A Real Watch Dog

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."''

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

Coming Soon To A Theater Near You...

...Flatland The Movie(s)! I highly recommend the book, BTW. It's short, educational-in-a-totally-painless way, and biting social satire that is as relevant today as it was a hundred years ago.

Good Thing I Keep That Second Penis Around!

Iguanas have two penises. Reptiles have all the luck. (BTW, check out the picture of that blogger. Rowr! He can come over a play "iguana" with me any time!)

(Via Gawker)

Cute Overload Is Trying To Kill Me

Knut The Baby Polar Bear Knut! It even rhymes with "cute"!

Name The Pandas! What's Chinese for "snorgle"?

Crotch Sorbet

To cleanse the palate of yesterday's actress boobies, I present celebrity packages.

(Via The Fagat Guide)

Don't Worry, It's Normal In Russia!

Milk siblings are nothing new in Russia. Which is great for them and all. And wet nurses have been around for just about ever. Again, fine, whatever. It's still creepy to read about it!!!!

For Your Consideration

If there are any troglodyte frat boys reading this who just happen to be voting members of the Academy, you might base your vote for Best Actress on this (NSFW). Cor blimey, who would have thunk Dame Judi had such a nice rack, eh?

I must say, I love a good British actress, so to have Kate Winslet, Dame Judi, and Helen Mirren all up for awards is fantastic. Though it does make who to root for problematic (especially since I haven't seen any of the movies or performances in contention). Helen Mirren is the favorite and, from what I've seen in terms of clips, absolutely deserving. She is Queen Elizabeth II! But Kate Winslet is just so charming and I love that she does what she wants to do and doesn't let Hollywood make her become a skeleton. But I've been in love with Dame Judi for years now. I'm a big PBS Britcom fan, and love As Time Goes By. Decisions!

(Via Gawker)

Sidebar Updates

Slight changes to the sidebar links at left:

1) Updated the Tetrapod Zoology link due to Dr. Nash's well-deserved promotion to ScienceBlogs. To kick things off, he talks about vampiric birds.

2) Added a link to Books, Words, and Writing. The title just about says it, I think, and the blogprietor, the divinely hyphenated Ms. Amy Nelson-Mile, has been kind enough to link to Bourgeois Nerd.

3) Toby's back! Yay!

I'm Evil But I Don't Care

I'm sorry, but they are right: Bindi Irwin is one ugly-ass child. She's kinda creepy, I think, too.

Jigga WHAT?!?

Milk siblings? Milk siblings!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *inarticulate jaw motions of horror and confusion* And this is just... I don't even know what. Thanks for blowing my mind with horror, Gawker!

That Damn Cat Again

I'm sorry, but this video of that obese cat with feline AIDS is just too cute to pass up. He's just so plumply adorable! He looks like a cat Buddha or a feline Marlon Brando!

(Via Defamer)

An Invitation

You are cordially invited to witness the marriage of obsessive-compulsive disorder and underwear fetishism in this guy's closet.

Yo Mama

Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!

(Via Comedy Central Jokes)

How Rude

There you are, a perfectly average fox female popping in for a little shoe shopping, and the next thing you know the hairless apes are shrieking, running away, calling you "diseased," and sending for the animal fuzz to take you away to the country. And I thought the British were supposed to be a polite people!

(Via PhDiva)

Ah, To Be In Chicago

Ever wonder where the bargain books tables at your Favorite Local Bookstore are "born"? Wonder no more! The "womb" is the Chicago International Remainder & Overstock Book Exposition.

It sounds heavenly, with tons (literally!) of books. It's not open to the public, though. Still, one could always crash... Hey, Vince, got a sofa I could crash on?

(Via Bookninja)

Zen And The Art Of Page Layout

In publications, emptiness can be as effective as actual content.

(Via Books, Inq.)

Not Bad For A Total Heathen

You know the Bible 82%!

Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn't slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

(Via Professorial Confessions)

What I Would Look Like If I Were Hot And Had A Scooter

(Via The Pretty Boys Club)

Does This Dress...

...make me look like a horse's ass?

The Things You See When You Haven't Got Your Gun

Attack of the Penis (No word on whether or not it's a killer.)

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

Whiter-than-white beetles: even pastier than the Liverpudlian ones!

Aimless

I really don't know what I want to do with my life. There's nothing that really calls to me, nothing that I feel I have to do. I like and am interesting in editing and proofreading, but I can't say it's my overwhelming passion. This makes my job search even tougher than it already is, since I don't really know what I want, thus making a career goal difficult. It makes me feel all drifty and shiftless.

I don't claim to be unique in this condition. I know a lot of people never figure out what they want to do. It still sucks.

Sunday In Bed

(Via The Pretty Boys Club)

In The Future...

I am: David Brin Bestselling producer of impossible-to-put-down epic adventures in a far-flung future.

Which science fiction writer are you?

(Via Books, Inq.)

Freaks Need Love, Too!

The Zoological Society of London is starting a new program to conserve the world's "weirdest" species.

I'm NOT An "Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm"? The Test Is Obviously Flawed.

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

(Via Philobiblon)

I Couldn't Even Afford A Leaf From One

The 10 Most Expensive Books of 2006

(Via Bookninja)

"The Bad Boy Of Baking"

Is he for real? Seriously, like for real-real?

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Dylan Thomas, 1933

The First Thing Texas And Canada Have Had In Common In... Well, Ever!

The GNP of each state in the Union in terms of other countries.

(Via Pharyngula)

Fat Cat Update!

That fat-assed cat has been diagnosed with Feline AIDS! Poor thing. Maybe that's why he was eating so much; he wants to make sure that if he has some wasting, he has some "cushion."

(Via gothamwhore)

Card Catalog

Catalog yourself!

(Via Pharyngula)

Atypical Arachnids

Arachnids are, for the most part, solitary creatures. When one thinks of social arthropods, one's mind tends towards thoughts of bees and ants and termites, not spiders. But there are a handful species of social spiders and they're fascinating.

What's Really Funny Is That It Was A DOGGIE Door!

Giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "fat cat."

(Via Defamer)

Get In Touch With Your Inner Artist

Make your own Pollock!

(Via Lassiter Space)

I'm Rendered Speechless...

...by the sheer dorkitude of spending Christmas constructing a replica of the Battle of Helm's Deep in candy.

(Via Pharyngula)

Star Wars Stuff

My big Star Wars post is still hanging out in the Drafts file, but here's some random SW crap to tide you over.

A bacteria species named in homage to Star Wars.

The call to Palpatine after the first Death Star got blown up.

A bunch of nerds reenacting scenes from A New Hope. The "Han" guy is sooooooooo gay and kinda cute.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

A map of world happiness.

What really strikes me about the map, BTW, are the countries colored gray for lack of data: Iraq, North Korea, Western Sahara, Somalia, Afghanistan, and Greenland. Except for Greenland, which is basically just a big glacier, some of the most chaotic places in the world. I think we can assume that the people there aren't all that jolly.

In related news, the Danes are the world's happiest people, apparently. Their secret? Low expectations.

(Via Bookninja)

The Return of Cartoon Nostalgia

The triumphant return of Cartoon Nostalgia! I realize now that I really did spend my entire youth watching animated shows. I don't remember watching so many cartoons, but I obviously did. Go me, I guess.

Also, Joseph Barbara (of Hanna-Barbara fame) recently died, so this is kind of a tribute, even though none of the cartoons I'm talking about today are his. I'm sure he'd be positively touched, anyway, to have some nobody blogger go on about the cartoons he misspent his youth on weeks after he died. *snort*

Animaniacs

I was actually rather ambivalent about this cartoon, but I watched it anyway. I loved the educational songs (countries of the world, "Istanbul, not Constaninople," etc.). "Pinky and The Brain" was fun, too.

Tiny Toon Adventures

The adventures of young Warner Bros. cartoon characters. Now, unlike Muppet Babies, the characters aren't the younger versions of the classic characters, but pint-sized reimaginings. The only episode that actually sticks in my mind is the Field of Dreams with feminist overtones one where the female Bug Bunny-equivalent rediscovers a forgotten female cartoon star to be her hero. Otherwise, nothing much comes to mind.

Care Bears

God I wanted to have a special power coming out of my stomach! Something useful, like the green Care Bear's luck, not a stupid rainbow or something.

More nostalgia to come!

How Long Until We Have A Galaxy Called "The Shire"?

Introducing a new class of galaxy with hairy feet.

Where Does It Come From (Book Edition)

If you order online, your book likely comes from a place very much like this. Isn't it a mouth-wateringly beautiful sight? All those books! *swoon*

Hey, You!

It's De-Lurking Week; speak up!

(Via Cosmic Variance)

New Holidays for a New Year