much more idiosyncratic and intangible criteria involving memory, emotion, the stock, etc. Many a store that would be considered ugly in a purely aesthetic sense, but be beautiful in the eyes of its loyal customers. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

(Via Bookninja)

New Site

io9 is the new jewel in the crown of the Gawker blog empire, billed as a blog "strung out on science fiction." Daily spoiler reports, movie, TV, and book reviews, science news, futuristic speculation and art criticism make it the perfect read for any nerd. In sum, it RAWKS, and you need to check it out!

Skimpy Sunday

(Via Bill in Exile [NSFW]; Roids and Rants [NSFW])

Best. Spam. Title. EVER.

"Nubian naughtiness is the BEST!" Yes, spammer; yes it is.

Sooooo...

...yeah, haven't been much with the blogging this week. Why? Well, maybe because the most exciting thing happening to me at the moment is that my face has decided to peel like wallpaper in a steam room, while simultaneously gushing enough oil to make me eligible for OPEC membership.

Oh, and my Prada glasses? The pads on the nose are for shit. Seriously, one already broke off and had to be replaced. Meanwhile, I had just had to adjust them so the frame wasn't digging into my nose, but it's all wobbly and will probably break off any day now. After all the money I spent on them, I'm a bit pissed.

Fascinating, huh? That's been my week.

Idle Thought

Do you think someday someone will study our junk mail as a method of gaining insight into modern culture? How about these for some conclusions (in bare-bones sketch form) one could draw: The preoccupation with Viagra and penis enhancement indicate an anxiety about masculinity. All the mortgage offers track with the housing bubble and its "debt is no big deal; you can have anything you want!" ethos, the American dream with a variable rate loan. The porn links disguised as personals reflect the atomism of the Internet Age, with its concomitant desire for true connection. And so on, and so on, overthinking egghead babble.

(Dissertators of the future: when you read this post, and I know you will, make sure to put me first in the acknowledgments!)

Boo!

Damn refs, always getting in the way of a good game! (BTW, who knew rugby players wore bikinis?!?)

(Via Joe. My. God.)

Nip Tuck

As you can see, we've had a small facelift! More comprehensive plastic surgery will come in the future, but for now the fabulous new blue background is just that dash of novelty the layout needed to keep fresh and interesting. Much thanks to my template engineer, the indomitable, the incomparable, the in-sinkable (go with it) Cindy Best (aka the Notorious C.A.B.)!

TWoP General Hospital Forum FAQ: 2008 Edition

Couples

Scrubs: Patrick and Robin.

Liaison/Jiz: Jason and Liz. Liaison is often used by those either fans of, or indifferent to, the couple, while Jiz is most often used by those who don't like the pairing.

Soily: Sonny and Emily. We like to forget that coupling ever happened (skeevy!), but it comes up from time to time.

Nem/Num: Nik and Emily.

Journey: Jason and She Who Must Not Be Named (see below).

Rexis: Ric and Alexis.

LnL2: Liz and Lucky. Believe it or not, those two crazy kids were once soulmates!

Rye: Ric and Skye

Sason: Sonny and Jason. The love that dare not speak its name.

JaSam: Jason and Sam.

Skate: Sonny and Kate.

Acronyms

PFMs: Poo-Flinging Monkeys. The bunch of incompetent hacks who "write" this awful, awful show.

BSC!: Bat-Shit Crazy! Used often as a prefix, as in "BSC!Sam."

xxx!xxx: The exlamation point is often used as an intensifier when talking about the most prominent trait of a character or storyline, since subtlety isn't GH's strong suit. Thus, crazy Sam is now BSC!Sam, a drugged out Lucky is Pills!Lucky, an ectoplasmic Alan is Ghost!Alan, etc.

SWMNBN: She Who Must Not Be Named. The not-at-all-dearly-missed Courtney. Also known as CopKilla, Whoretney, and a host of other nicknames bestowed on her with love. The kind of love that's really the putrid bile of hate.

TIIC: The Idiots In Charge. Again, the "writers" who inflict all of this pain and torment upon us.

TFGH: Typical Fucking General Hospital, or Totally Fucking General Hospital, or That Fucking General Hospital, or... you get the picture.

ONS (or 3NS): One Night Stand, usually used in reference to the night of passion between Liz and Jason that led to Jake. Also known as the Three Night Stand because, as soap chronologies are wont to do, one GH night equaled three days of real time.

SORAS: Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome. The Soapworld pandemic whose major symptom is a strange localized distortion in the timestream that allows soap children to go away to camp or boarding school or even just their bedroom one age, and come back ten years older, usually either a hot teen stud or a gorgeous vixen.

NULOCH: No Upper Limit On Carly Hate. Because sometimes there are no words to express the depths of hatred one has for that shrieking shrew!

NULOLH: No Upper Limit on Lulu Hate. Because sometimes there are no words to express the depths of hatred one has for that obstinate little twit!

ABCD: ABC Daytime, the division of the network charged with overseeing the network's soap operas. Not doing a terribly fine job of it, considering the low-quality of said soaps in recent years.

GV: Greg Vaughan (Lucky)

JB: Julie Berman (Lulu)

KMo: Kelly Monaco (Sam)

KMc: Kimberly McCollough (Robin)

JT: Jason Thompson (Patrick)

TG: Tony Geary (Luke)

BH: Becky Herbst (Liz)

RH: Rick Hearst (Ric)

NLG: Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis)

TC: Tyler Christopher (Nikolas)

RC: Robin Christopher (Skye)

SBu: Steve Burton (Jason)

MB: Maurice Bernard (Sonny)

LW: Laura Wright (Carly)

NL: Natasha Livingston (Emily)

GF: Genie Francis (Laura)

JZ: Jackie Zeman (Bobbie)

JG: Jason Gerhardt (Cooper)

JD: Josh Duhon (Logan)

LL: Lindze Letherman (Georgie)

KS: Kirsten Storms (Maxie)

SR: Sebastien Roche (Jerry Jacks)

BA: Bradford Armstrong (Spinelli)

MW: Megan Ward (Kate)

JE: Jane Elliott (Tracy)